The Quiet Ones – Quietly forgotten 

There once was a time when the studio was synonymous with classy horror.  Then they disappeared.  Then they came back.  And only a few people really noticed.  Their first efforts returning to the genre had mixed success.  However, ‘The Quiet Ones’ really is a film that is best left off their C.V.

It’s a sort of mixture of ‘found footage’ and possession film.  Luckily, the whole film isn’t found footage. It’s *supposedly* based on true events.  I haven’t looked into this, but I’m guessing it’s about as true as most films that are allegedly based on true events.  A university professor is conducting experiments on a girl who is apparently possessed.  He also wants it documented by a student cameraman (hence we have elements of point of view shots thrown in the mix for ‘added scare’).

Nothing radical about the premise, but perhaps my biggest gripe was that they tried to set it in the seventies.  Seriously… it’s like the film-makers only had access to a sixth form college’s wardrobe department.  The ‘costumes’ (and I use that word lightly) are basically the most clichéd seventies outfits I’ve ever seen.  In fact, they pretty much look like they could be worn today and no one would really notice.  The biggest nod to the seventies are in the haircuts, which are bad.  The nerdy cameraman-guy has a clichéd nerdy haircut.  The suave rich guy has a clichéd suave rich haircut and the girl just looks like she’s wearing a wig (don’t get me started on the girl – she shows just how ultra decadent she is by constantly waving a cigarette around in one of those long holders they never use any more and wearing mini dresses).  Then you have the professor in charge of it all.  He too is the most clichéd ‘nutty professor’ type character committed to screen in recent years.

It’s unfair to critise the principal cast’s acting abilities, for the dialogue is so stilted and badly-written that even the greatest actors would struggle to breathe life into the words.  About the only actress who really brings her character to life is the poor unfortunate girl who’s been possessed and spends her days being tortured by repeated playing of Slade songs and having her arms burned (for what reason I don’t know!).

All in all, this is a bad film and – worse – completely unscary.  The mish-mash of documentary footage and regular footage adds nothing to the atmosphere which comes across as cheap and nasty at all times.  There are twists to the tale, but, by the time they arrive, you probably won’t care much about them anyway.  Just  best to skip this one.

3/10 Jabba the Hutt wipes himself down with this film