Goodnight Mommy (2022) - Okay, but a bit drawn out

Damn-it, I really wanted to like this film a lot more than a did.  Naomi Watts is a talented actress and can always elevate even the more mundane of films.  She played the titular 'Mommy' - a former actress who lives in a large country house.  Her two sons are dropped off by their estranged dad after an extended parental visit and the boys return, only to find her face wrapped in bandages.

Now, naturally the two lads seem a little uneasy with their mother's appearance, but I don't think anyone would take too much convincing if they're told that an actress has resorted to plastic surgery to rekindle her dying looks and is merely in the 'recovery' phase.  The real problems start when they start to realise that her entire personality has also changed and she may actually not be who she says she is.

It's an interesting premise, but the trouble is with only really three primary members of the cast, you know full well that nothing will really happen to any of them (not until the final act, at least).  Whatever 'secret' may be going on we know that it's hardly going to be revealed in the opening five minutes, so what the film consists of is an overly long and drawn out game of cat and mouse where the children never really get any closer to finding out any answers.

Obviously, the story does eventually conclude and tie up all the loose ends, but what you ultimately have is an idea that would probably have been better suited to some sort of sci-fi anthology TV show (like 'The Outer Limits' - if that's still going!), rather than a full length feature film.  Put simply... there just isn't enough material here to justify the runtime.

However, what's there isn't necessarily all bad.  Watts is excellent - as usual - and the two young actors are both convincing in their roles - a feat many a young star fails in when too much of a movie is placed on their youthful, inexperienced shoulders.  Overall, it's okay, but once you know the set-up you can effectively have most of the movie on in the background and ultimately just wait for the final conclusion where things are revealed.  Not bad, but a bit too drawn out.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Devil Beneath (2023) - Sooo generic

If there was an award for ticking every horror movie cliche box going then 'Devil Beneath' would clean up at the ceremony.  Apparently, it was made in 2023 and yet felt like if it was released in the eighties it would feel old-fashioned and outdated.

Two brothers meet up at their family farm in Australia, only to find themselves falling foul to a local beastie.  Add a van-load of generic teenagers who you won't care about, let alone remember any of their names, then stamp them with the typical 'jock one' and the 'slutty one' and the 'virginal one' and you can easily figure out each one's fate.  There are some bad humans too who you won't care about (guess what happens to them?!) and some locals who have a secret knowledge of what's really happening and you're left wondering who actually green lit this film to begin with.

Not much happens in the first half and by the time the monster shows up (and I use the term 'shows up' loosely) you won't see that much of it because it's shot in a way where you can't really get a good look at it because the budget clearly wasn't high enough for anything more than a so-so computer-generated creature.

In some ways there's absolutely nothing wrong with this film - in horror terms.  It certainly ticks all the boxes, but it's biggest fault is just being so generic that there's equally nothing to remember about any of it or offer anything that any seasoned horror fan hasn't already witnessed a hundred times and done better.  About the only way you'll really think it's amazing is if you've never watched a monster movie before and aren't aware of every plot contrivance that goes with the genre.  Watch it if you like, but I'll wager you won't remember a thing about it in a day's time.

5/10 You can watch this film while you're doing the ironing (you'll still get the general gist of it)

Jungle Cruise (2021) - Saved by the cast (just)

There's a lot NOT to like about 2021's 'Jungle Cruise.' It would be easy to point out how it's a kind of 'cut and paste' rip-off of another of Disney's theme park rides, 'Pirates of the Caribbean,' and then blended with 1999's 'The Mummy.' It would be equally easy to write off the characters like Emily Blunt being little more than a stereotypical 'strong woman' while Jack Whitehall plays her inept younger brother.  However, for all the film's faults, the two aforementioned actors, combined with the lead - Dwayne Johnson - they actually make it watchable.

Like 'The Mummy' it's about a female scientist (and her coward of a brother) acquiring the services of a local man in a dangerous location (now the Amazon) during World War 1 and getting him to escort them to track down a magical item.  Meanwhile, various villains are on their tail - who are generally just 'evil dudes' so don't expect too much nuance from them (even the excellent Jesse Plemons) and Paul Giamatti's contribution is little more than an extended cameo, so don't expect too much from him.

Although it's based on a theme park ride, I found the similarities with 'The Mummy' more apparent, but that's just personal taste.  The characters could come off as annoying (and very nearly do so!), but are saved by the actors reeling in their own performances just in the nick of time.

Perhaps the main 'problem' I had with 'Jungle Cruise' is one that many a modern movie suffers from (in my opinion!) and that's its runtime.  It just goes on too long.  I could forgive the blatant green-screen filming and cheap-looking computer generated effects if they shaved about twenty minutes from the overall length.  It kind of dipped in the middle and the 'effects heavy' action scenes also went on too long.

It won't become a franchise like either the 'Pirates' or the 'Mummy' films, because - sadly - it's just too generic to really attain the same status as either of those.  It's not a terrible movie and, as I say, that's down to the cast.  I'm sure it will keep their die-hard fans entertained and possibly and children who are actually okay with sitting still for longer periods of time.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

The Lie (2018) - Nice idea, but stretched too long

In a cinematic world where many of the biggest films involve - literally - the universe being at stake (or at least 50% of its population potentially wiped from existence) sometimes it's nice to watch a story where the stakes are, not so much minimal, but at least personal.

I hope it's not too much of a spoiler to say that 'The Lie' is about a teenage girl who 'accidentally' kills her best friend.  Distraught, her separated parents decide to cover it up at all costs.

The nice thing about this movie is that it's a concept that most of us should be able to relate to.  We may never hold the fate of the universe in our gloved hand, but we all have family we care about and how far would we go to protect them, even if they'd done something we knew was wrong?

It's this premise that makes the film watchable and should have most people sticking to the end.  Not that I'm saying it's perfect.  The simple story comes with the downside that it's not that easy to stretch it out for over ninety minutes and it's hardly a rollercoaster of excitement and thrills.  Plus the daughter isn't the easiest person to root for.  Perhaps if she was a nicer character you could empathise with the parents as they go to great lengths to protect her, but part of - at least - me half thinks that she's such an unlikable youngster that she should simply just be thrown to the police and left to rot.

However, if you're in the mood for a slow burner with some moral choices which will get you talking, you could do worse than this one.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Killer in Law (2018) - Definitely made for TV

Do you ever watch a film that's actually quite close to being good, but just can't quite stick the landing when it needs to? 'Killer in Law' is no classic.  The plot of a relative who starts out as merely overbearing, but ends up with more sinister motives is nothing new, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily going to be bad.  It depends on the execution.  Here, a grandmother joins her son and his wife and daughter after an extended period, er, 'in an institution' shall we say?  Of course they welcome her at first, but soon things take a darker turn.

And in this outing, some of the actors are actually quite good.  The leading lady is very watchable and can easily handle the role.  Plus the little girl who plays the daughter is decent enough for her age.  Sometimes when youngsters are placed centre stage they're either bad actors or simply annoying.  Here, she's neither.  However, whereas they're good the husband seems to be more like a male model who's trying his hand at acting and the older lady who plays the grandmother uses every ham-fisted overacting technique ever.  Although, perhaps I shouldn't rag on the cast too much.  The script doesn't give them much to work with and the people behind the camera could probably have tweaked the script to higher standards.

During the opening there's so much exposition they might as well have just done one long 'text crawl;' in fact people almost SPEAK in exposition to tell the audience the general set-up for what's to come.  The strange thing about the script is that most of it actually works.  It's like every ten lines of dialogue a child was allowed to add one line before handing writing duties back to the grown-ups.  This gives the dialogue a really uneven feel to it.

When it comes to the story, there's nothing you won't really see coming.  Anyone not a major member of the cast is effectively there for a 'bodycount' (which isn't very high - and don't expect any major gore or ingenious kills or make-up effects).  What you have here is a very bog-standard affair that would have felt outdated back in the eighties.

5/10 You can watch this film while you're doing the ironing (you'll still get the general gist of it)

The Haunting of Julia Fields (2023) - 99% set-up

Apparently, the film with the most 'on the nose' title ever - 'The Haunting of Julia Fields' - was 'based on a true story.' If that means a girl rents a house, then I guess it's correct.  But I'm guessing the film-makers wanted to imply that the supernatural elements which befall her are the part which is supposed to be real.  I guess if you make it until the end you'll realise which parts were supposed to be 'real' and which weren't.  Um, that's pretty much a summary of the movie.  A girl - Julia Fields, would you believe! - moved into a rented house in Florida where she's slowly stalked by more and more supernatural events and entities.

And when I say 'slowly' I mean slow.  The film isn't long (not that much over an hour), but it does tend to drag.  I wanted to like this one more than I probably did, but there just isn't that much that happens.  Unless I blinked and missed the part where the story explains why a young girl (who looks more like she should be in college) can rent her own home and never seems to have to work, the central character does little more than wander round the house in her pyjamas and then hears a noise.

I know some people will say that this is all done to build tension, but there comes a time when the audience is just crying out for something to actually happen.  It doesn't help that Julia Fields lives on her own, therefore she doesn't really have many times where she can interact with any other character - until she encounters one creepy person after the next.  

However, saying all that, I did make it until the end.  It wasn't just because the film was so short that it was easy, but I actually quite liked the lead actress' performance and she certainly did her best with what little she was given.  Plus I wanted to see whether there was going to be some sort of major twist/payoff in the final moments.  I won't spoil the ending, but I will go as far as to say that, although this is an easy watch and has a few moments of creepiness, there isn't that much that a seasoned horror fan won't have seen before, meaning you can take or leave it really.

5/10 You can watch this film while you're doing the ironing (you'll still get the general gist of it)

Freelance (2023) - Nearly... something

There's always an argument between those who lived through the eighties and nineties as to which decade spawned the best 'action' movies.  There were definitely cases for either period, as there were musclemen, huge explosions, islands full of expendable bad guys and crazy locations for terrorists to try and take over form and make their demands.  The the millennium came and the action genre seemed to try more for 'serious' and 'realistic' and those over-the-top blast-a-thons looked like they'd had their day.

'Freelance' definitely feels like it should be more at home in either the eighties or the nineties, but whether it's any good I can't really say.

John Cena certainly has the classic 'action hero' physique and plays the leading role as well as any wrestler who has turned to acting, as he's stranded on one of those nondescript South American countries that always need a dictator or two overthrown and he has to protect the real president and a reporter.

Now, if you're expecting wall to wall action and explosions, you may feel a little disappointed, as the action seems a little subdued for a film that looks like it firmly belongs in the 'action' genre.  There are a couple of nice gunfights, but nothing that really stands out or will make you go 'Wow!' and let it stick with you.

The secondary characters are pretty nondescript.  The bad guy is, er, bad.  And the woman Cena is trying to protect is, er, a damsel in distress.  It hits all the major beats of an old school action movie without actually trying to add anything new to the genre.  If it had have been released back in the eighties, I really do think it would have first become lost among the Stallone and Schwarzenegger output, before being cursed to the bottom of a 'straight to video' barrel and forgotten about.  I can't really think of anything overly negative to say, but then I can't really think of anything that I'm going to really remember about it.  I hear John Cena has plenty of fans out there, so I guess this film will always have a dedicated audience to enjoy it - and enjoyable it is, whether you watch it properly, or just have it on in the background, you'll roughly get the same experience.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights