Children of the Corn (2009 remake) - Would a `corny' pun be too obvious?

Oh, dear, where do I begin? This is a remake of the Stephen King film of the same name starring Linda (Sarah Connor) Hamilton. In short: the remake doesn't cut it in any way.

We're introduced to possibly the most objectionable on-screen couple ever imagined. He doesn't seem to think twice about slapping her. She never stops whining and having a go at him. They stumble into a town that's been overrun by children, who have long since killed all the adults and are now worshiping their own (take) on God.

If that sort of plot interests you, look up Linda Hamilton's version. Avoid the remake like a town full of religion psychopathic under-eighteens. It contains a `child leader' who is about as threatening as Peppa Pig in a fairy outfit. He just barks lines with seemingly little understanding of what they mean.

According to the internet, this was remade because it's `closer' to Stephen King's original story. Apparently, this original story was only twenty-seven pages long. Therefore this remake has had to stretch out the twenty-seven pages to ninety minutes. And it shows. Much of it could be cut out. In fact, most of it could. You'll feel little for the two central protagonists' plight and just be longing for it to end (badly, hopefully).

4/10 You can watch this film while you're doing the ironing (you'll still get the general gist of it)