Bitch Slap - Grindhouse gore

Do you like great dialogue, awesome acting and no use of digital effects?  You do?  Then you probably ought to avoid ‘B*tch Slap,’ for it has none of those.  It’s probably best described as ‘grindhouse,’ i.e. a type of violent, low-budget B-movie filled with second rate actors who probably look better than they act.  That pretty much sums up this.  It’s certainly not for everyone, but, if you like your grindhouse and are more than a little forgiving, you may get something out of it (failing that… if you just want to look at hot women for an hour and a half and your internet connection has gone down, then look no further!).

It’s about three (naturally gorgeous) women who steal a load of diamonds and go to a rendezvous point in the desert to divvy up the loot.  Obviously, things don’t go according to plan, as those who they stole from get more than a little upset about the theft and come looking for them.  Throw in there a police officer with a nose for trouble and the normal ‘in-gang’ squabbling’ and you have a recipe for disaster (and I’m only talking about the plot when I use the term ‘disaster’).

First of all the acting.  There are no recognisable faces here.  And for a good reason.  I had a theory that the three main lead women were all sourced from (how should I put this?) the ‘adult entertainment’ industry, therefore ‘acting’ was not part of what they were used to.  Basically, they rely on their looks to get them through.

Then there’s the dialogue.  Even if it was well written the actors would probably struggle to deliver the lines with any great feeling.  It all comes across as little more than the script to an afore-mentioned adult entertainment film (and that goes for the criminals and other cast in the film, not just the three leads).

Then there’s the special effects.  Besides the main setting of a desert camp (high budget, huh?) all flashback scenes of any other location is basically filmed against a blue screen.  And it shows.  It’s possible they did this on purpose to emphasise the cheesiness of the whole outing.

So, overall, you have a pretty dire film.  Unfortunately, it’s just so damn entertaining I found it very difficult to hate, despite its numerous (and very obvious) flaws.  Yes, it’s daft, but then it never really tries to be anything else.  It even gives you a major clue in the title.  From the title ‘B*tch Slap’ if you’re expecting anything else other than three girls wrestling and shooting machine guns at each other, then you really don’t know how films work.

Yes, it’s rubbish, but it knows it.  Therefore, if you’re in the mood for rubbish – which I say we all need sometime – then this is for you.  Leave brain at door.  Enjoy for what it blatantly is.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that