Deja Vu - Thinking Man's sci-fi

‘Deja Vu’ is definitely a film that you haven’t felt like you’ve seen before *boom boom* - it’s actually as ‘original’ as any modern Hollywood film is going to be.  And by that I mean it’s probably quite similar to a few others, but presented differently enough to make it worth a watch.  And, if that’s not enough of a recommendation, it has Denzel Washington in it.  What more could you want?

The ever excellent Denzel plays a cop who has to investigate a domestic terrorism incident where someone blows up a boat full of naval servicemen and their families as it draws into port in New Orleans.  However, instead of taking witness statements and making public appeals, he chooses to team up with a shadowy government agency who have invented a machine that can ‘look into the past.’ However, just because they can peek into the past, doesn’t mean they can easily identify the killer.  Unfortunately, the machine can only look into the past exactly four and a half days ago – and time is constantly moving forward.  Even in the past.  Confused?  Don’t worry.  Denzel will explain it better than I can.

Although, it is one of those films where you do have to pay attention.  It’s not one where you can check your Instagram account and wander off for a cup of tea.  I’m not going to go into how the plot unfolds, as there’s more to it than I’ve mentioned.  If you’re slightly put off by the sci-fi element, don’t be.  It works on many levels.  Obviously, there’s a strong sci-fi feel to it, but nothing too over-the-top and the machine has a ‘real’ look to it, like it could really exist in our world.  However, it’s primarily a cop movie where the good guy has to track down the bad guy.  So, hopefully it should appeal to more than just fans of the sci-fi genre.  And, obviously, you have Denzel.  He’ll probably never win any Oscars for his performance here, but it is definitely enough to lift the film to even higher heights.

Don’t expect wall-to-wall action.  This is definitely not a ‘Transformers’ movie.  And it’s all the better for it.  Get ready to follow closely and see what the future holds for the war on terror.  Or should that be the past?

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Kingsman: The Golden Circle – Moore ‘Bond’ than Craig!

The words ‘pleasantly surprised’ always came to mind when I watched ‘Kingsman: The Secret Service.’ I was always more taken with the slightly cheeky Roger Moore era of the Bond franchise, before it all turned uber-serious courtesy of Daniel Craig.  Therefore, I was delighted to see great stunts, ridiculous gardens and over-the-top villains hiding in hollowed-out volcanos (or the like).  Now, I’m even more delighted to say that the sequel is actually pretty good, too.  Yes, you can always argue that the sequel will never topple the original (Empire Strikes Back, Godfather II, Aliens and T2 excluded), but, as far as sequels go, this one stays pretty much true to the spirit of the first and is definitely worth a watch if you like spy movies in general, or – like me – are stuck in the past in the Connery/Moore Bond era.

In case you’re not up on the first movie, you don’t really have to be as this one stands alone quite nicely as well.  It’s about a super secret English spy agency that masquerades as a tailor’s in the middle of London.  However, one sunny day someone goes and drops bombs on all but one of the Kingsmen agents, leaving the last man standing to flee across the pond and join his counterparts in America, aka The Statesmen (and find out who was behind it all, obviously).  It’s good to see all of the cast have returned for this one (even ones you may not think should be in there, but that goes into ‘spoiler’ territory) which is always nice to see.  And it’s equally nice to see that the film isn’t afraid to kill off characters who you may not expect to see go out in the way that they do.  Not only do the Kingsmen and Statesmen have to find out who blitzed the London agents, but also stop Julianne Moore from distributing drugs that will poison the world while they’re at it.  Now, despite my overall praise and enjoyment of the film, I felt that Julianne Moore was possibly the weakest element.  Not because she was an especially bad villain – she’s a great actress and did everything she could to appear as menacing to the world’s population as possible, but she had one hell of a tough act to follow – Mr Samuel L Jackson.  He was so crazy (and brilliant!) in the original that anyone was going to struggle when following in his footsteps.

However, that’s just a minor gripe.  You could say that if you’ve seen one spy movie then you’ve seen them all – i.e. a super villain wants to do X and the hero must stop him, then insert a few high-octane car chases and fist fights along the way.  Well, ‘Kingsman: The Golden Circle’ doesn’t offer anything particularly new by going against that formula.  It’s simply the way it’s done that sets it apart from the rest.  It’s silly, light-hearted fun, but at the same time is able to dip effortlessly into the action genre and also provide some genuine heart-felt moments.  I hope we definitely at least get a trilogy out of this franchise.  Dark, gritty Bond is okay if you’re in the mood to be mega serious, but for those of us who still like our spy thrillers a little more light-hearted, then Kingsman is definitely the way forward.

About the only major thing that jarred with me was some really noticeable CGI backdrops, but the action scenes were so well-shot that these more than made up for the Glastonbury festival that was blatantly created on a PC.

9/10 almost as perfect as The Godfather

Bladerunner 2049 – Good, but could do with a trim

Despite my love of epic sci-fi, Ridley Scott, Harrison Ford and general futuristic shenanigans, I am possible the one geek out there who never really ‘got’ ‘Bladerunner.  I’ve watched it numerous times over the years, every time hoping I’d see it for the ‘masterpiece’ that everyone else seems to.  The weird thing about my interaction with Bladerunner is that as soon as the credits roll, I forget everything I’ve seen.  About the only two things I can remember are something about a man questioning a robot about a turtle and Rutger Hauer snapping fingers towards the end of the movie.  Therefore, when I sat down for the (long awaited) sequel ‘Bladerunner 2049’ my hopes were hardly high.  It’s now nearly a day since I’ve watched it and, although I wouldn’t call it the greatest film I’ve ever seen, at least I can pretty much recall everything the average cinema goer does about a film they’ve just watched – so at least that’s an improvement on the original (from my point of view!).

The first film is set in the future where human-shaped robots (known as ‘replicants’) live among the human population.  Harrison Ford was the cop in charge of bringing in any replicants who go AWOL.  This time round in 2049 we have a similar set-up, this time with Ryan Gosling taking over the role of the cop chasing down rogue replicants.  Now, he’s a good choice for the serious tone of the lead.  Just because the original was filmed in the eighties where action movies were a little more over the top and tongue in cheek, doesn’t mean either ‘Bladerunner’ film is anything other than completely serious.  And, I should say now that neither should really be considered an ‘action’ movie.  If you’re looking for wall-to-wall shoot outs and car chases, you won’t find them in ‘Bladerunner world.’

I suppose as much as I enjoyed Gosling’s performance in the lead, I was (and am) always a Harrison Ford fan.  Now, he came back in a big role in ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ and I keep hearing rumours of a fifth ‘Indiana Jones’ movie.  So, I hope I’m not spoiling this film for anyone when I say that, despite Ford being featured heavily in the marketing, the overall film is kind of ‘Ford-lite.’ This is Gosling’s film and, to be fair, he does it well.  But, I’m being a bit negative.  The film was actually pretty good – it’s strength lying in its atmosphere.  You really do get a feel of what the world is like here.  The long (reasonably non CGI!) establishing shots, combined with the haunting musical score bring a sense of gravitas to the film that few others have.  I can see this becoming a bit of a cult masterpiece of the future, simply by how it looks and in relation to its score alone.

However, as atmospheric is as this film is and, despite that being a bonus, it’s also the film’s undoing.  The film stands at quite a lengthy two hours, forty-three minutes and much of that is spent watching long, lingering establishing shots of various desolate landscapes.  Basically, I’d probably end up editing about ten seconds out of every scene and bring down the overall running time by about twenty minutes (it would help – my opinion!).  Yet, as much as the slow pacing of some of the scenes did drag for me, ultimately the film didn’t seem the full run time (probably felt more like around the two hour mark).  So, I guess that means that I actually enjoyed this one more than the first (rare for a sequel, I know).  Due to its length I probably wouldn’t watch ‘2049’ again for a while, but I definitely think I’d watch it again as it’s left more of an impression on my than its predecessor.  Yes, I’d have liked more Ford (and possibly more Jared Leto, too – also underused!), but you can’t have it all.  In a world of sub-standard sequels it does seem that this one was actually worth the wait.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Gremloids (a.k.a. 'Hyperspace) - Possibly the worst film ever made (and I LOVE it!)

 So, I’ve already mentioned that this is possibly the greatest film ever made, so I really ought to do my best to justify exactly why I think a low budget ‘Star Wars’ parody is so good.  Even though I know deep down that it’s terrible.

First of all, I was seven when this film came out only a year after George Lucas had released Return of the Jedi.  Therefore me (and every other boy of the eighties) was heavily into our ‘holiest of trilogies.’ And, I believe this was before ‘Spaceballs’ came out, so ‘Gremloids’ (or ‘Hyperspace’ if you’re not from the UK) was just about the first time I’d ever seen Star Wars sent up (in anything other than brief TV sketches). 

It’s about a Darth Vader wannabe ‘Lord Buckethead’ (who you’ll have to see to understand exactly why that name is so fitting!) who is in pursuit of the leader of the rebels (who just so happens to be a beautiful space princess) because she’s gone and nicked a bunch of top secret plans from him.  Now, I’m sure you’ll probably agree that this all sounds very familiar.  However, from then on it does veer off from what you might expect a Star Wars parody to be like.  For a start, our evil villain is not exactly hot on her trail.  Instead, he’s ended up on Earth in some small American town.  Therefore, the rest of the film is a case of mistaken (planetary) identity with Bucketbrains chasing around a hapless receptionist, rent-a-kill guy and their vacuum cleaner (Bucketbonse thinks the Hoover is a ‘droid!’).

Now, the best thing about ‘Gremloids’ is that it’s bad.  No, make that EXTREMELY bad.  The special effects are so bad that they’re actually referenced as such more than once during the movie.  Then there’s the acting.  I don’t think they hired any professional actors for the lead roles (I think I saw one guy in ‘Groundhog Day’ but that was about it!).  In fact, I think most student film-makers could make a more believable alien invasion movie than this.  And yet I still say it’s brilliant.  There’s just something weirdly amazing about the whole thing.  I almost can’t place why it’s so great.  I guess it’s because the film-makers knew that they weren’t exactly making a ‘real’ sci-fi epic, such as the source material that it’s based on and just played to the film’s strength, which is a script that is truly funny and a situation that is so daft it just works.

There are times when you see a film with great actors, a massive budget, a well-known writer and director behind the scenes... and the film turns out to be rubbish.  Everything SHOULD work and yet it doesn’t.  Here nothing should work and yet it does.  I would even go as far as to say that the speederbike... sorry SHOPPING TROLLEY chase could well be the worst special effects ever committed to film... and yet I still laugh every time I see it.  I’ve watched this movie so many times now I practically know the script off by heart.  I’d like nothing more than to recommend it, yet I know deep down that it has a very ‘limited’ appeal.  If, like me, you enjoy ‘so-bad-they’re-good’ films, plus love ‘Star Wars’ and cheesy eighties B-movies, then you may just get something out of this.  Otherwise, I can see many people watching the first ten minutes and claiming that this is the ‘worst film ever made’ (and I can see where they’re coming from in a strange sort of way!).

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Red - Die Hard with a walking stick

I don’t know why I feel so ‘dirty’ watching ‘Red.’ Deep down I know it’s hardly Shakespeare and I should never rate it more than a 2/5.  However, there’s something oddly satisfying from watching a load of old actors go crazy with guns and take out wave after wave of trained henchmen like they were immortal. ‘Red’ is effectively an action-thriller, with a healthy dose of ‘Bourne-like’ spy-movie thrown in there.  Bruce Willis plays a retired John McClane (not really, but he might as well – effectively a retired CIA killer) who, something, something, something, ends up on the run with a woman he’s been flirting with over the phone.  Naturally, there’s hired government killers on his trail at every turn and he must fight for survival every step of the way while he desperately tries to prove his innocence.  Think that plot synopsis sounds familiar?  Well, it does.  It’s basically the same as every other recent (Bourne clone) spy movie made in the last few years.  It’s nothing new, but it is fun.

I guess you could say that it’s a bit of a gimmick having the lead being an ‘elderly’ balding (sorry Bruce!) hero, as opposed to a young man with a nice tan and full head of hair on the run.  In fact… it is the ‘age factor’ that is this film’s only real selling point.  Bruce doesn’t go it alone, he’s helped out by an aging John Malkovich, an aging Morgan Freeman and an aging Helen Mirran – all of which are quite capable to murdering any young, highly-trained upstart who gets in their way.  And, yes, it is fun to see them in action.  

Despite the serious subject matter of death at every turn, the film never even attempts to take itself seriously.  It knows it’s daft and over the top and that’s its main saving grace.  If it tried to make us think that a bunch of senior citizens could really do all this then it would be ridiculous.  However, throughout all the car chases and shootouts it almost parodies itself.

If you like your action movies fun (like pre Daniel Craig Bond) then you should appreciate this, plus if you’re a fan of Bruce Willis doing what he does best, or just want to see Helen Mirren wield a sniper’s rifle, then you should definitely enjoy this.  The plot is simple, Karl Urban is kind of wasted as the film’s primary antagonist, hell bent on Willis’ capture/death, but he’s a nice addition anyway.  Just don’t think too deeply about why an older man still has to have a considerably younger love interest at his side!
7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Vampires - Carpenter’s last (nearly) great film

Once upon a time the name ‘John Carpenter’ was synonymous with classic action/horror films in the seventies and eighties.  Now, you barely hear from him – largely because his name has become equally linked with mundane and wasted opportunities when it comes to his output.  It’s worth noting that 1998’s (unsubtly-titled) ‘Vampires’ was his last commercially-successful film.  Personally, I liked a few of his later films, too, but this one does stand out as the last – largely accepted – decent film.  In case you’re stumped as to what this film is about, it’s about those insidious bloodsuckers – vampires – long before they twinkled in sunlight and stared moodily at the human love of their life (Okay, so there is actually a bit of human/vampire luuuv thrown in there for good measure, but, don’t worry, it’s nothing like ‘Twilight!’).

Here a grizzled James Woods plays our heroic vampire slayer, along with an indeterminate Baldwin.  When the rest of their team get butchered in a ‘routine’ slaying procedure, they smell a set-up and start their own investigation.  So, if you know anything about vampires (and, face it… whether you’re a fan of the monster or not, you know the basic rules) you’ll see all the tropes here – the stakes, the bursting into flames in the sunlight and the general Gothic demeanour of the undead.  Now, it’s by no way a high-budget affair.  The sets are just regular places around the mid-west of America and what money went into the production must have gone into the sparsely interspersed gory moments.  Therefore, if you casually watch part of it, you may be lured into thinking it’s just another low budget straight-to-DVD horror flick.  However, what possibly raises this above every other similar film of the day is the setting.  I’ve mentioned that there aren’t many fabulous and spectacular sets designed just for the film.  It’s set basically in a modern day ‘Wild West.’ Therefore, if you came across this film and there wasn’t anyone sucking someone else’s blood, you may be tricked into assuming that it was a cowboy film.  This does give it a bit of a look and feel of its own and probably went some way to save the film, but, the location is probably just a minor point, the star is James Woods – and he carries the film completely.

James Woods is at his grumpy best.  Don’t expect a light-handed touch when dealing with everyone from the local priest to the highest vampire in the land.  He’s basically an anti-hero who doesn’t let much stand in his way between him and his slaying activities.  Woods star alongside Sheryl Lee (best known for dying a lot in TV’s ‘Twin Peaks’ and, as I said, some Baldwin or other, plus your typical tall, pale dude with long black hair for them to battle.  But, it’s Woods all the way.  Technically, there’s nothing special about this film and nothing that you haven’t seen before in any other vampire-related movie.  However, if you like your horror gritty, realistic and not pulling any punches then you should get something out of this (either that or you’re just a fan of James Woods, then this should be at the top of your ‘to see’ list!).

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth – Dramatic drop in quality

If you’re into serious sickness in your horror and skinless corpses getting down and dirty with each other before hatching murderous plots, then Hellraiser 1 and 2 should do quite nicely for you.  They follow each other and tell the tale of a mysterious puzzle box that, when opened, summons the ‘cenobites’ – a race of demons who want to tear you apart for their own amusement.  The first two films go together nicely and the second expands on the first.  However, with part three we’re introduced to new characters and the series seems to deviate from what’s gone before.

The only thing that links it is ‘Pinhead.’ And, if you don’t know who that is then you obviously haven’t seen any cover art for the franchise.  He’s the ‘lead cenobite’ and basically the only real reason you’re going to want to watch part three.  In fact, Pinhead, despite being the villain, is the most charismatic and interesting aspect of the whole film.  Once you take him out of it there’s really little left that’s any good.

It’s about a female reporter who discovers the existence of the cenobites and the box that calls them and decides to investigate.  However, the whole film is very dated.  Somehow the first two seem to exist in a time and place that’s pretty indeterminate.  I had difficulty telling whether the originals were set in America or the UK.  Here it’s set firmly in nineties America – and it always will be.  Everything screams nineties, with the possible exception of the acting, which in cases like ‘Doc’ could well be taken from the nineteen forties.  I hate to pick on one actor, but the lead female’s cameraman seems to act like he’s reading his lines off a prompt card out of shot.

At least he’s not in it that much.  The lead female is about as generic as you can get and just stumbles from one forced plot device into the next.  Everything about the film screams ‘low budget’ and, despite a few nice moments of gore and practical (bloody!) effects, everything falls on Pinhead’s shoulder to save.

If you’re a fan of the first two, know that the drop in quality is about the only thing dramatic about ‘Part III.’ Most of it is dire, interspersed with good scenes starring the bad guy who you might as well root for seeing as the heroes are so damn bland.  Oh, and watch out for the dumbest cops ever to be caught on camera in the final act.  They deserve everything that’s coming to them.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights