Ghoulies - Never just a video box by its cover

I’ve always loved horror films – ever since I was a child.  I remember back in the eighties being a young boy and walking through the video rental shop.  There, I would browse films which I was not going to be (legally) able to watch until I was eighteen.  One such video box depicted – what I would describe through my child-like eyes – one of the most grossest monsters I’d ever seen.  It was effectively a green, slimy, mutant ‘baby’ coming out of a toilet.  It looked so cool.  I just had to see that film.

And I did.  I can’t remember how.  Maybe I annoyed my Dad suitably until I wore him down and he hired it for me.  Maybe I saw it at a friend’s.  However, I loved it.  It was truly as gross as I had hoped.

However, I’m now pushing forty and decided to buy it on Blu-ray.  Part of me wished I hadn’t.  I think I’d rather have remembered it as the coolest cover art box of the eighties rather than what it is.  What it is is a pretty low budget, rubbish little horror film with bad puppets as monsters and terrible acting.

Okay, so I didn’t hate-hate it – I was just disappointed.  A failed demon ritual catches up with some students at university and one of them decides to call back the monsters (aka ‘Ghoulies’) to serve him.  Things go wrong and they start killing people.  Only they’re about as threatening now as Kermit the Frog.  Despite being nicely crafted puppets, they’re still puppets.  My adult brain couldn’t look at them without seeing through their latex skin to the hand operating them from within.  It was because of that I just couldn’t take them seriously as a threat.  How they kill anyone is a mystery.  I think if I saw one in real life I may be creeped out, but I’d just step on it to kill it.

The acting is terrible (no surprise there for an eighties horror film), but sometimes you can overlook that if the script is good, the characters at least a little bit fun or, if nothing else, likeable.  None of that here.  The second half of the film does pick up, but the first half was so forgettable you might as well just skip it until you get to the bits with the – not that scary – monsters.

Yes, the green Ghoulie in the toilet scene is still there and it is quite funny.  But really some films are better left remembered through nostalgic eyes.  There are plenty of classic eighties films that may be cheesy, but are still fun.  I found this a little too hard to watch nowadays.  And now I find there are multiple sequels to watch.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back