Pompeii - A history lesson in CGI

A little known fact is that, two thousand years ago, everything was computer generated.  In ancient Rome computer generated people lived in computer generated buildings in computer generated cities set against computer generated back-drops.  Or at least they did until computer generated disasters befell them.

Or at least it seemed that way if you’ve just watched Pompeii.  Wow, there’s a lot of CGI in that film.  But then that’s the least if it’s faults.  I could have lived with the amount of computer generated sets if it wasn’t for the fact that everything going on in front of it has been done to death a million times.

Someone else described it as ‘Titanic meets Gladiator.’ If only, but I can sort of see where they’re coming from.  It’s a completely factually inaccurate account of a British native (I call him ‘Jon Snow’ as I only know his ‘Game of Thrones’ character and he’s basically the same surly loner) whose parents are killed by the (typically horrible) Romans and he’s taken away to be trained as a gladiator for their savage amusement.  On his way he just so happens to meet the one rich princess who falls instantly in love with him within ten seconds of their encounter.  The only trouble is… she’s only bequeathed to the evil Roman senator responsible for poor ol’ Jon Snow’s family’s demise.

I found it quite hard to believe that, after all this time, that plot line is still being used.  It comes across like a Disney film with live actors (and much CGI scenery).  It’s not the actors’ fault – they’ve hardly been given an Oscar-worthy script to work with.  The plot is predictable and the dialogue just about passable.

But you’re probably not watching it for its deep and meaningful plotline – you just want to see things explode.  And they do.  But only really in the last twenty minutes.  As in all the old accounts, Pompeii gets sacked and everything gets blown up, albeit here computers do the job of the real volcano etc.  It’s not that inspiring.  If you’re really looking for destruction, watch the Avengers or any other big budget film where a city gets destroyed in a PG sort of setting, meaning you hardly see any real death and destruction.

However, despite Pompeii’s many flaws (and I haven’t even touched n Keifer Sutherland’s weird accent), it’s not that bad.  It’s a film to watch and remove your brain.  Just sit there and eat popcorn.  If you’re expecting something amazing then you’re always going to be let-down.  It’s an average film, but if you set your sights low enough then you’ll probably stay entertained for nearly two CGI hours.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back