Dark Was the Night - One of the most grounded horror films I've ever seen

We've all seen horror films where we end up shouting at the screen when the characters (and soon to be victims!) do daft films which end up in them getting sliced and diced horribly.  Then we've also seen the more modern (if 'Scream' from back in 1997 can be considered 'modern' any more) horror films which do their best to be more 'meta' and point out the flaws and cliches in the genre, then do their best to subvert them.

However, 'Dark Was the Night' will never be mentioned in either type of those films.  It's a horror film - and not a high budget one.  It's about two police officers in small town America who wake up one morning to find mysterious animal (?) tracks which stretch all the way through the town.  Naturally, the population are worried as this is like no animal they've ever encountered before.  And, while the police try to pass it off as 'pranks' in the hope they're actually right, local animals are the first to fall victim to whatever is on the prowl.

The plot certainly isn't original.  And nor is the setting.  All the way through I kept likening it to an early episode of 'The X-Files.' And, as I've already said, it hasn't got much of a budget.  You don't really see much of the creature and there isn't as much gore as you may think.  Yet don't think that just because you don't see everything that goes on doesn't mean that this isn't a pretty creepy little number.  The film-makers do the best with what they have and crank up the tension right the way until the final act where they confront what has been hunting the town all this time.

The best thing I found was that the characters actually do logical things and don't just run off screaming in all directions at the first sign of danger.  It's nice to see those on screen actually make logical decisions which make sense, considering the very out of the ordinary situation they found themselves in.

It's a slow burn and with little action, well-known actions, gore or effects to speak of, I'm guessing many may find this dull.  I actually really enjoyed it and it held my attention right to the end.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Curtains (1983) - Hasn't aged well

I do love me some cheesy old eighties horror films.  I sometimes wonder how many they actually made during that time because, no matter how many I watch, there still seems to be a whole barrel-load that I have yet to indulge in. 'Curtains' is one of the many, but, whereas some are still as enjoyable today as they were back then, there were plenty that fall into that trap of simply being generic at best and forgettable at worst.

I don't know how well 'Curtains' was received back in the day.  I hear it's a classic now, but, having watched it, I can't see why.  It's about an actress who willingly gets herself committed to a mental asylum in order to help her understand an upcoming acting part where this sort of experience will be helpful.  However, she soon realises she's been betrayed by the director who oversaw her being put there in the first place and left to rot.  Luckily, breaking out of such secure facilities appears to be quite straightforward and she soon turns up at his mansion during a weekend where he's invited several other actresses to try out for the same part.

So, does she start killing everyone?  Well... maybe.

The fact that the killer wears a mask does mean that this is technically a 'who done it?' but you'll probably work things out pretty quickly.  There are some genuinely creepy moments (like the mask the killer wears), but there's not much gore if you're looking for that and you won't really get to know too much about the generic characters, so you won't really care that much when they make their final curtain call.

I see this film has a reasonable following and positive reviews.  I guess it just didn't gel with me, but I suppose it's a competent enough slasher flick from the early eighties, I just found it a little too generic to really make a mark on me.

4/10 You can watch this film while you're doing the ironing (you'll still get the general gist of it)

Renfield (2023) - Cage delivers

If you were around in the nineties then Nicholas Cage was one of the biggest names in Hollywood.  Then came the last twenty years or so when the once great actor made some dubious financial decisions in his personal life which meant he had to star in whatever guff was put in front of him simply in order to pay the bills.  Luckily (for him and the cinema audience), he seems to be more financially stable and can therefore choose his roles a little better.  And here comes 'Renfield.'

Nicholas Cage's name may be higher on the bill (and definitely higher on any promotional material), but it's actually the younger Nicholas (Hoult) who is the centre of the story, playing the long-standing (and long-suffering) assistant to the most evil man alive, Count Dracula himself (ala Nicholas Cage).  Cage doesn't come into it as much as many of us would like, but, when he does, he genuinely steals every scene and is well worth the film's runtime alone.

If the film does have a weakness it's that the parts where Nicholas and Nicholas are too good.  Because there's a sort of sub-plot where a local police officer who is trying to take down the local crime family which has been interwoven within the main supernatural narrative.  I can see how this part of the story fits in with the overall narrative, but it just feels a lot slower and 'normal' compared to the wild over-the-top horror of the main reason people have chosen to watch this film in the first place.

'Renfield' is definitely a 'horror-comedy' as the story shows all the laughably bloody consequences of getting involved with the Prince of Darkness and what day-to-day life working for such a villain is like.  Expect plenty of gore (some of which is disappointingly CGI-heavy) and plenty of laughs.  The more you know about the Dracula legend the more you'll get out of this, but it should fit the bill for everyone from die-hard Cage fans, to the general horror audience.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Basic Instinct - Still got it - even today

There's probably not many people who don't know about 'Basic Instinct.' Whether you were around when it hit the cinemas or now only know it through its infamous reputation, it's a film that leaves people divided.  But, the fact that it was a roaring success at the time, launching Sharon Stone into the big league and cementing Michael Douglas as a leading man for not just the eighties, but the nineties as well, should tell you that there's something there which still stands the test of time.

I guess a fair few critics hated it.  I remember the faux outrage from those with - allegedly - large craniums, as they stroked their collective beard and declared it 'trash' and 'too smutty' to be taken seriously.  Possibly true, but damn good fun nonetheless.

There are stories that use s3x as a gimmick and the few where the act itself is central to the plot and it's hard to imagine the film any other way. 'Basic Instinct' falls into the latter.  Yes, there's plenty of - er - naughtiness, but it's not as over-the-top (and explicit!) as you may have been led to believe.  Well... maybe.

Michael Douglas plays the part of a troubled police officer, charged with the task of investigating whether an aging rock star was brutally murdered by his author girlfriend, Sharon Stone, or maybe someone trying to frame her.  Naturally, Douglas gets a little too close to the case for his own good and becomes entangled in a web of murder and mystery.

Maybe with lesser actors 'Basic Instinct' would have been forgotten, but the sheer chemistry between the two leads makes it work and Douglas does his best to hold his own to the part that now couldn't have been played by anyone else but Stone.  She really does smoulder in every scene, giving the impression of an old school 'femme fatale' yet occasionally making way to show her 'softer side,' proving that she's not just a pretty face, but actually capable of intense scenes of emotion.

Yes, there is s3x.  Yes, there is some pretty heavy scenes of gore.  If you're okay with that and enjoy a mystery that might not be quite as straight forward as the marketing may have you believe then 'Basic Instinct' still towers over any of its competitors.  Just a shame about the sequel.  Definitely avoid that.  

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

 Cursed (2005) - For a film destined to be a mess, it comes out watchable - just

After horror director, Wes Craven, succeeded with massive success with the 'Scream' franchise, so the studio decided to pair them together again in order to start a new franchise with teenagers vs werewolves.

The trouble is, werewolves have to the least scary of Hollywood monsters these days.  I know there have been some exceptions over the years.  We've had 'An American werewolf in London' and 'Dog Soldiers' that did the practical effects really well and created an excellent atmosphere.  However, 'Cursed' doesn't seem to have those films' budgets.  Or if 'Cursed' ever did, the fact that this has gone down as one of the most troubled productions in recent decades.  The film-maker really didn't know where the story was going so many different revisions of the script was circulated and even filmed.     

However, the producers weren't happy.  Even when the film was finished it was released for nearly two years because the producers were still not happy with the final project.  The brought in yet more writers who got rid of some original characters and combining others into just one actor.  The even took out the practical special effect and, instead, put in a lot of bad Playstation 2 cut-scene effects.

So, what you're left with is a complete mess, but, believe it or not, it's not compeltely awful.  Yes, course the story is very disjointed in places, but there's still a small amount of gory fun to have while you guess who the head werewolf is and can he be killed?  Certainly rent, don't by.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Contracted (2013) - Surprisingly excellent

I had no idea what to expect when I sat down to watch this and, for the first fifteen minutes or so, I was debating whether I was going to sit through the whole film.  I'm so glad I did.  It turned out that there are still some ways of using the tropes of an old horror genre in new and creative ways.  I ended up being completed engrossed in the film right up until the final scene (which, effectively, is the final pay-off).

It's about a woman who gets a bit too tipsy at a party and ends up having a one night stand in the back of a car.  However, the morning after she finds she's been left with more than just a few regrets and embarrassing photos on social media.  She thinks she has a s3xually transmitted disease, but, as the film progresses, it turns out to be something so much worse.

I'd rather not say too much about the plot, as you'll only get to see this the once without knowing where it's going, but I will say that it's nice to see characters who are actually 'human.' There are no 'modern characters' who don't have any faults and always make the right decision.  Here we go along for the ride with characters who are believable and make mistakes.  With all the perfect characters in today's movies it was like a breath of fresh air to see a film like this - almost like looking into another dimension where good, lot budget, creative little movies were allowed to be made that weren't already based on a past IP.

I guess you could definitely call 'Contracted' 'body horror,' but there is another horror genre it fits into, however, letting you know that would be a major clue to the ending.  As I watched it I had a shrewd idea of where it was going, but, as I said, it's not until the final scene do they actually confirm it.  Give it a go - it's actually a lot of fun, plus it's a nice, tight hour and a half - another relic of past movie-making, seeing as every film today has to be at least two hours.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Plan 9 From Outer Space - Yes, it's so bad it's good

It's fair to say that 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' is a bad movie.  If you go into it expecting anything besides bad acting, bad special effects and a storyline that doesn't really make much sense, then you're simply going to wonder why this film is talked about so much.

It's about an alien invasion where the flying saucers don't simply arrive and nuke the White House, but instead decide to use the bodies of recently deceased humans against us.  And it's up to a pilot, a cop and some other random 'heroes' to save the day and defeat the aliens and the wires their ships are 'flown' on.

If you scour the internet for lists of 'the worst movies ever made' or similar trivia, 'Plan 9' will most likely be up there.  And, because of its seemingly never-ending negative reputation, it's developed a sort of cult following where people watch it to laugh and experience just how bad it really is.

And it is pretty bad.  The 'acting' if often carried out by people who aren't actually actors.  The sets sometimes wobble when actors pass by.  As I've mentioned the flying saucers are simply hung by strings in front of pictures of cities etc.  And the plot just kind of wanders from one scene to the next with little in the way of a plot or story to string it together.

But, whereas there are films that are just bad and you feel like you've wasted your time and got nothing out of the experience, this one will give you some small satisfaction - just make sure you know what you're in for.  It may not be how the creator (Ed Wood) actually envisaged it (he genuinely thought it was going to be an epic and scary sci-fi masterpiece - bless him), but it deserves to be watched at least once to be believed.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Glen or Glenda (1953) - Scarily relevant

Okay, I'll confess to only watching this because I'm a fan of cheesy B-movies - and, by association, the 'genius' that is Ed Wood and the semi-biographical film starring Johnny Depp - therefore I figured I might as well watched one of Edward J Woodward's first films, 'Glen or Glenda.' Boy, was he a film-maker who was ahead of his time.

It's no secret that Ed Wood enjoyed dressing up in women's clothing.  I guess what you make of that is entirely up to you.  In the film they refer to such people as 'crossdressers' or 'transvestites,' but in today's 2023 'gender-fluid' world, I say again, what you call such a person is up to you.

I'm not making any sort of judgement on Ed Wood, or those who in any way indulge in any aspect of such lifestyle.  I merely drew my interest in this film based on how this - er how do I put this - 'niche' or 'kink' has been around and if you think that gender transformations and hormone therapy is simply something that has come along in the last few years then prepare for the startling realisation that it's been around for a lot longer than you probably presumed (certainly longer than I thought!).

'Glen or Glenda' is hardly a story, yet not is it a documentary - I guess you could call it a 'drama-documentary' as at no point does it pretend like it's some sort of fly-on-the-wall documentary, charting the lives of real people.  It's simply a window into a world that was very much swept under the carpet of what society wanted to admit was happening.

I look at it as an interesting piece that can be considered more than relevant to what's going on today.  Was Ed Wood really some sort of prophet, or just a guy who was lucky?

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Cold Skin - Attack of the fish people

I didn't know what to expect from this movie when I sat down to watch it.  Just before the start of the First World War, a young man (David Oakes) takes a job charting the weather on a remote island, only to discover it's not as 'uninhabited' as he first thought.  Besides the location's only 'official' resident, a lighthouse keeper played by Ray Stevenson, every night the place is besieged by seemingly never-ending armies of fish people - and they're not the sweet Disney Little Mermaid kind either! 

So, the two men must start a fight for their lives in order to survive not just the night, but an entire year before the next boat passes by and hopefully rescue them.

I really enjoyed this to begin with.  There's a real feel for the isolation of the setting and the characters are believable in their actions - at the beginning.  However, as other reviewers have pointed out, the audio is terrible in places and the conversations between the two - only - characters is almost impossible to make out.  It's because of this I may well have missed out some explanations of various plot points, like why one fish person seems to be nice and Ray Stevenson is okay with her living alongside them when he simply wants to wipe the rest of them off the face of the planet.

The creature effects are good and it's nice to see not too much computer-generated effects, but the movie starts to drag in places, partly because there's only really two characters and there's not an awful lot for them to do, other than fighting off wave after wave of monsters.

By the time the film comes to an end you'll kind of have guessed how it's going to play out.  There's no real shockers along the way.  It's an okay sort of film that was effectively a good idea, but just kind of outstayed its welcome based on the little 'story' there was to tell here.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights