The Trip (2021) I think all marriages must go through this

I didn't know what to expect from this one - apparently it's one of Norway's first exclusives to Netflix and, if this is anything to go by, I hope they release many more besides.  It's the blackest of black comedies, filled with betrayal, murder and backstabbing (sometimes literally) where a middle class husband and wife decides to get away from it all and take a trip to a deserted cabin for some alone time.  However, neither suspects that the other has secret plans to murder them and live young, free and single once more.

Now, I'm sure you'll have guessed that neither succeeds right off the bat, as this would then end up being one hell of a short movie.  As it is, it clocks in at nearly two hours.  So the two warring spouses come up across numerous foes along the way, namely an escaped band of sadistic criminals who will do anything to avoid re-cacpture.

There are no major action scenes here, but it certainly is a tense little number and it should leave you guessing as to HOW the couple manages to survive and what happens to them during the story.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Archive (2020) Not bad... for a human

By now my Netflix watchlist was looking pretty sparse.  I'd suffered through their collection of 'original' horror and sci-fi content and got bored of the politic messages it was trying to stuff down my throat.  However, then I came across 'Archive' and was actually pleasantly surprised.  The main character was a man and actually seemed pretty competent about his subject field, which was creating robots in a secret lab, far away from civilisation at the behest of a sinister company.

He's already created some sentient robots, but he doesn't want to expose them yet to the money men for fear of his creations being taken from him.  However, his end goal is really to move his dead wife's consciousness across from its computer storage terminal into a really state of the art robot who you could barely tell the difference if it was standing among humans.

Of course the powers that be soon start taking an interest in his furtive activities and start sending their men to make housecalls.  You could almost seen this as an updated version of 'Frankenstein' as the 'mad scientist' creates his 'monsters' that only he can truly love, much to the disgust of all those around him,

Performances are good and it's mainly just the two stars who hole it together (and one of them is technically 'dead' on screen!) and you can see the loss is weighing hard on the man as he desperately tries to build a body while he still has the resources to do so.

It doesn't sound like much and don't let the run time put you off, but it may take you sticking with it right until the end for you to fully appreciate all the hidden clues dotted throughout the film.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent - More than any Cage fan deserves

In recent cinematic history it's been hard to believe that once upon a time Nicolas Cage was a massive Box Office draw and a major A-list actor who even won Oscars for his performances.  Yet, no matter how great an actor he is, he obviously wasn't too savvy when it came to his finances.  He spiralled into debt and was forced to take one B-list straight-to-DVD film after the next, just to pay off his massive bills.  Then came 2022 and he made it quite clear that he was now... debt free!

And the oddly-titled 'Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent' seems to be one of his first films made now he can properly choose his projects, rather than just using them to cash a pay cheque.  Nicolas Cage plays Nicolas Cage.  Now, when an actor plays themselves, there's a tendency for them to exaggerate their performance in order to make it clear that, although they're playing themselves, they're not really like this in real life.  In this film, I'd almost beg to differ.

Nicolas Cage plays a role that, if not directly based on him, is certainly based on his fans' perception of him.  He's a washed up actor who riddled with debt and takes a gig attending some rich Spanish man's  (Pedro Pascal) birthday party just to pay the bills.  However, what he doesn't know is that the man in question - besides being an uber-fan of Cage's work - is also the prime suspect in a CIA investigation for kidnapping a politician's daughter.

What transpires is a 'bromance' between Cage and Pascal - and it works really well.  I know it's not supposed to be a 'laugh out loud' comedy, but I certainly found myself letting loose more than a few chuckles in the empty cinema I was watching it in.  The two actors definitely have chemistry and most people should appreciate that, even if they don't get every moment of 'fan service.' And there is plenty of fan service contained within.  Hopefully general audiences will enjoy this, but, if - like me - you're a fan of Nicolas Cage throughout his highs and lows then you'll get so much more out of it.

The first two thirds of the film contain the laughs whereas the final act kind of goes a little more serious, while straying from 'comedy/bromance' to straight out action with less comedy.  I found this the only (minor!) let-down in the film as it did feel like a bit of a shift in tones.  However, this was just a minor gripe and shouldn't take away the fun you can get from this film.  If you're a fan of Nicolas Cage then you HAVE to watch this film.  Although, hopefully it will appeal to a wider audience as well.  It certainly deserves to.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

The Bubble (2022) - Nice little satire

I didn't know much about 2022's 'The Bubble,' but I have watched (and enjoyed most of) Judd Apatow's movies throughout the years, so when I saw this one on Netflix I thought I'd give it a go.  It's certainly a product of its time and follows a typical bunch of spoiled celebrity-actors who are forced to isolate together during the pandemic we've all been through over recent years, while shooting the latest instalment of an action franchise that's well past its prime.

It takes more than its fair share of potshots at the celebrity lifestyle, not to mention how they (and us?) reacted to the new rules that were imposed on us during the pandemic.  And, unlike many online reviews I read, I actually enjoyed it.

Most of the jokes land and, seeing as we cannot help but know about the rules and restrictions imposed on us all, its easy to relate to their plight (even though they approach the subject from the aspect of those who have it all and find not having a mini entourage at their disposal as a 'hardship').

However, as with many of Apatow's films, it does go on rather long. 'The 40 Year Old Virgin' was actually quite long for a comedy and yet somehow you wouldn't say it would benefit from a good editing.  However, 'The Bubble' does feel like there were some scenes here and there that could have been left on the cutting room floor and the film would have benefited from being shorter.

There are a fair few names on the cast that you're (semi!) recognise, but no real stand out stars (sorry, David Duchovny!), yet the best laughs come from two (glorified) extras who play the motion capture monsters who seems to steal every scene.

I think anyone who is well into their films, i.e. how films are constructed and the 'behind the scenes' darker aspect of the 'Hollywood machine,' plus those into satire will definitely like this.  However, as relevant as this film is to today (and I'm amazed as to how quickly they managed to get this out!) I'm not sure how well it will hold up over time, as there are plenty of pop culture references that may go over future audiences' heads.  Or is that me just hoping that Tik Tok becomes a thing of the past as soon as possible?

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

A Classic Horror Story - Not that classic

I was really diving deep through an online streaming service's list of horror films.  I've pretty much watched (and forgotten) most of them, so I came across this one.  It's a low budget Italian film (you can watch the dubbed English version if you like) where five strangers share a ride in a camper van across country... with disastrous consequences, as they say.

With a title like 'A Classic Horror Story' I wasn't sure what I was getting.  I remember 'Cabin in the Woods' was deliberately marketed as 'the same old horror story (but with a twist!)' and deliberately subverted expectation in a good way.  Naturally, our heroes (who I can't remember any of their names, but one was British, one was fat and one was old, so they're all just about visually different enough for you to pick out when they start dropping like flies) run into trouble (no spoilers here, but you know the type) when the camper van crashes and they have to fight for their lives.

So far, so samey.  By about the hour mark I was wondering whether the title should simply be taken literally and this was deliberately trying to copy pretty much every similar movie in the genre.  And that's how it kind of went on.  The the final act started.  Now, I'm not classing 'the final act' as the final third, I'm talking roughly the last twenty minutes.  That's when you actually found out what was really going on.

It was then when the title kind of made more sense.  I got what they were going for and it was a nice enough touch.  However, this brings me to the phrase 'too little too late.' Yes, the ending was different enough to just about be memorable, but that doesn't make up for the fact that by then you've spent over an hour watching what could be any other film in the horror catalogue.

So, if you can stick with it until the end, you should feel happy about the pay-off.  Otherwise you've basically seen everything this film has to offer - and probably done better.  Unless you're really that desperate to watch a slasher-style film that's set in Italy.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight - By the numbers slasher film (but in Poland!)

'Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight' was marketed at the first Polish slasher film ever made.  I don't know how true that is, but, let's assume that it is a fact, then it is about the only original thing going for this film.  I'll say now, I didn't hate it, but I was hoping for something a little more.

I know there are so many 'original' ways of having a killer stalk and murder a group of teenagers and still make it fresh and entertaining.  This one is about a group of pretty forgettable cliches who have gone to a Polish Summer camp in order to help cure their 'dependency' on mobile phones and the internet in general.  Naturally, they soon fall foul to a foreboding brute or two in the woods who delights in turning the youngsters into human skewers.  Now, if you're thinking that this is effectively the plot of almost every 'Friday 13th' film then you're probably right.

In fact, it's almost like the film-makers took the plot of 'Friday 13th' and followed it beat for beat, only changing the country it's set in.  Considering this film is made roughly forty years later, you'd think that they could have come up with something that, almost kept to the same 'slasher' template, was different enough to least a lasting mark on the audience.  For me at least, it didn't.

Again, I say that I didn't hate it, but it was so absolutely average that there's nothing to either like or hate about it.  There are kills, but they're nothing special, nor at they particularly gory or different to anything you've not seen before in every other slasher film.

Sometimes the film's script tries to be all 'self-referential' and 'meta.' It goes to great lengths to point out the cliches and tropes of horror films.  Then, for some reason, it adheres to every last one of them.

Overall, it's not bad, but it's nothing 90% of horror fans haven't seen before and seen it better.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Blood Red Sky - Get these m******ing vampires off the plane!

Netflix films can be pretty hit and miss.  This one starts off in one place and then pretty much the rest of the story is one giant flashback, explaining how a passenger plane has been forced to land on a Scottish military base.  We meet a mother who's travelling with her young son from Germany to America in order to get treatment for a - seemingly incurable - illness.  Unfortunately, things don't go to plan when a group of terrorists (who could well be the 'B-team' for that lot who took over the Nakatomi Plaza in 'Die Hard') and the plane is forced to take more than a few diversions.

However, if the passengers think this was not part of the package holiday they'd booked, the terrorists also get more than their fair share of shocks when one passenger (yes, the apparently 'ill') woman turns out to be a bloodthirsty vampire who won't go down with just a few bullets here and there.  I suppose what follows is a game of 'Die Hard on a plane, but with vampires.' Or should that just be 'Air Force One, but with vampires?' 

It's not a bad little film to watch.  There's plenty of gore in the form of people getting their necks ripped out here and there, but nothing you probably haven't seen before in a million other horror flicks.  The writing is nice and believable for almost all the characters.  Unfortunately, the young boy just seemed to get on my nerves.  I know he was supposed to have been placed in a scary situation and was afraid for his mother's safety and what she was turning into, but he just came across as too wimpy, whiny and generally annoying.

However, don't let just one character put you off.  The rest is pretty solid if you're looking for a little action/horror film which has a nice claustrophobic setting and is already part of your rental package.  I wonder what Samuel L Jackson would have made of these bloodsuckers on his plane.  He would probably actually be grateful he only had to put up with snakes.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Fantasy Island (2020) - Surprisingly watchable

It's very rare that a horror movie sets new grounds and becomes some sort of classic that will stay with audiences and change the genre forever.  2020's 'Fantasy Island' is no different.  It doesn't reinvent the wheel or offer anything you haven't really seen before, so often the best you can get from a low-budget horror film is that it entertains you for an hour and a half and is generally watchable. 'Fantasy Island' is just that.  It has enough decent parts to it that it will keep you watching right up until the end and you shouldn't feel like you've wasted your time.

A handful of people get invited to a tropical paradise which boasts that it can make any and every fantasy come true for each of its guests.  Those who take up this tempting offer are nicely different to each other and, although you probably won't remember their exact names when the credits roll, you'll know each of them by sight (again, often the best a horror movie can expect).  No one puts in any sort of 'Oscar-worthy' performance, but the acting is decent enough and you'll feel for some of them when the body parts start getting hacked off and the blood starts flowing.

Naturally, things don't go to plan and the malicious supernatural element of the island soon comes into play and turns these people's fantasies into nightmares - with often fatal consequences.

Perhaps the one thing that I really liked with this film was that I didn't know where it was going.  Yes, the whole premises is a little hard to swallow and you'll have to suspend your disbelief in order to get something out of it, but, if you do, you'll actually find something worth watching.  In many films (especially horror) you'll know exactly who the hero is and who will survive. 'Fantasy Island' is a little different in that you may not know who the 'true' hero is when it first starts and who survives may surprise you when the film finally ends.

There are also a few nice little twists in it that you might not see coming (I didn't!) which also add to the overall feel of the film and there was even a moment at the very end which I found was very nice and genuinely touching.

Like I say, it's ultimately nothing new.  It's sort of a 'slasher' film where one cast member will be killed before the next, but it's certainly well worth watching if you're a fan of the genre and can find it for cheap or part of your online streaming service.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

The Invisible Man (2020) - Jury's still out on the ending

Taking aside the fact that 2020's 'The Invisible Man' was supposed to be part of Universal Studio's 'Dark Universe' (until 'The Mummy' bombed in 2017 and Universal Studios had to accept that the public just weren't that interested in the concept when they had Marvel Superheroes to keep them going!), 'The Invisible Man' is one of those strange films that I just can't work out how I feel about.

I think it caused 'outrage' on its cinematic release (but then doesn't everything outrage someone these days?) and, having now watched the film, I can't work out which mainstream political 'side' was most offended.  It's a horror/thriller (unless you want to add 'science-fiction' in there as well, but, in my opinion, mainly 'horror/thriller') about, as you've probably guessed, a man who has found a way of turning himself invisible and is now enjoying the 'perks' (if you can call them that!) of his newfound power.

He mercilessly torments his former partner and makes her life a living hell by framing her for one felony after another - in his mind for her 'crime' of leaving him.  I still remember when 'Hollow Man' came out back in 2000 (roughly?) starring Kevin Bacon.  The fact that computers could now make having an 'invisible' actor perform on set was pretty impressive for its time and 'Hollow Man' will always be my 'modern retelling' of the classic tale.  But 2020's take on the source material isn't a complete waste of time.  It has its own spin on the mythology and has a twists and turns that you may not see coming (I didn't!).

It's just the ending.  It really jarred with me.  I wasn't sure what it was trying to say or whether I approved of 'the message' it was trying to state (if indeed it was trying to say anything meaningful at all!).  It seemed like it ended, only it didn't.  It was like the studio wanted to add another bit on after then ending for some reason.  Then things seemed to happen that didn't really fit with what had gone before it and, if you looked too deeply into it, there are some major plotholes in the storytelling.

Overall, it's not bad.  The special effects are very good and the acting is fine, too - for a horror movie.  It's no classic, but it's definitely worth a couple of hours of your time if you can find it as part of a streaming service or something.  I guess however you interpret the ending and its possible message will either add or detract from your overall opinion of the movie.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

The Platform (2019) - A multi-storey cube

Yes, I'll get it out of the way right away - 2020's 'The Platform' is very similar in style and feel to the cult sci-fi classic 'The Cube.' They're both low budget (not that that's a criticism), no big name actors or set pieces and simply rely on a strange and other-worldly situation/location and how the characters react to it.

If I had to compare the two I'd probably prefer 'The Cube.' However, that's not to say that 'The Platform' isn't without its merits.  A man wakes up in a 'prison' which is set on more floors than he can count.  A platform containing food is slowly lowered down throughout the vast facility and those inside can choose to eat... or not.  That's about it really.  It's a simple - if a little weird - story that, despite it's overall lack of answers, is quite gripping as you really do want to see what happens next.

I did feel that the first half was certainly better than the second.  Some characters don't make it all the way to the end credits and their 'removal' (even if they do - sort of - return courtesy of a form of plot device) does make the story less enjoyable.   With such a small cast, the loss of one cast member does make a difference and, even though more characters are introduced as the film progresses, we don't have time to get to know all of them.

You could probably consider it science fiction, only all the technology on display is - technically - available to us today.  Perhaps it's more horror, only there are no supernatural entities or monsters stalking their prey.  Plus, although there is gore and this film certainly isn't for children, the bloodthirsty moments aren't excessive and it's nice to see practical effects on the few times they're called for.

If you're looking for a thrill ride with big name actors and explosions all the way then this isn't for you.  Like 'The Cube' it's a slow-burner where the story's main draw is making you ask questions as to why and how this is all happening.  By the time the credits roll - again, just like 'The Cube' don't expect to have every question answered and every box ticked.  It's one of those films that could be looked at like a metaphor for 'class struggle' and a condensed form of the world with live in.  It's definitely designed to make the audience discuss it later and, despite its flaws, is well worth a watch if you find it part of your online streaming service and are bored with superhero movies and the like.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

The Hunt (2020) - Delightfully gory satire

This film caused all sorts of 'outrage' when it was first released.  Or rather when it was supposed to be released.  It's narrative about 'woke liberals' kidnapping and hunting 'right-wing rednecks' was (inexplicitly!) linked to some real life tragic events and subsequently pushed back for theatrical release. Then, when it did come out, both sides of the political spectrum seemed to think it was an outright attack on them.

I think that whoever watched it and slagged it off just didn't have much of a sense of humour.  Yes, it pokes fun at certain modern political philosophies/ideologies, but - most importantly - it mocks both sides - like all the best satires do.

It hits the ground running and, unlike many modern day films, we're thrown straight into the action - which revolves around gore and bloodthirsty killings.  However, some of the most fun found here is how it 'subverts expectations' and takes more than a few false turns and does a great job at 'faking out' the audience (it got me every time!).

There's plenty of snappy satirical dialogue and the gore appears to be - for the main part - all practical effects, as opposed to the overuse of computer generated effects.  

If you've seen Hilary Swank's name linked to the marketing, don't expect her to be in it much - she's only really in the last act, but she seems to be enjoying herself with what's expected of her.

I think if I had one criticism of the film it's regarding it's final fight - for a film that mainly was quite 'realistic' in terms of what the human body can take (and what it takes to kill a human) the last battle felt like it was lifted out of a Marvel superhero film.  I think I've seen Terminators take less punishment and go down compared to the combatants here!

Anyway, that's a minor gripe.  The rest was just about as perfect as a satire filled with black comedy and gore could be.  Just don't take it too seriously and you'll have a good time.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

The Gentleman - Probably should have been an audiobook

I, like many, have been a huge fan of Guy Ritchie's output even since 'Lock Stock...' - granted not all of his latter work has been successful, but he's sure had more hits than misses in my book.  I have to confess that after about half an hour of 'The Gentleman' I actually switched it off.  I did intend to come back to it, but never really got round to it for months.  In the end, when I finally decided to resume it, I simply started from the beginning.  And I remembered why.

It's pretty dull.  Okay, that's possibly a little harsh if you're describing the whole film, but the first half hour is a hard watch.  You have Hugh Grant as a sleazy private investigator (who's presumably doing his best Ben Kingsley impression from 'Sexy Beast') trying to blackmail an upper class gangster who was on the brink of selling his empire and retiring.

There's a rule when writing that you should 'show, not tell' and yet Guy Ritchie seems to have forgotten this and gets High Grant to effectively narrate every single scene, telling us about every character instead of showing us what they're like and letting us make our own minds up as to their motives etc.  Yes, in typical Guy Ritchie fashion, it's all stylishly shot and looks pretty, but it's still so much of a slow-burner than I was on the brink of turning it off again.

Luckily, for the film, at around the forty minute mark, Colin Farrell arrives and - effectively - saves the film.  He's pretty much a scene-stealer and a treat to watch.  Now Guy Ritchie's overuse of dialogue doesn't seem such a drag to sit through any more.  He's not in it as much as I'd like, but at least his introduction does pick up the pace a little.

If I had one main gripe is that it's not clear who the main antagonist is.  Is it the Chinese?  Is it a nasty newspaper editor?  Or is it the Russians?  Maybe it's someone else who is going to be the 'twist' at the end?

It's not a short film (nearly two hours) and I really struggled to get through the first half.  Luckily, the last act really did improve as things came together more and the ending was actually pretty tense, therefore saving me from completely hating it.  I'm not sure if it's a film I'd watch again (or maybe I'd just watch it from about the hour mark?).  If you're expecting something quick and slick like 'Lock Stock' or 'Snatch' then this isn't it.  Prepare for something a lot more plodding and if you're in the right mood you should enjoy it despite its pace.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Red Notice - How to underuse Hollywood's finest

'Red Notice' is one of those examples of when everything looks good one paper and yet somehow manages to fall short when it's put into practice.  I'm a big fan of Ryan Reynolds, Dwane Johnson and - as Wonder Woman at least - Gal Gadot.  So why wouldn't I be delighted to see them all on screen together for a cheeky little spy, heist, action movie that I don't even have to leave my lounge to watch?

Once upon a time if a film was released 'straight to video/DVD' (and in today's world, 'straight to whichever online streaming service has bought the rights') there was the belief that it would be some low budget forgettable outing with no real stars to speak of.  Well, they got the 'forgettable' bit right.

In short... the three stars all play themselves and phone their performances in, possibly just to collect the hefty paycheck (I hear this was one of the most expensive movies ever to be made directly for a streaming service).  It starts of with shades of 'Tango and Cash' where two opposite characters are falsely imprisoned and now have to work together to escape.  But there doesn't seem to be that much action in the first half of the film, instead choosing that (Marvel-style?) constant wise-cracking humour at every point.  I know the film isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but you really don't need one-liners in every conversation and it really does get a little tiring after a while.

The script then tries to do something original/memorable by making itself overly complicated and throw things in there that you won't see coming.  To be fair... with this one it probably succeeds as the plot turns (I'm not sure whether they're considered 'twists' or not!) are a part of the story you definitely won't see coming as they make no sense at all if you try to think back and recall what's led up to these bombshells.

When it comes to movies on streaming services that you're already paying for, I normally say that these sorts of films are worth a watch if you're a fan of either the genre or one of the main actors.  That's sort of applicable with 'Red Notice,' but there's probably so many other (and better!) action films (most likely from the eighties and nineties) on every streaming platform (or your DVD collection) anyway, that you might as well watch one of those.  I'm already forgetting what went on in this one.  Sorry, Hollywood - just because you get great actors doesn't make for a great film - you need to have a little bit more of an 'edge' to get that winning formula.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back

6 Underground - Watch it if you've already paid for it

I was a Ryan Reynolds fan even before he returned to the big time with his 'Deadpool' films, so I was more than happy to watch an action film produced for Netflix as I happened to have a subscription that month.  I didn't know what it was about, but, judging by the promotional pictures it had plenty of gun-play and explosions and, I'm ashamed to admit, that's normally good enough for me.

I noticed it was quite a long film (clocking in at just over two hours) and, believe it or not, the first twenty minutes are taken up with one long car chase.  Now, this may sound a little over the top, but it's well shot and there are a few nice moments and it's pretty cool.  Then I noticed that every explosion looked like it had firework-rockets spewing out of them - a trait only used by notorious action film director, Michael Bay.  This then happened so much I stopped to check who directed it and - sure enough - it was Bay's first film directly to streaming service.

Therefore, it's no wonder the film looks so good - and I stress the word 'looks.' Everything looks great in terms of shot composition and style, but, underneath there's just that feeling that there's something lacking overall.  If you're an uber fan of Ryan Reynolds you'll enjoy watching him on form as the part he plays - a leader of an elite team of assassins - is one where he can practically sleepwalk through.  The film felt a bit like a recent 'Mission Impossible' film where you have one major star (in this case Reynolds) leading a team of highly-skilled killers to take down the bad guys.

You will get some cool bits, some good bits, some funny bits and some bits that require you to not think too hard about the logic or physics of the situation in order to appreciate what's happening.  The plot is all over the place and sometimes you need to just sit back and enjoy the pretty sets and explosions.  It also has that 'Marvel-style' humour in it where the characters will make a witty quip here and there.  The trouble is, the film isn't for kids and there's plenty of gore.  So if there's just been a situation where many people have died, the humour feels a little out of place and takes away from what should really be a serious moment.

I read online that this was supposed to be the start of some sort of franchise, but, although reasonably successful, it didn't do well enough to green-light a second part.  I can see why.  It's not bad and if you like Ryan Reynolds and/or action films in general, it's well worth a watch as part of your Netflix subscription.  However, if I was expected to pay full-price to see it in the cinema, I'd certainly wait until it was released on whatever streaming service I was signed up to at the time.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Army of the Dead (2021) - This is every zombie movie rolled into one

Alas, Zack Snyder, I knew him well.  I'm a huge zombie fan and therefore loved George A Romero's 1979 classic 'Dawn of the Dead.' Naturally, I was sceptical when I heard it was being remade, but, to my surprise, Snyder handled it well.  Plus his next few films were pretty good, too (I even enjoyed 'Man of Steel').  Therefore, I had high hopes when I heard he was returning to the genre and almost being given a free run with the story and production.

I knew 'Army of the Dead' was not in any way related to his 'Dawn of the Dead' remake, so I was ready for something new.  What I got was an all-you-can-eat buffet of every aspect of a zombie movie ever put to film.

It was like the producers had thrown various cool zombie-related ideas into a hat and then chosen the best.  However, they obviously thought ALL the ideas were the best and so decided to put every last one into the finished product.

You end up with sleeping zombies, dried out zombies who wake up in the rain, robot zombies (yes, seriously), slow zombies, fast zombies, martial artist zombies, zombie animals, zombie queens and kings and, of course, zombies in love.

Now, you'd think with all those elements the film should last about five hours or be more like a long-running TV series.  However, most of those above are never really expanded upon, let, alone explained.

Meanwhile you have the overall plot of a team of mercenaries (most of which are stereotypes who you'll hate, others just criminals) who are trying to rob a vault in a Las Vegas hotel - even though the owner of the hotel has recruited them, making people wonder why he just didn't give them the key.

Naturally, the rest of America isn't too happy about having a city infested with flesh-eaters and have walled it off.  Now they're going to nuke it and make sure there's a 'no fly zone' in place over the city.  Of course this doesn't mean that people can't fly out, so as long as they get their hands on a chopper (which will somehow fit the bags and bags of money they've stolen, the US airforce will be fine with just letting them go.

It doesn't make sense.  Nothing really makes much sense.  Some zombies are practically indestructible... until they're needed to die - then they go down with just a head-shot.  It's a mess and it's all over the place.  One thing though - it is pretty well shot in places.  But just when you get one good looking scene, it's kind of spoiled by Snyder's direction when he focuses in on one thing in shot leaving everything else blurred all around it.

Perhaps if you've never seen a zombie movie before this one might impress you.  Or you're the most forgiving person when it comes to plot holes and things that just make you want to roll your eyes.  If this was the only undead movie around it would be a blockbuster.  As it is... George A Romero was making better (and more scary!) zombie films with a fraction of the budget fifty years ago in black and white.  Probably best to stick to those (or one of the earlier seasons of 'The Walking Dead').

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back

The Brood - No new parents need to watch this

If you're thinking of having children, you really should make sure you don't watch 'The Brood' before you go all the way.  Otherwise you'll probably end up adopting a spaniel instead.  Mind you... it's not just the kids you have to look out for.  It's also advisable that you get your prospective partner checked out before you put a ring on her finger and make sure she can't conjure up evil midget-size manifestations of evil who want to kill everyone around them.  Happy families this is not.

Writer/director, David Cronenberg is well-known for taking us into some dark and horrific places, but this story is - loosely - based on his own experiences during his real-life divorce and custody battle with his soon to be ex wife.

I don't know how that story ended, but I hope it worked out better than what happens in 'The Brood,' where Oliver Reed leads a 'new wave' scientific experiment in his luxury home, where he 'treats' his patients' mental problems by making them speak to him as if he is the person they feel has caused them all their problems.  I know Reed has his problems off set, but his performance just somehow works here.  He's strong, stoic, practically without feeling and totally committed to his own cause - no matter what the evidence to the contrary provides.

However, the husband of one of them women under his care is concerned that she has been hurting their daughter during permitted weekend visits.  He therefore insists that the mother/daughter time swiftly comes to an end.  Oliver Reed's character does not agree.  Tension ensues.

Because 'The Brood' was made back in the seventies, there isn't the need for major special effects, so what you get is some pretty nasty make-up and creepy scenes which are a damn site scarier than a thousand computer generated monsters.

The film may always have the 'look' of the seventies about it, but the story is as solid and terrifying today as it ever was.  A definite classic.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one