I Am Soldier - Noel Clarke just about makes it watchable

I really wanted to love this.  Not because I’m that much of a fan of ‘war movies’ in general, but I just liked the premise, i.e. seeing what it takes to be part of the S.A.S. (something that I would never be able to do myself, due to being too addicted to comfy sofas, Playstation and takeaway pizza – apparently the world’s toughest soldiers aren’t allowed any of these during missions).

The story follows two recruits (each with their own personal demons) as they go on an S.A.S. training mission in the British wilderness to see if they have what it takes.  I won’t tell you if they succeed or not, only that I wouldn’t have made it for five minutes.

Noel Clarke (Kidulthood) is one of their various ‘drill sergeant-type figures’ who is there to mentor them as they go and he does his best to lift the film out of mediocrity.  He’s about the only star you may really recognise.  And, perhaps that’s one of the film’s main faults: it screams ‘cheapness’ at all times.  It has no real big name actors and the dialogue and acting talent on show isn’t exactly top drawer.  However, its bleakness does add a level of realism to the film that gives you quite an overall gritty tone.

I’ve read comments online about how there are blatant errors in the story.  These seem to all come from people who have actually served in the military and can spot when a British soldier gives an American salute (I didn’t even know there were two different types!).  But, from my completely nonexistent military background, no ‘factual errors’ were apparent.  If I had to guess I’d say this was a reasonable portrayal as to how tough recruits have it.  I rolled my eyes more when our two recruits encounter an attractive woman on the train, only for her to ‘coincidently’ show up a few scenes later.

It’s not perfect and definitely isn’t for everybody.  But if you’re in the mood for something gritty and brutal, plus you like soldier movies in general, give it a go.  It’s not the longest of films, so you won’t feel like you’ve invested too much of your life in it anyway.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back