The Strangeness (1985) - When does it start?

I like to think that I'm no 'cinema snob' when it comes to films.  I love a good 'monster movie' - everything from the (more well respected classics) like 'Alien' and 'Predator' to the more cheesy and lighthearted silliness such as 'Deep Rising.' If the creature is inventive or it's simply paced right, any type of story of that nature can be enjoyable.  Sadly, 'The Strangeness' doesn't quite live up to its potential.

A group of explorers investigates an old gold mine and - guess what - there's something big, slimy and likes to pick off unsuspecting B-list actors in gruesome ways.  The premise is totally passable for a monster-munching movie ('The Descent' anyone?), but it just doesn't do enough.  I confess to watching it on a streaming service and therefore I had to pause it at one stage.  I was amazed to find that just over half an hour had passed and I couldn't think of anything that had actually happened!

And that's kind of how it continues.  Nothing happens.  I only stuck with it simply to see how long it goes on without a single thing of any real interest (or scary!) happening.  It's not a long film (roughly ninety minutes) and I checked the time again when the creature actually shows up (it's one hour and four minutes, if you're interested).

Besides that you have 'highlights' such as one of the longest single conversations I've ever seen in a film where two characters just talk to each other for what seemed like most of the movie.  Apart from the you get to see a few lights bobbing around in the dark for the rest of the story.  I really wouldn't bother with this one.

4/10

Deadly Messages (1985) - Probably better than it ought to be

Now I'm looking this film up online to review I find that it was indeed 'made for TV' back 1985 (I had guessed that within the first few minutes of watching it!).  That's normally a sign that you're not going to be getting much for your money - cheap sets, unknown actors and a lot of suspension of disbelief required to properly enjoy it.  And, yes, it is all those things.  But it's also got its charms!

It's about a young woman who finds an old ouija board and ends up getting the titular 'deadly' messages, which warn her of foreboding and lethal events ahead.

I haven't heard of anyone in the cast (I doubt the main villain from 'Robocop' counts as an 'A-lister'), the script is so-so and do be expecting anything in the way of special effects - there's both no need or budget for that.  And yet I kept watching.  I suppose this is an instance when you can tell the difference between a 'slow burning' story and a boring one.  If this movie was just outright dull then the slow pace wouldn't lead to anything, whereas there was at least a decent attempt at crafting a genuine sense of mystery around the central character.

I actually wanted to know what was going on in her life and her past and I was glad I stuck with it to find out.  You can't really judge 'Deadly Messages' against massive Hollywood productions - it's not in their league.  But in terms of nice, easy-going little supernatural mysteries than you might happen to come across late night on TV, I have sat through much worse!

6/10

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) - It grew on me

I don't know whether it's a sign that Hollywood is truly out of ideas in that they've made a film - effectively - about a couple of throwaway pages from the classic horror novel 'Dracula,' but seeing as it's quite good (eventually) I'll let this one slide.

If you haven't read the book (or seen the pretty damn awesome 1992 film) then you may not know that the blood-sucking Count starts off in Eastern Europe and comes to London to continue his thirst.  He gets there via boat - the Demeter to be precise.  Although the book never really dwells on this voyage, now we see what - apparently - transpired.

What you get is a pretty standard 'monster-munching' movie.  If you didn't know it was part of the novel then you probably wouldn't really be missing much, but for those of us who knew the book, there are some nice touches here and there which keep it in line with 'cannon' so to speak.  The bunch of sailors are gradually picked off by... well, you probably know who.  Then throw in a kid plus a female stowaway who kind of plays the same part as the woman ('Anna') in 'Predator' to give the hapless men on board an insight into what lurks below deck and you have a pretty standard affair.

It was a bit slow to start with, but once the bodies started piling up (and sometimes burning up!) it was actually pretty good.  You don't see too much of the Count/monster throughout most of the film with the movie using the 'less is more' approach to showing off the creature.  The gore is nothing special, but it's a nice claustrophobic atmosphere and the fact it's set in yesteryear adds a nice touch.

If you fancy another movie about a creature ransacking its way through a cast of disposable meat sacks, you can do worse than this - especially as it seems to be available on various streaming services.

/10

The Canterville Ghost (1996) - Does this really exist?

I confess to fast forwarding the credits to this film at the very beginning, so I had no idea who was in it.  I'm a general fan of horror/supernatural tales, so I was happy to give this one a go (simply because I found it in the relevant genre on a streaming service) and I noticed it was by none other than Oscar Wilde. Besides the film of his life starring Stephen Fry, I don't really know an awful lot about him, besides he was an author/poet.  The one thing I definitely didn't know was that he wrote ghost stories!  Therefore I definitely wanted to check this one out.

Surprise number one: Neve Campbell.  Naturally, my love of horror extends to the 'Scream' franchise, yet I've barely seen her in much else.  She's the 'star' here (the quote marks are because - technically - she's the main character, if not the most well-known (at the time of filming).  And she's decent enough.  As I don't know much about the source material, I don't know how faithful this adaptation is.  It's about an American family who move into a haunted mansion in jolly ol' England.  She's the teenage daughter who longs for her home in the U.S. and yet comes to find various reasons to stay.

Surprise number two: When the (main) ghost appears I could have sworn I'd seen him somewhere before.  The long dark hair he sported fooled me for a while until the voice clearly gave him away as none other that Patrick Stewart.  As well as not knowing who was in this film, I also had forgotten which year it was made.  I had a weird feeling that it was so low budget there was no way they could afford Patrick Stewart after he became a household name in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation.' I was wrong.  I'm guessing he was looking to be known for other things apart from captaining a starship and wanted to get his teeth into this.

Overall, it's not a bad - if completely predictable - film.  Like I say, I don't know how faithful the story (and especially the dialogue - which did seem a bit cheesy at times, even when delivered by decent actors like Stewart and Campbell).  Either way, it all feels a bit 'made-for-TV' and I'm not sure how much will stick with me, other than the novelty of seeing the random pair of stars together.

5/10

Scared to Death (1980) - Yeah, it's a movie

First of all, I know it's petty - but the title.  We all know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, so you shouldn't base your opinion on a film's title.  But 'Scared to Death' sounds more like some psychological horror or slasher film.  It's not.  It's a 'monster munching' movie, more akin to a (low budget!) 'Alien' rip-off.

Anyway, there's a monster rampaging round an American city, murdering hapless extras and the police are baffled until a local private detective teams up with the obligatory love interest to save the day.

There's not an awful lot to say about the film.  As I mentioned, it's set on Earth, therefore there are no outstanding science fiction sets to speak of.  The acting and dialogue is passable at best and there's really nothing you haven't seen before if you're a fan of the genre.

I will mention I actually quite liked the creature itself.  It reminded me of something out of the mind of HR Giger (who actually designed the xenomorph from 'Alien'), but it's ruined by budget constrains preventing it from being particularly well animated in its facial movements, making it end up like just a man in a rubber suit from a 70s 'Dr Who.'

If you really want to watch yet another 'monster movie' then there are definitely worse.  It's not offensively bad, but it's not great either, relying on long scenes of victims quietly walking around deserted places before ultimately meeting their doom.  Even fast forwarding them until the kill itself made the film drag.  Just watch 'Alien' or 'Species.'

Oh, and there's a bit which made me laugh and think they ripped off 'The Terminator.' Then I realised this film was made four years before that classic.  So, er, fair play to 'Scared to Death' for beating James Cameron to the punch on that one!

4/10

Seed People (1992) - Discount Bodysnatchers

Have you ever seen that old black and white 'Invasion of the Bodysnatchers' film?  That was a classic.  Or did you watch the seventies remake?  That was cool, too.  Or, perhaps you've seen one of the numerous clones where aliens start replacing humans with identical copies?   Well... if you've only seen one of those, I'm going to hazard a guess that any of them was better than 1992's 'Seed People.'

I've kind of already summed up what little plot there is.  Aliens, in pod form, come to Earth and start replacing the humans in a small backwater American town with emotionless clones.  

The story is kind of told in retrospect as the protagonist is hospitalised right at the beginning and recounting the events of the film to a Government official.  Besides kind of giving away much of the ending right at the start, it kind of breaks the tension when it keeps returning to the 'present' at various times during the story.

There's really not much else to say.  It has a real 'made for TV' feel - if you like this kind of science fiction then watch either the original 'Bodysnatchers' film or the seventies remake.  In fact... even that one with Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig is more worth your time than this.  

I have to confess in actually quite liking the 'monster design,' but then I grew up with seventies and eighties 'Dr Who' so I have a soft spot for silly rubbery monsters that you can practically see the seams in the costume!  Although it's hard to believe that 'special' effects can look this decidedly UNspecial a year after 'Terminator 2' with its genre-changing effects came out.

5/10

Mickey 17 (2025) - Good fun, despite its flaws

I didn't know that much about 'Mickey 17' and only really saw it because the other half has a thing for Robert Pattinson.  I've mainly only seen him in the 'Twilight' franchise, but, every other time he's popped up in something I've watched, I have to admit that he's shed his 'twinkly' former self and is actually quite a good actor.

Anyway, here we find him in a bit of a dystopian future where mankind have the option to board giant spaceships bound for far away planets where they can colonise.  And, because poor ol' Mickey doesn't have much in the way of 'skills' required for such a mission, he signs up to be an 'expendable.' This means he's the one sent on all the most deadly missions and if (or should I say when?) he dies, they simply reprint a copy of him the next day - they can do that, by the way.

Personally, I really enjoyed 'Mickey 17' as it's actually a lot funnier than I thought it would be (at first I thought it might be a horror, or at least a 'Starship Troopers-esque' action sci-fi film.  Robert Pattinson is easily the main draw and elevates the film to be more than it otherwise might as well have been.  His on screen presence carries the 'slower' portions of the story.  Which brings me on to pacing. 'Mickey 17' - like so many modern films - could probably lose about twenty minutes of their overall runtime and be all the better for it.  The movie does drag in a few places, but the major flaw is the film's villains.  Mark Ruffalo and Toni Collette are both good actors, but they're so over-the-top and comic they feel like they belong in a kids' movie.  Plus, I'm not really into politics and would rather my entertainment also didn't remind me of all the worst things in the real world, but even I picked up on the - not particularly subtle - similarities to a certain famous/infamous politician.

But, luckily, I found the film was quirky and fun enough to ignore the flaws and I could occasionally tune out when it dragged a bit.  Overall, a nice little film - probably not a classic, but definitely worth a watch (especially when it comes to streaming if you're unsure as to whether you want to pay full price at the cinema).

8/10