Office Uprising (2018) - Didn't know what it wanted to be

About twenty years ago a small independent comedy called 'Office Space' was released.  You may not have heard of it, but - trust me - it was smart, funny, well-acted and even touching with its characters going through actual 'arcs.' But, more than that, it really summed up something that many of us have experienced in life - working in a big, soulless office.

Then, a couple of years later, 'Shaun of the Dead' came along and brought the 'comedy-zombie' genre to new heights. 'Office Uprising' is basically someone taking the two films and smashing them together - not the worst premise for a horror/comedy B-movie, but sadly the writing talent isn't strong enough to make this one even come close to what it seemed to be based on. 

Most of the characters are just cliches.  Some of the more sympathetic protagonists are okay, but anyone who you're meant to hate - you'll hate.  They're just too damn nasty to be believable as real colleagues you have to spend your life 9-5 with every day.  I've worked in similar big offices and, despite coming across some real nasty pieces of work, most hostility was done behind people's backs, not coming directly up to someone and being absolutely racist to their face!  It was just too on the nose.

The it came to the zombies.  And, my question was, are they actually the undead?  I know '28 Days Later' went to great lengths to point out that the monsters were 'infected' rather than reanimated corpses, but here they're everything from zombies to normal people.  The problem was that, sometimes they're those 'sprinting' type zombies ('Dawn of the Dead' 2004 and '28 Days Later'), sometimes they're slow and shuffling like the Romero style of 'The Walking Dead.' Other times you can actually talk to them and reason with them, making them more akin to 'The Crazies' in Romero's other - lesser-known - horror classic.  The trouble with this is that the monsters effectively take on whatever characteristics they need to in a scene, simply just to allow the heroes the chance to survive (again).  Sometimes you can even scream in the zombies' collective faces which - apparently - freaks them out and forces them to perform a retreat!

There's some gore in there, but not that much.  The end seems to have more of a budget what with the giant mech suit, but when that comes into play the film - again - switches genre to more of an over-the-top action film.  So we've come from real-life office satire, to comedy zombie film and now action blastathon.

This film really does suffer from an identity crisis.  Some of it's parts aren't actually and it's definitely not terrible, but if you're looking for an office-based comedy with zombies, I'd probably watch 'Office Space' and 'Shaun of the Dead' back to back.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back

Gatlopp (2022) - Just felt like it was missing something

Sometimes you come across a film that you just can't place.  After watching 'Gatlopp' I honestly don't really know whether I liked it or not.  I managed to make it until the end (quite a lot of what I find on streaming services get turned off half way through!) so at least it held my attention for an hour and a half.

It's about four friends getting together to generally chat about old times, when one of them suggests they play a mysterious board game.  Naturally, there's more to it than your average game of Monopoly and soon supernatural shenanigans start to take over the night.

Each of the four characters has to work through their individual 'demons' in order to 'win' their part of the game.  It's supposed to be a 'comedy,' but I couldn't really find an awful lot of laughs contained within - it was more a supernatural character-based drama, but at least the four leads all had their time to take centre stage.  At first they seemed like the types who would never really be long-term friends, but, as the film progressed, they actually developed more chemistry and you could probably see them hanging out back in the day.

It's got enough nice touches in it to make it worth your while if you find it part of your own streaming package, but it's not the sort of film you'd probably feel is worth paying full price for a cinema ticket.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back

Get Duked! (2019) aka 'Boyz in the Wood' - Could have been much better

I've seen plenty of cheesy, low-budget horror B-movies where a group of teenagers get lost in some form of wilderness and then stalked by... insert movie monster/bad-guy of your choice.  Most are pretty good fun for what they are, so when I saw the plot for 'Get Duked!' going along the lines of 'four boys are taken to the Scottish Highlands, only to be chased down by a hunter' I figured I'd give it a go, especially as it was billed a (at least part) 'comedy' and featured Eddie Izzard.  How bad can it be?

Okay, it's not awful.  I stuck with it until the end.  There's not much more to the story than the brief synopsis I've already written; the problem - I guess with me - is that I simply didn't find it that funny.

One of my favourite TV shows of all time is the British sitcom 'The Inbetweeners' which is effectively the lives of four teenage boys.  I know 'The Inbetweeners' didn't have the horror angle, but one of its many strengths was the chemistry and witty dialogue between the leads. 'Get Duked!' just didn't have this.  Maybe it's just me and the humour wasn't to my taste, but I basically didn't laugh once.

Okay, I did actually laugh once - it was towards the very end of the film where a joke that was set up much earlier in the film literally falls out of the sky to come full circle on itself.  But that was about it in terms of me and laughs.  There was a sub-plot with the local police officers which was possibly funnier than the main story surrounding the four boys, but that was naturally just a background element.

Eddie Izzard isn't in it much and doesn't really get the screen time he could probably use to bring some much more surreal and genuine humour to the proceedings.  Like I say, it's not awful.  Some people will probably like it and there's definitely worse out there.  The plot kind of reminded me of another British horror film called 'Inbred,' only that one leant into the 'gore factor' and, although it did have black comedy involved, seemed to know what it was more than this one did.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back

Black Friday (2021) - Not perfect, but different enough to be enjoyable

As soon as I saw Bruce 'Evil Dead' Campbell in the trailer I was sold.  I saw what looked like zombies next and knew I had to watch this.  Okay, so the overall premise of the film is hardly anything new.  In 1979 the undead took over their first shopping mall in 'Dawn of the Dead' and here they basically do the same, only it's one large store (that might as well have been a mall).  The survivors then have to hold up until they can figure out a plan to escape.

Bruce's name wasn't high up on the opening cast list, so I had a - horrible - feeling that he wouldn't be in it that much.  Luckily, I was wrong, as he was in it pretty much all the way through.  If you're thinking that it's going to play out like Evil Dead's 'Ash Williams' fighting the zombies then you may be let down, as Campbell doesn't play to his 'Ash-like' strengths.

Talking of strengths, you have the gore.  It's pretty nice, and not too much computer-generated stuff is required, as is the banter between colleagues which makes them pretty likeable.  Or unlikeable, but then you're supposed to hate some of them and hope for a gruesome death for them.

Although there are some clunky lines - even for Bruce Campbell and I got the feeling a better writer could have utilised his natural on-screen charm and given him sharper dialogue.  And some of the actors deliver their lines a little bit stiltedly.

Now, this is all starting to sound as maybe there are more negatives the positives.  But I'm pleased to say that there were plenty of instances in the story were the writers successfully subvert your expectations and something that you think is 'obviously going to happen' goes completely in the opposite direction.  You also have some nice social commentary which will relate with anyone who has worked (or should I say suffered?) in retail - like myself.

There are some moments that really did make me laugh out loud and, although this may not be remembered quite so fondly as other black comedy classics of the genre (ala 'Shaun of the Dead' and the like) don't dismiss it totally as I really enjoyed it and would definitely watch it again - but only in a few years when I've forgotten most of it.

Oh, and was it just me, but did anyone else find 'Dower Dennis' the funniest 'character' of the cast?  I now want a 'Dower Dennis' for Christmas,

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Clownado (2019) - A pie in the face is funnier

I knew I was in trouble from the beginning.  I know it's not really cool to rag on an actress for their looks, but in the opening scene a lady keeps being referred to using terms like 'femme fatale' as if she's the most attractive actress ever.  And, er, sorry I don't mean to be cruel, but she's not.  And it just felt weird that every guy seems to be fighting for her hand, so to speak.

But, my own biases aside, I think it's pretty fair to say that the acting is horrible.  The lead villain is the worst and he's clearly overacting and chewing on every piece of scenery available and he's actually quite hard to watch.  Maybe he saw other horror icons like Freddy Kruger who were 'larger than life' and tried to copy their style - only failing.

Then there are the sets.  If you could even call them that.  The camera tends to zoom in so close on an actor merely to disguise that the set is literally only a few metres wide.  This is really evident when the story requires a large open place to be, like a circus big top.  The camera tends to only focus on audience members' faces to disguise how few extras they could afford.

And if you're hoping for gore - there isn't much.  Any blood looks weirdly lighter than it should be and quite watery.  Someone else online wondered whether the film-makers used 'jam' and I have to say it did look like jam mixed with water.

I know 'Sharknado' was a dumb film about sharks getting caught up in a tornado and it was actually good fun if you were in the mood for a 'so-bad-its-good' type of movie, but this one is just bad, so don't be tempted by the title and find something better.  It's not hard.

3/10 Jabba the Hutt wipes himself down with this film

Slashlorette Party (2020) - Not much happens

Congratulations to the film-makers for taking the name of a horror genre and turning it into a pun.  Sadly, that's about the high-point of the creativity.

Now, baring in mind that the term 'slasher' is basically in the title, you're probably expecting a lot of killing.  There is some, but - wow - do they make you wait for it.  There's a large cast, but no one actually dies until quite a way into the movie.  Secondly, you may be thinking that a film marketing itself on gory murder you may also think they the producers would have taken their time coming up with some totally outlandish and intricate kills.  They don't.  Sorry if this is a 'spoiler,' but people get stabbed - mainly in the head, but occasionally in the stomach.

As I mentioned the cast is quite large for a slasher film.  Most of them are in no way developed and only get one or two real moments centre stage (and probably one of those is them receiving an axe to the forehead), but there are a couple who stand out - like the best friend who is probably the most likable of all of them.

I stuck with the film until the end, but largely because I wanted to know the hows and whys of why all of this had been happening.  There is an explanation, but I have to say I was left a bit confused.  Then I felt silly because the movie is hardly clever, so maybe I lost a couple of IQ points while I watched it.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back

Deathstalker II (1987) - So bad it's absolutely awesome!

First of all, let me say that I'm a big fan of 'so-bad-they're-good' movies - especially ones from the eighties, so when I praise 'Deathstalker II' I'm not saying that it's a film up there with 'The Godfather' and 'Empire Strikes Back' - no, compared to them it doesn't even qualify, but in terms of bad movies, this one could well be 'The Godfather!'

I kind of knew I was going to enjoy it right from the start - the badly-choreographed fight scenes, the over-the-top noise overlaid whenever a 'punch' was delivered to a bad-guy in a cheap-looking costume.  However, as the story progressed, I actually decided that it had more merit than I'd first given it credit for.  It's actually quite a clever little film.

Online, I see that it's described as a 'parody' of the 'sword and sorcery' genre, spoofing films like 'Conan' (of which they even make a cheeky reference to).  But I wouldn't call it a 'parody.' It's more like a tongue-in-cheek fantasy epic.  Yes, it knows what it is and NEVER takes itself seriously.  And, because of that, it's even more enjoyable than a film that tries to be good, but fails miserably and is just there to get laughed at.

The dialogue is actually well-written and witty.  Yes, some of the actors will never win Oscars and the lines are pretty cheesy, but they're intentionally funny, so if you're in the mood for a swashbuckling laugh then this one will fit the bill.  It has old-style bar fights which wouldn't look out of place in an old Western movie (minus the pig monster eating at a table) and even has a few nicely-framed shots - especially in the horseback chase scenes.  The lead antagonists seem to delight in chewing up the scenery and are deliciously camp, in comparison to our protagonists who are charming with their silliness - even often pausing to make fun of the titular character's over-the-top name 'Deathstalker.'

If you know what you're getting and are in the right kind of mood for a 'Conan-comedy' then give this one a go.  I just can't believe it's taken me so long to watch it - now I just need to track down 'part 1' - hopefully it's as entertaining.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that