Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi – The end of the greatest story ever - and not in a good way

In 2015 we – us ‘Star Wars’ fanboys – finally got treated to more ‘proper’ Star Wars (and by ‘proper’ I mean with characters we actually cared about in a story set after the events of ‘Return of the Jedi’ rather than prequels or spin-offs). ‘The Force Awakens’ opened to almost completely positive reviews, most completely overlooking the fact that it was a thinly-disguised reboot of ‘A New Hope.’ Yes, I too enjoyed it, but never really went as far as to claim it was as good as many were making it out to be.

Now, ‘The Last Jedi’ opened to mega-praise by the critics, describing it was either ‘The best Star Wars film ever,’ or (at worst) ‘The best Star Wars film since The Empire Strikes Back.’ Then the audience reviews started rolling in and it seems they weren’t so impressed.  I can see why some people didn't like it.  If you never really grew up with 'Star Wars' in the seventies/eighties (and I should point out that I DID!) then you'll see this as a well-shot sci-fi action film and leave it there.  However, if - again, like me - you've been waiting nearly forty years to see your childhood heroes back in action, you may be slightly disappointed.

For those of us dying to see Luke, Han and Leia sharing the screen - we were robbed.  Han isn't in it (no spoilers as to why), so he's out right away and Luke and Leia only share one - kind of pointless - moment together.  Then, the characters themselves have been changed out of all recognition.  Luke is no longer a hero - just a bitter old man who threatens to kill people he disagrees with and gets beaten up at every turn by anyone weilding a stick.

It's the 'Daisy Ridley Show' now - she's presented as perfect in every way, even though her character never seems to have earned any of the powers she's gifted.  In 'The Force Awakens' she does at least have good on screen chemistry with John Boyaga and I was hoping to see that relationship develop further.  However, they're split up and he's sent on - possibly - the most pointless 'side quest' ever to be transferred to the big screen with an equally bland new character 'Rose Tico.'

Oscar Isaac is a great action and - again - shared good screen chemistry with Boyaga in the first outing. Again, their relationship is shelved in favour of him taking a dressing down by a new character with pink hair who now could well be the most annoyingly awful character in the 'Star Wars' universe (Jar Jar Binks, you've just been replaced).  Adam Driver was much more in sync with being the villainous Kylo Ren and clearly enjoying his beefed-up role, but without his mask now he's more just like an angry teen than a truly terrifying Vader wannabe. 

 
It's great to see Carrier Fisher, but, due to her unfortunate passing, she won't get to spend proper screen time with those who made the series so great.

The film looked brilliant and was a joy to watch – visually, but there's so much 'humour' (notice the quote marks?) which just felt out of place in a 'Star Wars' movie and more in line with an ‘Avengers’ movie.’ Then there's the length of the film itself.  It's long.  And not much of interest happens.  It's - technically - the slowest chase movie you'll ever watch.

However, I could almost overlook most of the above flaws if it wasn't for one thing - the story simply didn't make sense.  Things happened that didn't fit in with what was going on around them, or the greater 'Star Wars' law in general.  I know you could say it's all just a silly 'space wizard' tale, but all stories need rules and this one seemed to want to break every last one of them without a decent explanation.

'The Force Awakens' was cheap.  It was just a 'soft reboot,' but - for me - the inclusion of a (recognisable) Han Solo made it enjoyable for me.  Here, there's not an awful lot of 'Star Wars' that I can see - just a pretty, incomprehensible mess that spoils everything that's come before it.  This is - sadly - where I bail out on the franchise.  I don't really care what Episode 9 is like - it can't do anything to make up for the mess that's just come before it.

3/10 Jabba the Hutt wipes himself down with this film