247*F - Cheap and not particularly cheerful

They always say that the best stories are the most simple. 'Alien' was famously pitched (and then green-lit) as simply 'Jaws in Space.' So, bearing that in mind, '247F' should be an absolute classic.  Hopefully it's not too much of a 'spoiler' to say that it's not.

However, it is certainly simple.  Four teenagers go to a cabin in the woods and, for once, don't get attacked by any form of supernatural entity.  Sadly, that doesn't mean their trip isn't without tragic incident.  For, instead of being chased by various chainsaw-wielding nut-jobs, they get locked in a sauna.  Now, some may say that that's probably a lot less traumatic than being stalked by inter-dimensional demons wearing ice hockey masks.  Apparently, though, it's just as deadly.

If you can get past the fact that the only wooden door (entrance/exit) to the sauna is seemingly protected by a class 9 forcefield, making it completely impervious to any form of physical attack, then you'll go on a journey with the teens as they try to figure out a way of escaping their ever-heating 'prison.'

The cast is... er, there.  Apparently, some of them have done other TV work, but I'm afraid I haven't seen any of them before.  They do their best with what they have to work with.  They're teens in effectively a 'slasher' flick without a slasher.  You know that some are 'expendable' and I guess you can have some fun trying to work out who's not going to make it out of there.  One girl has a backstory, summed up in a three minute montage sort of scene at the beginning of the film.

Anyway, this film is cheap and not that memorable.  It's not bad, but it's certainly hardly one that I'd recommend.  If it's on and you're bored then give it a go.  If you don't then you're hardly missing much.

6/10 May just keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights