Valentine - Never leave power tools next to hot tubs

It’s fair to say that 1997’s ‘Scream’ reinvented the ‘slasher’ genre, breathing new life into something that was pretty formulaic and predictable.  Then, four years later we have ‘Valentine,’ – a slasher movie that feels as if it belongs somewhere in the eighties at best.  Either that or no one on the entire production staff ever watched Scream or knew about its existence.

The beauty of Scream was that it listed all the clichés associated with the horror genre and did its best to subvert them.  Valentine, on the other hand, seems to want to adhere to every cliché and be totally predictable.

At the start of the movie we see a flashback from yesteryear where a geeky looking boy was (slightly!) bullied at a school prom by a gang of girls and then beaten up by some boys.  Skip forward twenty or so years and he’s out for revenge on the girls he perceived as his tormentors.  Here’s the first thing I noticed... I know we’re hardly meant to feel empathy towards the (as yet unknown) killer, but these girls didn’t really do enough to warrant their grisly executions.  Perhaps that’s meant to make us hate him more, I don’t know.  I’d have thought he’d need more of a reason towards his hated.  I know there are some brief explanations regarding how he was sent away to an institution after the ‘attack’ but it’s all pretty glossed over.

So, the film is basically the adult girls being stalked and eliminated one by one.  Naturally, they all hang out with a multitude of unsavoury men, designed to make us wonder which one is really the killer in ‘disguise.’

Another thing you may notice is the heavy marketing towards Denise Richards.  I know nowadays it’s a bit fashionable to hate her, but, back at the end of the nineties, she was pretty hot (commercial) property.  Unfortunately, she’s not really the star.  This is a shame because she’s actually quite fun and is by far the most memorable character on screen.

The death scenes (bar one regarding the hot tub) are nothing special and certainly not imaginative and you’ll probably guess who the killer is simply because you will.  It’s just obvious somehow, despite attempts at misdirection.

You’re really going to have to enjoy slasher films to really like this.  Either that or just want to see Denise Richards in her prime!  Otherwise, stick to Scream, its sequels and any vaguely better slasher flick.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights