X-Men: Apocalypse – Stuff happens

I’ve been a fan of the ‘X-Men’ films since they first appeared on our (big) screens way back in 1999.  The first two were great, I didn’t even mind the third that much and the spin-offs were better (in my opinion!) than most people made out.  Naturally, I was sceptical of the franchise’s (soft) reboot with a new – much younger – cast.  However, thanks to JJ Abram’s style of rebooting a franchise, i.e. shove in aspects of time travel and a parallel universe to keep us die-hard fanboys quiet and it sort of worked out, blending old and new cast members alike.  Then came the awkwardly-titled ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’ and I got completely lost.  That may come from me not seeing its predecessor (‘First Class’) for a while, so I had kind of forgotten who’s who.  However, you would think that any film would need to be reasonably accessible to a new  audience (or someone like me who had just forgotten what had happened before).  Basically, it was a bit all over the place and people who were dead were now alive and people who were alive were now recast.  Unfortunately, the latest ‘X-Men Apocalypse’ movie kind of feels more like ‘Days of Future Past’ than ‘First Class.’

It’s quite a long film and so at least they try to give some of the characters a bit of an introduction.  Even if you – technically – know who these characters are/were, they’ve most likely been recast, so you’ll probably need a refresher on who they are and whether they’re still playing roughly the same role as before.  I guess the new cast are pretty good/relatable, but I’m afraid I’m used to the ‘old lags’ and it’s like watching ‘Muppet Babies’ or ‘Tiny Toons’ only with mutants instead of miniature Kermit the Frog or Bugs Bunny (there’s even a – practically – teenage Striker trying to hunt the mutants down!).  We see our – now young – heroes going about their daily life, getting picked on by that clichéd bully we see in every Hollywood movie with a high school in it and the once fearsome Nightcrawler looks like he’s about to cry most of the time.  It just feels so far removed from the original 1999 ‘X-Men’ movie that this is completely unrecognisable.

Then – as my title suggests – stuff happens.  We’re treated to one scene after the other where someone does something.  That’s my main gripe with it.  The story doesn’t really go anywhere.  Sure, the effects are good and the make-up believable, but it almost comprises on a load of stand-alone sketches that don’t seem to follow on from the one before.  We see the titular (‘first mutant’) ‘Apocalypse’ get released and then start recruiting for his higher-management team by generally making them ‘level up’ quicker than usual and a new haircut for free.  Then we bounce back to the fledgling X-Men and so forth until they have to face off against him.  I may enjoy the X-Men films, but I have to confess that I’ve never read the comics, so I can’t really comment on how authentic Oscar Issac’s look or performance is.  All I know is that he looks pretty unrecognisable as the bad guy and is reasonably cool when it comes to villains and the villainous stuff they generally do, but as far as I understand the real comic book fans felt a little short-changed at his overall role.  

However, it all feels a little samey when you place ‘X-Men Apocalypse’ next to every other recent superhero movie these days (and also some NON superhero movies, too) as Apocalypse’s big plan involves the almost mandatory ‘skybeam’ i.e. the giant computer-generated beam of light coming down and laying waste to a populated area.  Yup, it does seem that that’s every super villain’s masterplan these days.

So, did I hate it?  Well, no.  It’s okay.  Like I say – stuff happens.  And, despite most not really following on from whatever stuff happened right before (and don’t get me started on the whole film not really following on from the rest of the franchise!), some of the stuff that happens is kind of cool.  So, it does have that going for it.  I just think that it’s all a bit of a wasted opportunity when you’re presented with such great characters and none of them ever really feel like they’re allowed to shine.  I didn’t think I wasted my time watching it, but out of all X-Men-related films, I think this is the one I’m least likely to bother watching again.

Oh, and is it just me or is there a weird ‘Mother Theresa cameo’ near the start?

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights