Task - I love a good mystery 

Yes, a good mystery keeps your mind going while you're watching a film. However, the main mystery about The Task is why a cast, made up of 99% British actors, were putting on American accents for the entire movie?

The Task is about a reality TV show where the producers kidnap (yes, kidnap) six contestants (all supposedly American, but frequently use the term "torch" instead of "flashlight" and shout "Bl**dy hell!" when there's danger). Anyway, the producers (of which there are four of them - apparently you only need four people to stage a TV show - Big Brother must waste loads of money on runners and editors etc) lock these six English-American teenagers in an abandoned prison and tell them they'll get paid if they stay the night.

Well, you probably already know it's a horror film, so, guess what, they start getting picked off one by one. However, anyone hoping that this happens soon will be sorely disappointed. This film is the very definition of slooooow. The first hour and four minutes is made up of the six teens wandering round darkened corridors completing (completely non-lethal) tasks.

I guess the main trouble is that this is too much like real reality TV. By this I mean they've picked central characters who I really would like to see get murdered painfully (a viewpoint I also take when I accidentally tune into X-Factor, American Idol and that one in the jungle where people stop doing pantomime in order to eat bugs in front of Ant and Dec). I couldn't wait for the main characters to die - at least it meant they could stop pretending to be from the deep south of Arizona (as opposed to West Kensington).

It also says a lot about the movie when the person you recognise the most is `Jack' from the eighties sit-com `Bread' (now, Nellie Boswell - she was truly scary - The Task just isn't). 

3/10 Jabba the Hutt wipes himself down with this film