Crank - Just don’t expect realism

My friend is a big Jason Statham fan.  I said to her, ‘You must have LOVED ‘Crank’ then?’ to which she said that – actually – she hated it.  Her reason was that it was too ‘unrealistic.’

So, perhaps straight off, I should warn people that if they’re expecting something majorly true to life and realistic then they better move on.  Crank is 100% not realistic.  There have been numerous parallels to video games (mainly the ‘Grand Theft Auto’ franchise) in as much as it’s stupidly over-the-top, but knowingly so – so that’s okay (in my book, anyway).

Jason ‘The Stath’ Statham, plays a hitman with a name that I can never remember how to spell and, one sunny morning in Los Angeles, he wakes up poisoned by a baddie and with less than an hour to live (but, it’s also worth noting that the film’s runtime is over an hour and a half, so we know that the Stath is going to last a little longer than his foe intended).  However, luckily for our cockney hero (yes, he’s not bothering with his faux U.S. accent) he soon figures out that if he keeps his adrenaline suitably raised then he’ll be okay (well, not okay, but won’t die instantly).

So, that’s basically the film – Jason Statham runs (literally!) from scene to scene, finding one weird and wonderful way of keeping his heart rate up while trying to track down and kill the person who did this to him (and, if there’s a genuine antidote out there, he’ll have that, too).  And that’s where the video game similarities start to ring true.  It does seem like Jason Statham is travelling from one ‘level’ to the next, fighting an ‘end-of-level-boss’ before moving on to the next.  What I’m trying to say is that there isn’t much of a story to it, so – again – if you’re expecting either realism or an in-depth story then you’re looking in the wrong place.

Me?  I like a film that’s totally unrealistic with no real story.  Therefore, I loved ‘Crank.’ Yes, it’s totally daft, but it never sets out to be anything other than a completely ridiculous action film that’s filmed like a cool ‘MTV-style’ music video.  If it wasn’t for the fact that Jason Statham is a sex symbol for women, I may be almost tempted to say that Crank is a ‘guy’s film.’ Either way, it’s a type of film that you’ll either love or hate.  I can’t see film critics appreciating it much.  You don’t need much brain power to ‘get’ it – just be in the mood for something both action-packed and low brow.  This is definitely it.

9/10 almost as perfect as The Godfather