Curse of Jack Frost (2022) - Painful from the start

I watch a lot of horror films - and most of them are pretty low budget.  Yes, they're bad, sometimes so bad I eventually turn them off too early to even review.  However, 'Curse of Jack Frost' is an especially bad type of bad.  Most awful low budget straight-to-streaming-service horror movies don't show how bad they really are until at least 15-20 minutes into their runtime.  Not this one - it was bad from the opening shot.

It begins with a selection of hand drawn images, which are basically one hell of a long exposition dump about how Father Christmas was once a bad-a$$ warrior fighting the forces of darkness (led by Jack Frost, in case you hadn't guessed).  Now, besides going on for waaaay too long, they're played straight.  The whole idea of jacked-up warrior Santa sounds like it belongs in 'South Park' to be laughed at, not a horror film in which we're supposed to be afraid of.

Then we're introduced to the usual 'flesh-sacks' at the beginning of every horror film ever made.  They're there purely to die - and die they do.  But, being one of the worst horror movies ever made, the 'Jack Frost' antagonist is revealed to be one of the worst-looking monsters ever.  Seriously, the mask is okay if you're going to an average Halloween party, but the real problem arises when he speaks.  His lips don't move.  The film-makers actually didn't have the budget to animate any part of his face.  It's just a mask.  No more, no less - like I say... as scary as any you can buy around the end of October every year.

And that was about when I knew I was going to want to turn this film off.  I stuck with it, simply because I wanted to see if it actually had any redeeming qualities.  It didn't.  I really wish I could get back the hour and a half I spent watching this film.  It's not scary.  It's not gory.  It's not self-aware or in any way clever.  It's really one of the worst horror movies I've watched online recently.

2/10 Scuzzier than the leftover goo from a Queen alien's egg sack