Longlegs (2024) - Not as good as the critics make out

I don't go to the cinema too often - largely due to the cost these days - so I like to think I'm pretty selective about what I see there.  That's why I often check out YouTube reviews of a film before I decide whether it's worth watching at 'full price.' I have my 'trusted' YouTube reviewers whose tastes normally match up with mine and two of them gave 'Longlegs' utterly glowing reviews.  I like horror films.  I like serial killer films.  And I still love Nicholas Cage from his awesome performances during the nineties.  Therefore, I figured I couldn't go wrong with this one.  I was wrong.

'Longlegs' is set in the mid nineties and is about a serial killer who's been operating since the sixties.  Enter a young, female FBI agent who has a talent for second guessing situations - could she be psychic?  Well, don't expect an answer to that one because that story thread is dumped within the opening quarter of the movie.  And that's just one of the problems.

I remember films and TV shows during the nineties - two of the most iconic female FBI agents of the time were 'Dana Scully' from 'The X-files' and Clarece Starling' from 'Silence of the Lambs.' Both of them were tough and resourceful, while maintaining their femininity.  It was easy to picture them as hardened FBI field agents who could hold their own during the most tough of situations.  Now we come to the protagonist of 'Longlegs.' In the first time we see her in her adult form she's getting briefed among a room full of other law enforcers.  She looks like she's close to tears.  She looks like the sort of person who would burst into tears if you raised your voice at her.  And she doesn't really change throughout the whole movie.  It might not be so bad if she was some sort of 'lab geek' who wasn't really supposed to be on the front line of law enforcement, but, as someone who's supposed to be able to get down and dirty with villains, she's an utter joke.  

The film seems to think that enhancing her breathing adds to the tension.  This just comes off as very annoying/off-putting as her breathing is so loud at times she comes across as some sort of asthmatic.  Plus she's possibly the worst FBI agent ever, always failing to call in back-up whenever she's in danger.  Did she forget her radio or something?

The we come to Nicolas Cage.  He's basically the biggest name in the film (and even one of the producers), yet he'd hardly in it, so don't think he alone can save it.

The above are just the main gripes I had with the film, but there's so much more than just doesn't make sense.  However, credit where it's due - the film is beautiful to look at.  The director clearly can direct and set every scene as a creepy work of art.  It's just a pity the story (which could have worked) is just so boring and has so many plot holes.

I guess, based on the YouTube reviewers who clearly loved it, this film will definitely have its own audience.  Just a pity I can't include myself in them.

5/10 You can watch this film while you're doing the ironing (you'll still get the general gist of it)