Lord of Illusions (1995) - Hellraiser's long lost cousin

I'm a big fan of Clive Barker's 'Hellraiser' series (and even the not so well respected 'Nightbreed'), so I was only too happy to check out 'Lord of Illusions.' And, pretty much from the off, you can tell it's got Barker's fingerprints all over it.  If it was made today you'd probably be forgiven for thinking that there's some sort of 'Marvel-esque' shared universe of Barker films and 'Lord of Illusions' is happening roughly at the same time as 'Hellraiser.' Sadly, it's not as good.

It's about... er, well, it took me a while to work out exactly what it was about.  And that's one of the drawbacks - its lack of focus.  You think you have a pretty normal set-up, i.e. a private investigator (Scott Bakula) looks into a case which involves, er, stuff.  Yeah, by the time the film got going I kind of forgot how our protagonist got involved.  There's someone practicing 'dark arts' kind of stuff and he's the antagonist.  Or is he?  There's a fake-out and another 'proper' threat that has to be dealt with before the credits roll and the overall feeling of the film is that it's a bit all over the place (a criticism also leveled at 'Nightbreed,' but I wasn't bothered with that!).

In short... I wasn't really enjoying it.  Although the practical make-up effects are good and, if you're into your Clive Barker movies, then you'll be expecting some pretty gory stuff.  This doesn't disappoint.  However, as much as it's all over the place, the final act was actually pretty entertaining.  There's action, tension, good gore and a general feeling of a conclusion.

Because of the ending I couldn't totally feel that I wasted my time with this film.  If only the pace of the ending could have been maintained throughout the whole story this may well be up there with Pinhead's exploits.

6/10

The Strangeness (1985) - When does it start?

I like to think that I'm no 'cinema snob' when it comes to films.  I love a good 'monster movie' - everything from the (more well respected classics) like 'Alien' and 'Predator' to the more cheesy and lighthearted silliness such as 'Deep Rising.' If the creature is inventive or it's simply paced right, any type of story of that nature can be enjoyable.  Sadly, 'The Strangeness' doesn't quite live up to its potential.

A group of explorers investigates an old gold mine and - guess what - there's something big, slimy and likes to pick off unsuspecting B-list actors in gruesome ways.  The premise is totally passable for a monster-munching movie ('The Descent' anyone?), but it just doesn't do enough.  I confess to watching it on a streaming service and therefore I had to pause it at one stage.  I was amazed to find that just over half an hour had passed and I couldn't think of anything that had actually happened!

And that's kind of how it continues.  Nothing happens.  I only stuck with it simply to see how long it goes on without a single thing of any real interest (or scary!) happening.  It's not a long film (roughly ninety minutes) and I checked the time again when the creature actually shows up (it's one hour and four minutes, if you're interested).

Besides that you have 'highlights' such as one of the longest single conversations I've ever seen in a film where two characters just talk to each other for what seemed like most of the movie.  Apart from the you get to see a few lights bobbing around in the dark for the rest of the story.  I really wouldn't bother with this one.

4/10

Deadly Messages (1985) - Probably better than it ought to be

Now I'm looking this film up online to review I find that it was indeed 'made for TV' back 1985 (I had guessed that within the first few minutes of watching it!).  That's normally a sign that you're not going to be getting much for your money - cheap sets, unknown actors and a lot of suspension of disbelief required to properly enjoy it.  And, yes, it is all those things.  But it's also got its charms!

It's about a young woman who finds an old ouija board and ends up getting the titular 'deadly' messages, which warn her of foreboding and lethal events ahead.

I haven't heard of anyone in the cast (I doubt the main villain from 'Robocop' counts as an 'A-lister'), the script is so-so and do be expecting anything in the way of special effects - there's both no need or budget for that.  And yet I kept watching.  I suppose this is an instance when you can tell the difference between a 'slow burning' story and a boring one.  If this movie was just outright dull then the slow pace wouldn't lead to anything, whereas there was at least a decent attempt at crafting a genuine sense of mystery around the central character.

I actually wanted to know what was going on in her life and her past and I was glad I stuck with it to find out.  You can't really judge 'Deadly Messages' against massive Hollywood productions - it's not in their league.  But in terms of nice, easy-going little supernatural mysteries than you might happen to come across late night on TV, I have sat through much worse!

6/10

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) - It grew on me

I don't know whether it's a sign that Hollywood is truly out of ideas in that they've made a film - effectively - about a couple of throwaway pages from the classic horror novel 'Dracula,' but seeing as it's quite good (eventually) I'll let this one slide.

If you haven't read the book (or seen the pretty damn awesome 1992 film) then you may not know that the blood-sucking Count starts off in Eastern Europe and comes to London to continue his thirst.  He gets there via boat - the Demeter to be precise.  Although the book never really dwells on this voyage, now we see what - apparently - transpired.

What you get is a pretty standard 'monster-munching' movie.  If you didn't know it was part of the novel then you probably wouldn't really be missing much, but for those of us who knew the book, there are some nice touches here and there which keep it in line with 'cannon' so to speak.  The bunch of sailors are gradually picked off by... well, you probably know who.  Then throw in a kid plus a female stowaway who kind of plays the same part as the woman ('Anna') in 'Predator' to give the hapless men on board an insight into what lurks below deck and you have a pretty standard affair.

It was a bit slow to start with, but once the bodies started piling up (and sometimes burning up!) it was actually pretty good.  You don't see too much of the Count/monster throughout most of the film with the movie using the 'less is more' approach to showing off the creature.  The gore is nothing special, but it's a nice claustrophobic atmosphere and the fact it's set in yesteryear adds a nice touch.

If you fancy another movie about a creature ransacking its way through a cast of disposable meat sacks, you can do worse than this - especially as it seems to be available on various streaming services.

/10

The Canterville Ghost (1996) - Does this really exist?

I confess to fast forwarding the credits to this film at the very beginning, so I had no idea who was in it.  I'm a general fan of horror/supernatural tales, so I was happy to give this one a go (simply because I found it in the relevant genre on a streaming service) and I noticed it was by none other than Oscar Wilde. Besides the film of his life starring Stephen Fry, I don't really know an awful lot about him, besides he was an author/poet.  The one thing I definitely didn't know was that he wrote ghost stories!  Therefore I definitely wanted to check this one out.

Surprise number one: Neve Campbell.  Naturally, my love of horror extends to the 'Scream' franchise, yet I've barely seen her in much else.  She's the 'star' here (the quote marks are because - technically - she's the main character, if not the most well-known (at the time of filming).  And she's decent enough.  As I don't know much about the source material, I don't know how faithful this adaptation is.  It's about an American family who move into a haunted mansion in jolly ol' England.  She's the teenage daughter who longs for her home in the U.S. and yet comes to find various reasons to stay.

Surprise number two: When the (main) ghost appears I could have sworn I'd seen him somewhere before.  The long dark hair he sported fooled me for a while until the voice clearly gave him away as none other that Patrick Stewart.  As well as not knowing who was in this film, I also had forgotten which year it was made.  I had a weird feeling that it was so low budget there was no way they could afford Patrick Stewart after he became a household name in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation.' I was wrong.  I'm guessing he was looking to be known for other things apart from captaining a starship and wanted to get his teeth into this.

Overall, it's not a bad - if completely predictable - film.  Like I say, I don't know how faithful the story (and especially the dialogue - which did seem a bit cheesy at times, even when delivered by decent actors like Stewart and Campbell).  Either way, it all feels a bit 'made-for-TV' and I'm not sure how much will stick with me, other than the novelty of seeing the random pair of stars together.

5/10