Outcast - Attack of the pigeon plunderers 

I guess Scottish cinema has gone downhill in the last fifteen years. In the mid nineties we had Shallow Grave and Trainspotting. Today, we get Outcast - a story about... actually, I'm not that sure.

A really annoying paranoid witch and her charisma-free son are on the run from... er, two blokes who kill pigeons. I don't quite know why, but, worse still, I don't care. These pigeon killers (who overact and come out with a script-full of `creepy' lines) may be monsters, as there's one in there somewhere, but you only see it when it's dark.

I mentioned that the witch's son is pretty charm-free, however, this doesn't stop a beautiful local girl to pursue him relentlessly. I can only assume that the way to chat up a Scottish girl is to completely ignore them, barely look at them and follow them at a distance of about ten paces - apparently, according to this film, they love it.

Throw in the typical stuck-up English baddie and a mix of generally unlikeable stereotypes and you don't have an awful lot of fun in this slow-paced `shocker' - if you want werewolves, go for Dog Soldiers every time.

On the plus side, fair play to the director for using some really bleak settings and shots to create a sombre atmosphere. Bleak settings = atmospheric, bleak pace = bad.

I just hope not that many innocent pigeons died to make this film.

2/10 Scuzzier than the leftover goo from a Queen alien's egg sack