Whiteout - Unfortunately just ‘so what?’

I’m writing this review after watching ‘Whiteout’ a second time.  I saw it a couple of years ago as I’m a reasonable fan of Kate Beckinsale and wondered why I couldn’t remember a thing about my initial viewing.  Now I’ve watching it a second time I figured I better write this review before I totally forget it yet again.

It’s pretty damn forgettable.

Beckinsale plays a U.S. Marshall who’s stationed in Antarctica and uncovers the continent’s first murder.  She therefore has to solve it because... well, just because.  Like I mentioned earlier, I’m a fan of Kate Beckinsale.  However, I just couldn’t really buy her as a tough, hardened U.S. Marshall.  Her ‘cat-like’ sleekness worked brilliantly in the ‘Underworld’ films as she was an immortal vampire, however, now she’s human, believing she has lived her life knocking people’s heads together and bringing down drugs cartels doesn’t really add up.

The research station she’s based in is filled with men (yes, you see a couple other women, but they don’t really come into it).  The concentrate on the men because the killer is blatantly a man, so you need to try and work out who.  It basically descends into a ‘slasher film in snow.’ Whereas as similar films (like ‘Scream’) had interesting suspects who might be the killer, here we have the blandest bunch of guys ever seen on screen.  You won’t really care who’s the killer and who gets killed.

You’re left with a bland ‘slasher’ film with a clichéd ‘cop with a dark past’ thrown in there.  The dialogue is bland.  The action is bland and you just won’t care about anything. 

I don’t know why, but I kept thinking of John Carpenter’s classic horror film ‘The Thing.’ Yes, I know the only real similarity between the two is the snowy setting, but, if you want to watch a ‘who-dunnit’ in the snow, just watch the one with the alien in.  At least it has gross special effects!

Yes, most guys will enjoy Beckinsale’s opening scene, but, after that’s over, it’s pretty much downhill all the way.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back