Green Room - I obviously didn’t get it :/

I’ve seen pretty much every type of horror movie, meaning I’ve seen every different type of monster (or mutant=-redneck) stalk pretty much every cliché of teenager across every different type of landscape.  It’s fair to say that after – roughly – fifty years since the (original) ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ popularised the ‘slasher’ genre, there isn’t really anything new to expect.  The best you can hope for is an enjoyable rehash of something you’ve already seen that brings a sliver of something new to the table.

I looked at the reviews for ‘Green Room’ and was pleasantly optimistic as it’s rated very highly on many websites.  I’ve always been a massive fan of Patrick Stewart and Ashton Yelchen usually turns in a decent performance (still say he was the best part of ‘Terminator: Salvation’) so, even if it wasn’t that original, I was expecting something pretty entertaining.  However, I’ve left it a couple of weeks to write this review and I’m finding it pretty hard to actually remember much of what happened – in short, I found it pretty forgettable!

It’s about a young, up and coming band who – as hard as it is to believe in this day and age – doesn’t use social media to promote themselves.  Therefore, they’re pretty much unknown, touring up and down America in pretty low-key venues.  But, they think their luck is about to change when a contact offers them a gig where they can headline (and earn a bit of decent money in the process).  Unfortunately, and this is a lesson to us all, the gig is in front of a group of white-supremacists who are hardly people you want to entertain.  But, they almost get away with it if it wasn’t for the fact that they witness a murder and their (not particularly adoring) crowd isn’t too happy to just let them walk away as witnesses.  Therefore, the band are forced to lock themselves backstage in (you may have guessed it) the green room and try and figure a way of escaping before they just get ‘disappeared’ long before they ever get the chance to win their first Grammy.

Basically, it’s a ‘siege movie’ (think ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ or something like that) with ‘band vs Nazis.’ It’s an acceptable enough premise, but it’s, as I’ve already mentioned, kind of forgettable.  The band are just not that likeable (or even memorable!).  Without wishing to spoil things too much, one dies and it took me a while to even notice!  I must have just blinked and they just vanished.  They really were pretty forgettable.  Obviously, the extreme ring-wingers were naturally nasty so you’d probably be a bit strange to root for them over the band, but it wasn’t as violent as some of the reviews had made out.  Yes, it is pretty dark and hardly a ‘feel good’ movie, but I was expecting even more heads to roll than were on offer!

It wasn’t’ a bad film.  It was just nothing I hadn’t already seen before.  Patrick Stewart is the head bad-guy and he’s – naturally – always worth a watch, but, in my opinion, this wasn’t the greatest swansong for poor old Ashton Yelchen.  If you haven’t seen that many siege movies, or are a major fan of any of the leads, you may find this quite good (or shocking!).  However, if you’re a grizzled veteran to the genre then there’s little here you haven’t seen before.  I’ve pretty much already forgotten most of it (but then again with my age I could just be getting senile!).

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights