Under the Bed - You certainly won’t be hiding there watching this

Two brothers, the older of which has returned home after setting his house on fire and inadvertently killing his mother, must do battle against a man in a rubber suit who lives under their bed.  Okay, so it’s actually a monster, but, when you see it, you’ll probably think, ‘Oh, there’s a man in a rubber monster suit.’ Yes, that’s the tone of the film.

Naturally, the boys’ parents think they’re crazy and their dad is a complete idiot at all times (whether they’re talking about monsters or asking for a drink of milk, he seems to find it in himself to start shouting and threatening to lock everyone in their rooms forever... or something like that – in short, he’s a douche).  Then you have your clichéd bullies who think he’s crazy and they live next door (do you get the impression this film is lining up plenty of characters who are going to fall foul from the thing under the bed?).  But it’s not all bad news for the older brother... no sooner has he returned to his home town then he’s met the one hot girl who finds surly, reclusive arsonists who ride BMXs really attractive.  So there you have your ‘love interest.’ Yawn.

The film starts off slow.  I’m guessing this is to ‘build tension.’ But it just involves things moving in the house.  Personally, I’ve never found a washing machine’s door shutting by itself that horrific. 
Yeah, there’s a climax and some funky coloured lights here and there.  They even throw in a chainsaw by this time to try and spice things up, but, by now, do you care?  I didn’t.  It’s not terrible, just nothing remotely new enough to warrant me paying it any real attention.

4/10 You can watch this film while you're doing the ironing (you'll still get the general gist of it)