Ghost Stories – My worst film of 2018 (so far)

I was really hopeful for ‘Ghost Stories.’ For some reason, it seemed to have a lot of publicity here in the UK for a ‘home grown’ spooky tale, plus it had Martin Freeman in, fresh off the back of his turn in ‘Black Panther.’ It opens well, with a kind of ‘found footage’ approach to it, by interviewing our protagonist (Andy Nyman) as he’s a ‘professional debunker’ who goes around Britain ‘exposing’ supernatural tales for something mundane and ordinary.  However, this style of film-making is quickly dropped in terms of a more ‘conventional’ form of story-telling and that’s a shame because – for once – the ‘found footage’ element appears to be the best bit!

I haven’t really seen our protagonist, Nyman, in much else (or rather noticed him in anything I have seen!) and I got the feeling from the beginning that he just didn’t really have the screen presence to carry a full-length feature film on his own, even one with a low budget and non-mainstream appeal.  He just didn’t look comfortable in the role.  Once the ‘found footage’ segment ends, Nyman receives a message from the paranormal investigator who inspired him.  Now retired, this old Scottish man hands him three case studies that he was never able to disprove during his active work-life.  Therefore, the movie is basically an anthology of three different ghost stories, told by three different characters (Freeman is last, so you’re going to have to wait for him to show up!).

The next problem I had with the story is that all the actors seemed to be putting on (forced) regional accents for their characters.  Plus a couple of the characters looked like they were wearing prosthetic make-up to alter their appearance.  The fake make-up, combined with an over-the-top accent, made the film appear like an episode of ‘Little Britain,’ only without the laughs.

Any tension from the three main stories is taken right out of the equation as, because the stories are being told by the person in them, we – the audience – know full well that they are going to survive their ghostly encounter!  However, perhaps the worst part of it all, was the ‘rise and repeat’ factor regarding the ‘jump scares.’ What happens is that, in every ‘scary’ scene you get about 10-20 seconds of silence while the character creeps through a dark and deserted place, followed by a screeching noise accompanying something on-screen that moves suddenly.  This happens again and again, until you can almost count to thirty and then get what you’re waiting for.

I always try to stay positive when it comes to British (and foreign) films which can’t compete with the Hollywood budgets, but I couldn’t get behind this one as it was just badly acted, predicable and even laughable in some places (for all the wrong reasons).
2/10 Scuzzier than the leftover goo from a Queen alien's egg sack