Death Club (2023) - Just don't bother

Oh, dear, this is pure 'content' for content's sake. A streaming service needed yet another forgettable horror film to fill the category and this one got spewed into the mix.

It's so not worth anyone's time there's not that much to say about it.  Five of the most annoying twenty-somethings decide to break into a - now long since closed - nightclub one evening to 'party.' The club was haunted - they'll not have the night they were expecting.

There you go - I've summed it up so you won't have to waste your time watching it.  You won't have to see five of the most annoying characters ever committed to film be totally unlikable and you won't have to see when things start to go bad for them.  

Some films are 'slow burners.' It was because of this I managed to stick to the end.  I wish I hadn't.  There's no pay-off.  The whole film is cheap and pointless.  

The only thing I will say is that if you decide to watch it, probably best to start it around the half hour mark.  You'll have missed nothing and will be able to pick up what's happening immediately.

Oh, it does have one 'plus point' - it's quite short.  But even though it is only just over an hour, it's still an hour of your life you won't get back.

2/10

Cocaine Bear (2023) - I wanted to like this more

I told someone I'd just watched 'Cocaine Bear' and they asked me what it was like.  I kind of pulled a face and said, 'It's okay.' I could leave it there, but I'll do my best to explain my reasons.

I love cheesy, low-brow entertainment and the title of this film should give me everything I want (i.e. it's right up there with 'Snakes on a Plane).  The premise of a wild bear, accidentally ingesting an entire block of illegal substances and then going on a murderous rampage is a recipe for sheer stupid dumb popcorn fun.  And it is... sort of.

It never seems to want to commit to its (natural?) stupidity.  There are far too many characters all pursuing their own goals and not enough bear on smack.  I get it - the budget wasn't that big and computer generating a realistic-looking animal is hard to make believable at the best of times, let along when you're trying to make it look like it's indulging in certain human vices.  So the bear probably isn't in it as much as most people would like it to be.

That's a drawback, but if the humans were funnier then that would be something.  But the writers seem to feel the need to try and weave in deeply dramatic moments with meaningful character arcs.  All well and good in more of a serious film, but here they just aren't necessary.

I've got so many black comedy horror films in my DVD collection that, if I was in the mood for something in this genre I'd put one of them on rather than watch 'Cocaine Bear' again.  But if I was on a plane and there was nothing else to watch, this definitely isn't so bad that it's impossible to sit through again - and take enjoyment in the enjoyably daft scenes.

6/10

The Russian Bride (2018) - Difficult to pigeonhole

I found 'The Russian Bride' on a streaming service among the 'horror' category and, seeing as I'm a fan of the genre, I eventually got round to watching it.  I guess the hardest part of reviewing it is trying to describe whether it is a 'true' horror or not.

A reclusive billionaire imports a Russian woman (and her daughter) to marry and then live with him in his mansion in America.  The setting definitely works with the 'horror genre' as it's a creepy mansion in the middle of nowhere, pretty much cut off from the rest of the world - and it's filled with weird and unsettling trinkets and members of staff.  So you know something bad is going to happen - and it does.

However, to go too deeply into the 'horror' element will be giving away spoilers and, although this film is hardly a classic, there was enough here to keep me interested in finding out where it was going.

It's a slow burn, but I found it worth the wait for the more 'explosive' final act and definitely thought it's better than a lot of films I've found on streaming services.  It won't be everyone's cup of tea, but I'd actually probably have enjoyed it less if I knew where it was going and the fact that I didn't know what the film's 'gimmick' was that kept me invested.

6/10

Heart Eyes (2025) - A love story (with some severed bodyparts)

'Heart Eyes' is a romantic comedy.  Fact.  It's effectively a film that follows that tried and tested formula where 'boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back again.' And it's released in mid February to capitalise on the Valentine's audience.  So, nothing new to see here, right?

Wrong.

There's a maniac serial killer on the loose who really couldn't have got enough hugs as a toddler from his mummy, as he really doesn't like seeing couples in love (through his - kind of cool - red, heart-shaped night vision eye-goggles!).  He's been moving from city to city, causing people to be too scared to go out and celebrate Valentine's Day.  Now he's in Seattle.

Which is where we meet our 'will they/won't they' couple.  And they quickly find they're due one hell of a Valentine's Date to remember when they find themselves his latest target and have to flee across the city.

So, it's really your standard 'slasher' affair?  Yes.  Well, no.  Or at least not really.  It's a rom-com which plays out for just long enough for you to lower your guard.  Because every time you do, the killer pops up.  Props to the writer as the between the two main leads is sharp and they play off each other will (an obvious positive for a couple supposed to be falling for each other).  Plus the plot has enough red herrings, so it does fit in that 'Scream' mould where you're asking yourself who's behind the mask?

I've seen so many slasher films that most blend into one.  And yet I'm sure I haven't seen one which worked a love story into a blood bath.  For that, I give it major props and it was great fun to watch.  Ending dragged just a little, but the overall experience wasn't let down by that.

7/10

Mechanic: Resurrection (2016) - Statham does the job

Some people say that the golden age of action movies was the eighties with Schwarzenegger and Stallone, but then came the nineties with the less bodybuilders and more explosions and special effects. 'Mechanic: Resurrection' sits somewhere between them.  In fact... it sits in a lot of middle ground.

Over the years Jason Statham has proved himself quite a competent leading man when it comes to crunching bad guys' heads together in stylish action scenes.  Some of his action films have become some of my favourites, while other are - even for a fan like myself - a bit 'meh.'

This time round the Stath has to kill three hard-to-reach murderers, or the big boss will execute Stath love interest (this time Jessica Alba).  The film does the job... just.  In the scale of Jason Statham action films this one sits dead centre.  There's nothing particularly wrong with it - there are beautiful locations, nice set pieces and the fight scenes are choreographed well.  Plus there's not too much greenscreen or computer-generated special effects (but a few backgrounds in - presumably - the 'pick-up' shots do stand out.

Naturally, there are plenty of disposable baddies to shoot along the way and you'll have to suspend your disbelief when he takes out hordes of faceless goons, especially when Statham uses a rubber dingy to hide behind (and it saves him from heavy machine gun fire).

Basically, if you like Jason Statham and his slightly over-the-top modern action movies then this one should be up for a watch especially if you find it on streaming services.

6/10

Fright Night Part 2 (1980) - Less of the same

Despite my love of all things 80s horror-related, I never really 'got' the original 'Fright Night.' I know it's regarded as a classic of the genre and has a massive fan-base, so who am I to say whether it's good or not.  However, despite multiple viewings, at best I'd describe it as 'okay.' So my hopes weren't really high when it came to the sequel.

And, if I had to sum it up I'd say 'stuff happens.'

It's kind of more of the same, but seemingly less so.  The original protagonist (Charlie) has grown up (slightly) and - unsurprisingly - no one believes him that he and a famous TV presenter once killed a load of suburban vampires.  Naturally, things take a turn for the worst and shake up his 'post vampire' life when the sister of the original bloodsucker decides to come after him for some revenge.

The trouble is I never found either entry scary enough to be considered 'horror' and definitely not 'funny' enough to be comedies.  Yes, they're certainly campy, but this one seems to take even longer to get going.  I was basically very bored, although the last fifteen minutes (i.e. final confrontation) was pretty fun and definitely had some creative gore/practical effects to entertain.  It just all seemed too little too late.  I guess if you really enjoyed the original (and I know plenty of people did!) you'll probably appreciate this one, as the most important cast members reprise their roles.  Still didn't work for me though.

4/10

Companion (2025) - Really good fun

I don't know whether it's just that I've been starved of good movies lately at the cinema, but I really enjoyed 'Companion.' Yeah, I know some people have said it's kind of like an extended episode of 'Black Mirror' and that it's 'message' is a bit blatant - and they could be right.  But it's still great in a pure entertaining kind of way.

Although the exact year is never revealed, it's fair to say that it's set in the near future where artificially intelligent robots and self-driving cars are commonplace.  I never saw the trailer before I watched this and I saw a couple of YouTube reviews critisising the trailer for giving away too much of what was to come.  I'm glad I never saw any of these trailers as I enjoyed not actually knowing the exact details of what was coming.  But I can basically say that the plot centres around the 'dangers' of artificial intelligence and humanity's relying on it for company - with deadly results.

Everyone plays their parts well.  I didn't know any of the actors in the leads, but they all seemed to be having fun and embracing their roles.  I guess some people might say there aren't too many characters you'll feel like rooting for, but the sheer fun/entertainment value of the film allowed me to overlook any minor flaws.  I'm sure there are probably a few plot elements you could pick apart if you wanted to be really critical, but - I say again - don't think too hard, just enjoy it for what it is.

If you don't feel like paying full price for a cinema ticket to watch it, definitely try and track it down when it comes to whatever streaming service you have - it's a black comedy/horror with some social commentary that is worth at least an hour and a half of your time.  Don't dwell on it's 'social commentary' too much, just enjoy the lively script and grisly fun as it shows us a worrying future that may not be too far away.

8/10

City of the Living Dead (1980) - Don't be fooled

As a die-hard zombie fan I'm well aware of how the '...of the living dead' part of the original film's title was no longer allowed to be used, hence the franchise kind of branched off in two different directions.  Either way, I also knew 'City of the Living Dead' was not cannon in whichever series of undead ghouls.

However, I figured that at least it would have some sort of redeeming story which - loosely - acted like it was - maybe - in the same universe as one of the other films.  Heck, I'd settle for a coherent story!

I've checked other reviews and it appears that it really is a cult classic and has many fans who love it.  I guess I just didn't 'get' it.  I found it boring and a right mess with no real story to speak of.  I gathered it was something to do with stopping the dead from rising on Halloween, or something.

If you're expecting hordes of zombies terrorising humans, you'll be disappointed.  The walkers do show up from time to time, but it's in ones and twos - no crowds.  If it had one good point it was the gore.  There are some pretty gruesome practical effects which deserve praise for their horrific realism.

But that wasn't enough for me.  I just found it boring.  Personally, I'll stick to Romero's movies (and the 'spin off' living dead series.  Oh, and was it just me or does 'City of the Living Dead' borrow some of the music from George A Romero's films?

5/10

Nosferatu (2024) - Guess it wasn't for me

There are many film reviewers on YouTube and I doubt anyone bothers to watch them all when deciding whether to go to the cinema and watch the latest movie.  Me - I have two or three 'trusted' reviewers who, over the years, I've come to find their tastes in movies align with my own pretty faithfully.  In short - I trust their opinions.  And all three gave 'Nosferatu' glowing reviews.  This, coupled with my general love of horror films, made me buy my popcorn and take my seat.

Now, you'll have to forgive me for not know too much about how this vampire story came to be, but I believe that it was a deliberate attempt to 'retell' the story of 'Dracula' but the film-makers (in the original and to this day) weren't allowed to use the character names and settings etc.

I really enjoyed 1992's 'Bram Stoker's Dracula' and, to put it bluntly, I just felt like I'd rather watch that.  I never realised that 'Nosferatu' stuck so closely to the plot of 'Dracula.' Ultimately, what you have here is a beat for beat 'remake' (with a different ending).  Therefore, nothing really took me by surprise as I knew where it was going 90% of the time.

To be fair, it's filmed well and the sets and general atmosphere are nicely creepy.  Plus the actor who plays... oh, whatever they call Dracula in this film, does a great job, so there are definitely plus points.

I just found the whole concept of this film redundant as it felt like a poor copy/remake of the 1992 classic.  I didn't hate it, but if I'd know this was all it was going to be I'd rather have just put on my DVD of 'Dracula' and saved myself the petrol.

5/10

Terror Train (1980) - Nothing new here

I know 'slasher' films were - relatively - new back in 1980 and yet 'Terror Train' seems so outdated, it's like it's copied every cliche from the genre it possibly could.

It's one of those 'who's the killer' type movies where the murderer is masked at all times to keep both the characters and audience guessing.  This time the killing spree is taking place on - you guessed it - a train with a load of drunken partying teens.

Perhaps the worst - or most annoying - thing the story does is have the killer just walk up to the soon-to-be victim and say nothing, therefore the victim just assumes the killer is just a friend in a mask and talks to them for longer than any normal person would before ultimately meeting their doom.  It's a frustrating watch.  I know we all yell at the screen from time to time in order to shout instructions to the idiots in the movie, but here everyone is just so dumb it's actually hard to watch.

There's no real gore here and you won't care about any of the characters (the lead girl annoyed me from her constant screaming!) and by the time the killer is revealed, you've probably already checked out.

If you like early eighties slasher films, the worst 'Friday 13th' entry is better than this.  Otherwise any of the 'Scream' franchise is head and shoulders over this train wreck.

4/10

Spawn of the Slithis (1978) - Could have been worse

Seen 'Jaws?' Probably.  Either way, it kind of started a (mini!) genre of where one person knows there's a monster/threat on the loose, but the authorities clash with him because they're more concerned with the monetary cost of shutting down whatever it is.  Or the authorities are just incompetent. 

Well, 'Spawn of the Slithis' follows that formula.  A journalist teams up with a fisherman to stop a mutated sea monster-thing from ripping apart the locals of Venice Beach in California.

And it's not bad.  It's not great, but it's not the worse.  The thing I enjoyed the most was the creature itself.  Yes, it was effectively just a man in a rubber suit, but it was nicely ugly!

There's some gore here and there, but nothing particularly spectacular.  The one drawback I found was when 'new' characters suddenly get introduced at sporadic parts of the movie.  They don't stick around.  They're only on screen to be victims, but the writers feels the need for us to get to know them before they end up being 'monster munch.'

If you fancy yet another film about a monster, there are worse out there.  And plenty of better ones.  It's up to you.

5/10

Puppet Master - 80s horror - at it's best (or worst?)

As a fan of 80s horror movies (and horror movies in general!) I've watched 'Puppet Master' a fair few times over the years - and yet I don't own a copy.  That probably should tell you something.  I've just watched it again and, yeah, it's okay, I guess.

I know it has quite a cult following and a lot of fans and I will admit it certainly has its charms, i.e. the puppets themselves.  It's about a group of psychics who spend the weekend in a creepy hotel to try and discover yet more powers - and end up being targeted by a group of possessed toys.

There are no real actors to speak of and the actors get most of the screen time, which is a bit of a let-down.  They do the so-so script just about enough justice, but you'll be crying out for a glimpse of those nasty, murderous little wooden killers.

I suppose the film's lack of budget meant the 'killers' can't be shown as much as most people would like them to, but the movie does pick up a lot of pace when they're actually shown.

It's a decent enough little horror film.  If your view of it isn't clouded by nostalgia and coming to the franchise (yes, there are more after this one) cold then you'll probably have to be quite forgiving when it comes to the films you watch.  If you can accept it for what it is then you'll probably find something to enjoy.

6/10