The Assassination - Might as well be an audio book

I don't know what's wrong with Bruce Willis. He seems to be starring in more and more of these `straight to DVD' films these days. I can't see him needing the money while he's still making Die Hard films, so why does he do it?

Here, like so many other (non cinema) films, he puts his face on the front cover of the DVD box and various promotional material to lure people like me into thinking he's in it for more than a few minutes. In truth, his part is little more than an extended cameo.

The film is about a school that is entirely populated by stereotypes. The nerdy boy likes the hot girl. There are arrogant jocks and a host of other clichés. Then, when some test papers are stolen, the hot girl wants the nerdy boy to investigate for the school newspaper. So follows a sort of `detective story' only with no actual detectives and in a school instead of a seedy criminal underworld. Plus the lead character narrates constantly. If he walks into a gym, he tells you he's going to walk into a gym then goes on to list every person taking part in a physical activity inside. Seriously, it was like watching a film with the director's commentary on!

I was watching this film and it's never a good sign when you start wondering how long it's been on for. I guessed 45 minutes. I checked on the DVD timer and found I'd only watched 15 minutes. I'm afraid I couldn't last any more than 30 minutes of this.

Maybe it got better after that and, if I did myself and the film a disservice, I apologise. But the opening half an hour was so dull, full of clichés and over-narration, I just couldn't bring myself to watch it any more.

4/10 You can watch this film while you're doing the ironing (you'll still get the general gist of it)