I, Frankenstein - The filmic child of a thousand monster movies

It was fair to say that ‘I Frankenstein’ took more than its fair share of criticism when it first hit the big screen (or should I say when it was FINALLY release, as it was pushed back a couple of times prior to release).  It could be considered a ‘sequel’ the classic Mary Shelley tale of a monster, created by science, who can’t find his place in the human world.  We’re told (right at the beginning) through a particularly succinct voiceover, that Frankenstein’s monster, here played by Aaron Eckhart, found his place in society by helping a secret order of Gargoyles to fight demons (please don’t laugh).  So, he spends a couple of hundred years whacking Satan’s minions, which brings us right up to the present day.

So the bulk of the story takes place in an unknown modern-day city – once which doesn’t appear to be occupied by more than a handful of humans.  Or at least I assume that’s the case, seeing as no one ever notices flocks of giant, stone gargoyles soaring through the sky, chasing down and murdering hordes of demons in blazing fire trails.

And that’s about the size of it.  Having watching the film (1 hour and 18 minutes worth – felt more like 1 hour and 40 minutes), I can only really see one major drawback – the dialogue.  It’s pretty awful.  The film is dark and sombre and therefore requires some heavy dialogue to match.  However, the writer just didn’t seem to be able to make it sound anything other than totally forced and cheesy.

And that’s about its only real flaw.  I’m guessing that the main reason it bombed at the Box Office is because it’s absolutely nothing that we haven’t seen before.  If you’ve watched some or all of the following: Blade, Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, Underworld, Van Helsing, Ghost Rider, or Soloman Kane then you’ve basically seen I Frankenstein.  It offers nothing that you haven’t already seen before.  The Matrix was released over fifteen years ago.  It contained ‘slow-motion’ fight scenes and everyone was in awe of them.  Now, we know what it looks like when our hero pivots through the air, slaughtering baddies mid-flight.  It’s not as amazing as it was.  I Frankenstein contains many moments like this – ones that, once upon a time, would have seemed amazing.  Yet, it’s all been done before (and with better dialogue).

Bill Nighy plays the baddie, but he’s basically playing the same character he does in all his films (in fact... he could almost be ‘Viktor’ from the Underworld franchise).

Ultimately, I Frankenstein isn’t terrible, it just isn’t anything that you’ll actually be bothered about seeing again, nor is it anything you’ll probably remember by this time next week.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back