Transformers: Dark of the Moon - I just don't care any more

Growing up in the eighties, I used to watch the Transformers in their earlier cartoon incarnation and long for a proper big-screen film to do them justice. Three films in and I'm still waiting.  Number Three starts off well - the linking with real twentieth century history is a nice touch, but then the usual set of two dimensional `heroes' take over and any promise turns to cliché.

The humans are either macho soldiers who only live (and die) to serve the U.S. of A. The scientists are all only there for comic effect. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley looks great, but does little to add to the story (plus has an interesting ability to simply stand still in the middle of a warzone in order to safely survive it). Shia LaBeouf does what he always does, i.e. kill more Decepticons that the entire Autobot army put together. Seriously, the guy is completely indestructible and has the superpower of being able to shout several miles across a trashed city to his friends. I don't know why he doesn't just take on the big bad robots all on his own and give Optimus and co a holiday.

I reckon a cut should be made of this film where it completely takes out all human characters as the robots are far more interesting. Optimus and Sentinal Prime are the stars. Even the other robots are bland and you can't tell one from the other (apart from the two small really annoying ones who must come from the same planet as Jar Jar Binks).  For the first time there's actually a couple of scenes which involve banter between Megatron and his second in command, Starscream.  Anyone familiar with their previous incarnations will be aware of the rivalry between the two.  Here we see some glimpses of it, but it's just a pity that neither character actually looks like who they're supposed to be!  We also have 'Shockwave' - another classic Decepticon who, again, is totally wasted in terms of actually being a character in his own right and is simply made into a big, bag robot who occasionally shows up and chases the good guys around.

Enjoy the robots. Ignore the humans (and the plot and the over the top special effects and the numerous plot holes and the 2D acting and the clichéd characters and the fact that it's only designed to sell toys). I could go on. I hated every human moment of this film. I'd rather just watch Optimus Prime do some sort of monologue for two and a bit hours.  Michael Bay is - technically - a good director, it's just a pity that all his films look the same and are so heavy on special effects and trying to look cool that they all forget what they're supposed to be about, i.e. giant robots, not some kid's parents.

4/10 avoid like the 'rage' virus in 28 Days Later