Harbinger Down (2015) - The Thing (on a boat)

There's a fine line between outright copying something and 'paying homage.' I thing 2015's 'Harbinger Down' just about can fall into the latter when it comes to how many similarities there are to the classic John Carpenter film 'The Thing' from the early eighties.

I'm a big fan of Lance ('Bishop' from 'Aliens') Henriksen and only really watched it because it had his name attached.  Now, what normally happens with a 'big' (ish) name in a small production is it turns out they're only in it for little more than an extended cameo and their name is only really used to sell the film.  However, I was pleased to say that Henriksen was basically the main character (okay, technically his younger, better looking niece is, but he's second) and certainly adds to the film.

It's about a team of research students who charter a boat to go track whales, but get more than they bargained for when they pick up a submerged Russian space capsule, complete with 'unwanted guest.' Soon they find themselves being picked off one by one in various grisly ways by a particularly nasty monster.

Normally, with these sorts of films, all the human cast are merely walking meat-sacks waiting to be murdered.  But here you may actually remember a couple of them (besides Henriksen) after the credits rolled.  Yes, you probably won't recall their characters' names, but they'll at least stay with you as 'Big Guy' and 'Russian Chick.' 

The special effects deserve a mention because we're so used to anything vaguely inhuman being brought to us courtesy of CGI that 'practical effects' have almost become a thing of the past.  Here, almost everything is done by puppets or miniatures and it does bring a level of realism to the vast array of tentacles and teeth!

It's not a perfect film though.  The first act does drag a little and characters do that typical horror thing where they constantly split off into smaller groups and then wonder why they get killed.  Plus sometimes things move a little too quickly (editing-wise) and I missed who exactly got killed in the carnage.  I just had to sort of figure it out based on who was no longer in the film.

Overall, it's no masterpiece, but if you're a fan of 'The Thing' you should enjoy all the little references, even if it does come a little too close to copying scenes and dialogue word for word.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Leprechaun 3 – Warwick nails it again

I’m pretty sure the ‘Leprechaun 2’ and ‘Leprechaun 3’ weren’t shot back to back, but they certainly feel like they could have been.  This isn’t really a spoiler for ‘part 3’ but let’s just say that the ending to ‘part 2’ isn’t really addressed and you just have to go with it.

This time, the titular antagonist has found himself in Las Vegas – and begins to cause lethal havoc in a city that’s got enough gold for every leprechaun in Ireland.

‘Part 3’ does feel like it takes a little while longer to get going than the previous two films.  This could be because the leprechaun seems to spend about the first half hour of the story in a single location – engaged in a cat and mouse game with a local pawn broker, who doesn’t really feel like he deserves the amount of screen time he’s afforded when the whole film is looked at.

This stad-off is intercut with scenes of our two ‘heroes’ meeting and going about their own lives in Vegas.  Now, I pointed out that the two leads in part 2 were hardly going to win any Oscars with their performances, but they’re due for their own stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame when compared to the two we have here.  Not only are they even blander than their predecessors (if that’s even possible!), but they just don’t seem the types to every really hang out in real life, let alone be a possible romantic couple.

So, again, the main – and only – reason to watch the film is Warwick Davis, who seems to find it easy to slide into manic delight with every passing kill he carries out.

If you’re a fan of parts 1 and 2 then you can’t go far wrong with part 3, but if you’re new to the franchise, then you’re not going to get much ‘outright horror’ here – more gruesome supernatural black comedy/horror.  And, if that’s your thing, you’ll get it in big red bucketloads here, but you’re probably better off starting with the first film, as it is technically superior.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Leprechaun 2 – Warwick nails it

I don’t know why the ‘Leprechaun’ films don’t seem to be held in such high regard with horror fans as others like ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ and the ‘Friday 13^th’ series.  It’s definitely up there with the latter ‘Freddy movies’ as from part 2 of the ‘Leprechaun’ franchise the ‘horror’ is definitely tuned down and the humour is cranked up.

That’s not to say there isn’t a fair amount of gory deaths, it’s just they’re now played for laughs with a witty one-liner from the titular supernatural killer.

It doesn’t matter if you haven’t seen the first film.  You don’t need to.  All you need to know is that there’s a psychotic leprechaun lose in an American city on St Patrick’s Day and that he doesn’t take kindly to people trying to steal his gold.

I can’t help but liken ‘Leprechaun’ to the ‘Elm St’ films as you don’t really watch one of them because of the human characters.  They’re just fleshbags who you know are destined to be clawed to death by Freddy in all sorts of hellish fashions.  It’s the same here.  The humans who we’re supposed to (begrudgingly) root for are all pretty bland and one dimensional.  It’s Warwick Davis who we come to see.  He makes the movie what it is and steals every scene.

In this outing, he’s trying to marry a local American girl – much to her and her boyfriend’s disapproval.  In terms of ‘heroes’ the film-makers really scraped the bottom of the barrel with these two.  They are the definition of bland and forgettable.  I doubt you’ll remember either of the characters’ names by the time the credits roll.  However, I should at least give a nod to Sandy Baron who actually puts some effort into his performance and is a likable addition to the human cast, trying to thwart the Leprechaun’s plans.

If you don’t take your horror too seriously then you definitely need to give this – and all the ‘Leprechaun’ franchise – a watch. 

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Gor (1987) Probably not one a shining example of 'gender equality'

A boring American college profession who bores his students to sleep in class gets dumped by his girlfriend because he's too dull, so he goes on holiday with just his magic ring for company.  And, after wrapping his car around a tree, wakes up in the land of 'Gor' -  a 'sword and sorcery' land which treats women as little better than slaves - and possibly members of the 'oldest profession.'

As soon as our boring hero arrives he watches a helpless village get their magic red stone nicked by a load of baddies seem to be well into rock-collecting and he vows to get involved.  Or at least he's persuaded once he falls in love with the first hot woman he sees who kicks a$$ with a barbarian's sword like the best of them.

One quick montage later and our formerly boring protagonist is now a skilled warrior with swords and bows and arrows, plus he had a six-pack all the time and we never knew.  Fancy that.  So, now he's totally ready to take back the glowing pink blob of jelly that the villages always refer to as their 'magic rock.'

So off they walk.  And they walk.  They walk quite far.  It takes me back to those people who didn't really like Peter Jackson's 'Lord of the Rings' trilogy and accused it of just people walking across pretty landscapes.  Well, Gor isn't like that here.  The characters walk and walk, but the backgrounds could never be described as 'pretty.' It's a desert.  Followed by more desert.

In fact, it's this middle act that really lets the film down. 'Gor' is definitely a B-movie and never really tries to be anything more amazing.  And there are plenty of good looking men and women running around in skimpy clothes, chopping each other up with swords.  This is when the film excels as it knows what it should be.  But for every action sequency we get another five minute segment of our heroes trying to get in to an enemy cave (slowly) and padding out the run-time.

If you like you 'swords and sandals' movies then this one is so bad it's definitely good.  You just may want to have your thumb on the 'fast forward' button on the TV remote control when it comes to some of the walking.  If only they just had eagles to fly them where they needed to go and back?

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Ginger Snaps (2000) I'm glad growing up wasn't like this for me

Who says horror films with women in it can't be appreciated by the guys? 'Gingersnaps' is about two insular (and, dare I say it, a little on the weird side) who stay together all time, rather man making friends with their peers at highschool, even going as far as to say that one day, if they have nothing to look forward to on their sixteenth birthdays, they'll end their lives together.

However, as their 'sweet sixteen' draws ever closer, two things happen to the older of the sisters, Ginger.  First of all a boy in her year starts to find her attractive.  The second is that she becomes a werewolf.  Naturally, she confides in her younger sibling and they scour every reference book and online guide to find something that may change her back.

If you've seen one werewolf film then you probably know about the tropes that accompany the genre, i.e. full moons, silver bullets and changing back forth - sometimes uncontrollably with an insatiable blood lust. 'Gingersnaps' actually conforms to most of them, but it's main difference (or should I say strength?) is that despite the cast being largely teenager, it's a very adult film and doesn't pull any punches when it comes to the drawbacks of being caught up in this crazy sort of supernatural incident.

Add to this the unavoidable sprinkling of social commentary as the story loosely compares a girl's first period with 'the change.' Obviously, here the 'change' is a more darker affair involving monthly blood.

'Gingersnaps' found a hard time finding its audience (especially in America) due the violent themes among its teenage cast, but its success in places like the UK and Canada kept it going until America seemed to discover it as a late night horror movie.

One to watch if you're a fan of the werewolf genre, or just for the original take for the story.  Don't expect too much in 'creature effects' - they don't properly come until the end and, although it's nice to see practical effects over CGI, the wolf itself looks a bit rubbery.  

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

The Empty Man (2020) - Held my attention

I don't know whether it says something about me, or Hollywood's output in general that one of the best 'ratings' I can give a film is whether it can actually hold my attention for an hour and a half (assuming Hollywood ever puts out a ninety minutes film any more!).  I've seen so many horror films over my life that most of them just kind of merge into one bog monster stalking one big group of annoying teenagers.

It's about an ex cop who helps investigate when a close friend's daughter goes missing.  He soon discovers she's been messing around with the supernatural, which leads him to yet more disturbing revelations.

First of all, is it just me or is having a male lead in a horror film quite a new thing these days?  It seems that roughly since Naomi Watts starred in the US remake of 'The Ring' way back in 2002, it's always a woman who gets caught up in this sort of supernatural tale and has to get to the bottom of it?  This change alone actually seemed to give a tried and tested formula an air of originality.

All the performances are fine and all actors do their best with what they're given.  No the dialogue will never win any Oscars, but everyone generally behaves in ways you'd expect and you shouldn't find yourself shouting at the screen when characters do insanely stupid things which leads to their (or someone's) inevitable death.  I won't go into the rest of the story too much as there are some things (dare I call them 'plot twists?') that you might not see coming and I don't want to spoil the movie for you.

If it does have one major flaw, it's the same flaw that 99% of modern films seem to suffer from and I've already eluded to.  It's probably a bit too long.  I'm guessing you could probably edit this down closer to an hour and a half and not lose too much.  However, it clocks in at over two hours which does mean it tends to drag in places.

Although 'The Empty Man' hardly shatters any glass ceilings in terms of creativity or content there is definitely enough there to make it deserving of a couple of hours of your life.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Dread (2009) - Know your friends

I should point out that this review is based on my second viewing of 'Dread.' The first time I watched it I must have hated it as I only rated it a 4/10 and the only reason I watched it again some years later was clearly because I'd forgotten I'd ever seen it.  I don't know what sort of mood I was in all those years ago, but it's certainly a lot better than my previous rating.

It's about three college students who decide to do a project on people's fears.  They do this by advertising for interviewees to be filmed as they explain what makes them get the creeps.  Without heading into 'spoiler territory' the project gets a little too real when one of the three students decides to take things way too far.

I probably originally watched 'Dread' because it was based on one of Clive Barker's short stories and I'm a big fan of his work.  Although there aren't any monsters running all over the place, there is definite 'psychological horror' at work here and the effects appear to all be practical and well done (if you like that sort of thing).

The three actors play their parts well and there weren't any glaring 'dumb decisions' that the typical protagonists of the genre tend to make, leaving you shouting at the screen.  Plus the film is shot well and the washed-out colour palette lends itself well to the film's bleak feel.

Overall, I'm glad I (accidentally!) gave this one a second chance as it certainly held my interest right to the end.  And, talking of the end, it was the final act that really stuck with me and was certainly well done in terms of 'horrific stakes.' 

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights