Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Not an improvement

Having grown up in the eighties, playing with 'Transformers' toys, reading the 'Transformers' comic and watching the weekly 'Transformers' cartoons, it was fair to say that I was delighted when they were brought to the big screen in 2007.  However, what I got was an hour and a half of a teen romantic comedy/drama, followed by a couple of brief scenes with robots who were CALLED names that I recognised then a battle which looked like a load of splinted metal crashing against each other.

Surely they wouldn't do the same again?  Oh, wait - they did, only much, much worse.  This is the second time I've watched 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' and it hasn't got much better with age.  It's a long film (2.5 hours) and dare I say 90% of it is dedicated to the humans.  I know I harp back to the eighties cartoon which did also include humans.  However, they weren't often the stars of the show (and if they were for a SINGLE episode, I tended to skip it).  Here, I'd quite happily skip every single scene with only humans in it (and therefore reduce the film's runtime to about half an hour).

The film follows on from the first, i.e. the good robots (Autobots) are now settled on Earth and are working with the humans to pick off any remaining evil robots (Decepticons).  To me, that premise never really worked.  Decepticons are huge, nearly indestructible machines of death.  An entire army of humans wouldn't really stand a chance against even a single Decepticon.  And they don't.  It's the Autobots that do all the fighting, meaning what's the point of humans even trying to help in the first place?

Anyway, what you get is about two hours of annoying humans and badly-forced attempts at humour.  The Transformers are never really used, other in the action scenes which are so badly-shot that it's impossible to tell who's fighting who.  You may just about figure out who Optimus Prime and Bumbebee are, but that's only because of their colours.  However, every other Autobot and Decepticon looks exactly the same, i.e. a bunch of silver metal thrown together.  If you know the characters from other mediums, like the TV show or comic, you'll know all robots have very distinctive looks and personality.  In this film, all is thrown away in favour of generic robots who you never really get to know (and example of this is the Autobot 'Sideswipe' who's always been a red car.  A RED car.  Here's he's silver and on wheels in robot form.  Just... why?

The robots themselves are the stars, however they never really get to shine in the way that they should.  Peter Cullen returns (fortunately!) as the voice of Optimus Prime, but even he's not in it for as long as the LEADER and most recognisable face of the franchise should be.  I won't spoil it as to why he's not in it, as the film-makers have spoiled the film enough.

I know pretty much every 'Transformers' film has made a tonne of money and this one was no exception.  Kids probably love it, but I always feel that films/stories/characters that have been around for a long time with established (and now older) fans need to be handled with a little more care.  I'm all for bringing the Transformers to a new generation, but surely it wouldn't be that hard to come up with a way of doing so that appeals to fans, old and new.

I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on the film.  The youngsters of today clearly lap it all up.  I guess I'm no longer the demographic for these 'robots in disguise.' And I haven't even touched on the way the director, Michael Bay, lingers on Megan Fox's body at every given opportunity and the borderline racial stereotypes applied to some of the robots (when they're allowed on screen!).

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back