Phantoms - A sci-fi/horror mish-mash

Apparently, Phantoms is based on a book, but, seeing as I haven't read it, I really can't compare it to that. The popular consensus from those that have is that - as usual - the film doesn't compare to the book.

It's about two sisters who come to a small town after their mother died, only to find that the whole town has also died, only in more hideous and disturbing circumstances. Luckily, the youngest Sherriff in America (aka Ben Affleck) is on hand to help them out and steer them through the danger. Add into the mix eccentric British academic, Peter O'Toole and you have a rag-tag bunch ready to combat evil. Yes, the American army does try to help, but it's fair to say that Ben and Peter are better at saving the world than any trained military force.

Somehow I managed to watch Stephen King's (much maligned) `Dreamcatcher' before I saw Phantoms and I found the two were pretty similar - both decent enough sci-fi/horror movies, but both also a bit flawed. Neither seems to know really which direction it's going and throws one new element into the mix after the next.

If you regularly watch sci-fi/horror B-movies, then Phantoms is definitely a cut above those. It's just a pity that it wasn't a bit more focused, otherwise it might have been a classic.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

The Watch - A relaxing breath of fresh air

'The Watch' has been getting a fair few negative reviews. Yeah, sure, it's no cinematic masterpiece, but I don't think it's meant to be. Apparently, if the internet rumours are to be believed, the film's release had to be put back for a while due to a real life incident involving a man from a Neighbourhood Watch committing a murder.  However, this is definitely not trying to imitate real life and anyone drawing comparisons is really stretching.  Yet, for all of this, the real life tragedy led to the film's title being changed from 'Neighbourhood Watch' to just 'The Watch.' But, all of that aside, it's merely a comedy full of amusing conversations. There aren't really that many punchlines which will have your sides splitting, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have a certain charm.

Ben Stiller is the obvious star and he leads a Neighbourhood Watch team that accidentally stumbles across an alien plot to take over the world. Yes, it's as silly as it sounds. Yes, there are plenty of unbelievable moments and yes, there are plenty of plot holes. But, there's also so much right with this film, that I think, if you try, you should be able to gloss over any misgivings you may have for this and enjoy it for what it is.  I know Ben Stiller's star has slightly lost its shine over the years, but I think he's as good as he ever is here.  Normally, part of his act comes with a 'romantic comedy' sub-plot, but there's none of that here.  Vince Vaughn is good and Richard Ayoade is awesome, but I found Jonah Hill a little underused overall.

It's the perfect movie to sit down and relax your brain. Let the silly men entertain you and snigger at their attempts to save the world. Plus, for all you horror fans out there, the aliens themselves are pretty decent budget with a few gory moments thrown in for added bonus.  There's even a few moments of genuine 'character development' thrown in there to add a touch of humanity to a film that involves green goo flying around the sets, covering our actors at every given opportunity.

It's daft, it's smutty, it's silly, but it's also very enjoyable.  And it has the most 'original' way of dealing with aliens since 'Mars Attacks!' I won't spoil it!

Kudos to Richard Ayoade for getting his foot into Hollywood's door. Good luck to him - he shows he can hold his own among Hollywood's comedic A-listers.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Young Adult - Not much of a comedy, but all the better for it 

I have to say I didn't know much about this film before I saw it. Seeing a picture of Charlize Theron on the front cover, dressed kind of kookily, made me think it was going to be a happy-go-lucky comedy. It isn't. It's much darker, almost to the point of looking at metal instability.

Theron plays a writer who, upon receiving an out-of-the-blue email from an ex boyfriend saying he's married with a new baby, she decides that the two of them were actually meant to be together and travels back to her home town to win him back. In interviews promoting this film, Theron said that she wanted to play an `unlikeable character who the audience felt some sympathy for.' A difficult task, but she does come close. She's shallow, knows she's good looking, single-minded and doesn't care who she steps on (namely the wife and child of the man she has decided she wants) to achieve her goals. Therefore she is a pretty unlikeable character. But, yes, she is vulnerable too. You can tell that there's something going on inside her mind that isn't quite right. She may appear to have it all on the outside, but she's losing it on the inside.

I didn't find this film that funny, but I found I couldn't stop watching it. It is very addictive. Theron is excellent, as is the script which is more tragic and poignant than funny.

If you want a feel-good film then this might not be the one for you, but if you want something with a little more meat on it, then give it a go.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Silent Night - (Really) Bad Santa

This film is severely low brow, kind of dumb and we've totally seen everything it has to offer (albeit better). Yet - for some reason - I really enjoyed it.

Think `Scream,' but with a Santa going around bumping off the townsfolk in various (Christmas-related) grisly ways then you're half way there. No, it's not as good as 'Scream' (or even any of its sequels), but, if you're looking for a violent slasher flick to pass the time (and not require too many brain cells for) then this one fits the bill.

You don't really need to know much about the plot.  This time round our killer is a (plastic-masked) Santa Claus impersonator.  Who is he?  You'll have to guess (and no, I didn't guess correct, but then I've never managed to predict who the killer was in a single 'Scream' film).  Why is this Father Christmas on a murderous rampage?  Again, you'll have to find out (and it's quite a wait!).  You can probably fill in the rest yourself. Maybe it also helps to watch it around Christmas time. Seeing Santa roast perfect strangers with a flamethrower makes a pleasant change from those awful, sickly-sweet John Lewis commercials currently infesting the screens.

Some people have complained about the killing of a child in the film, so, if you're squeamish and find that sort of thing unwatchable, you might want to steer clear.  The kills are reasonably well thought out and gruesome, but you may have to suspend your disbelief in some places.  The main one being when the murderous Santa chases a naked woman through a town on Christmas Eve - and NO ONE sees this taking place!  Yes, I know it's set in a small American town, but at least someone must have noticed this!

Jamie King is the female star who plays a traumatised cop tasked with tracking the killer down and solving the mystery.  She's quite good - certainly not your average 'brainless bimbo' you often get in slasher films.  She's aided by older police chief Macolm McDowell, who deliciously overacts all the way through it and speaks almost entirely in 'action movie cliches' (don't complain - he's doing it on purpose - this is kind of tongue-in-cheek, after all!).  So, if you're in the mood for a decent Christmas slasher film, then you can definitely pour yourself a glass (or four) of Baileys, sit down to watch this and deck the halls with burned-up bodies!

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

No One Lives - Short and to the point

I actually quite liked this, even though it didn't have any particularly well-known actors in it, memorable special effects or was even that original.

It borrows elements of various genres, i.e. horror, thriller, home-invasion, stand-off and creates a simple enough story which I won't go into too much detail about, as there are a couple of plot twists/unexpected moment which you might not see coming. Don't think the title is a spoiler in itself - nothing seems to go as planned here.

It is violent. Expect a high body count, filled with some particularly grisly deaths. I can also see some people not liking it due to the characters - they're all pretty unlikeable and you may find it hard to care whether most of them live or die, let alone identify with their plight. But I think that's kind of the idea.

It's supposed to be dark and nasty, so, if you're in the mood for that and can put up with dialogue that sometimes can be a little ropey, then this one will fill an hour and twenty minutes of your time. You'll either think it's complete rubbish, or an undiscovered cult classic.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Bridesmaids - Funny enough for a GUY to enjoy!

It’s amazing that no one has thought of this before.  After countless years of watching groups of men behaving like idiots on the big screen, we finally meet a gaggle of women who will put any stag party to shame.  A lot of people have called ‘Bridesmaids’ the ‘female version of The Hangover’ and there certainly are similarities in the set-up, but they’re both different enough to be enjoyed separately without too much comparison.

There’s a preconception (possibly among men!) that ‘women aren’t funny,’ or at least women aren’t AS funny as men.  I won’t attempt to guess at either of those statements’ validity, but I will say that ‘Bridesmaids’ goes some way to prove that women can be pretty amusing when the setting is right.  The ‘plot’ is pretty simple: a woman is getting married and invites her various friends to the various pre-wedding preparations.  Mayhem follows.

Yes, there is a strong element of ‘rom-com’ in there, but it never overshadows the general humour.  There are six central (female) characters and not all are as ‘fleshed-out’ character-wise as they possibly could be.  However, the film plays to its strengths and gives more screen time to the funnier of those among them.  Tina Fey is undoubtedly the star and proves that she's more than capable of headlining a film.

Basically, you have a light-hearted comedy/romance that should appeal to men and women.  I should point out that the humour is pretty ‘adult’ in nature and anyone easily offended by bad language may be in need of earplugs (and that’s just from the women!).

Of course it’s not for everyone.  I’m guessing its primary audience will be women.  My (male) friend warned me from ever watching this film, telling me how awful it was (I haven’t admitted I’ve seen – and enjoyed – it to him yet).  It may just be a little longer than it could have been.  It weighs in at nearly two hours and I reckon that there could have been about ten minutes trimmed out of the final act, plus a couple of the gags do seem to go on for a little longer than they should.  But those are just a couple of minor gripes - the rest is comedy gold and this will probably go down as a future classic that can be enjoyed by anyone with an adult sense of humour.

Special mention to Melissa McCarthy, who steals every scene (and every puppy).

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth – Dramatic drop in quality

If you’re into serious sickness in your horror and skinless corpses getting down and dirty with each other before hatching murderous plots, then Hellraiser 1 and 2 should do quite nicely for you.  They follow each other and tell the tale of a mysterious puzzle box that, when opened, summons the ‘cenobites’ – a race of demons who want to tear you apart for their own amusement.  The first two films go together nicely and the second expands on the first.  However, with part three we’re introduced to new characters and the series seems to deviate from what’s gone before.

The only thing that links it is ‘Pinhead.’ And, if you don’t know who that is then you obviously haven’t seen any cover art for the franchise.  He’s the ‘lead cenobite’ and basically the only real reason you’re going to want to watch part three.  In fact, Pinhead, despite being the villain, is the most charismatic and interesting aspect of the whole film.  Once you take him out of it there’s really little left that’s any good.

It’s about a female reporter who discovers the existence of the cenobites and the box that calls them and decides to investigate.  However, the whole film is very dated.  Somehow the first two seem to exist in a time and place that’s pretty indeterminate.  I had difficulty telling whether the originals were set in America or the UK.  Here it’s set firmly in nineties America – and it always will be.  Everything screams nineties, with the possible exception of the acting, which in cases like ‘Doc’ could well be taken from the nineteen forties.  I hate to pick on one actor, but the lead female’s cameraman seems to act like he’s reading his lines off a prompt card out of shot.

At least he’s not in it that much.  The lead female is about as generic as you can get and just stumbles from one forced plot device into the next.  Everything about the film screams ‘low budget’ and, despite a few nice moments of gore and practical (bloody!) effects, everything falls on Pinhead’s shoulder to save.

If you’re a fan of the first two, know that the drop in quality is about the only thing dramatic about ‘Part III.’ Most of it is dire, interspersed with good scenes starring the bad guy who you might as well root for seeing as the heroes are so damn bland.  Oh, and watch out for the dumbest cops ever to be caught on camera in the final act.  They deserve everything that’s coming to them.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights