The Great Wall – Its middle name is ‘action’

I’m writing a review of ‘The Great Wall’ a day after I’ve watched it.  I fear that if I leave it much longer I probably won’t remember much about it.  Apart from the action.  There’s a lot of action.  I’ll probably be mentioning action quite a lot over the following paragraphs.  Sorry.

I’m guessing ‘The Great Wall’ is hardly what you’d call ‘historically accurate’ as – apparently – that big ol’ wall in ancient China was actually built to keep out the monsters.  Which monsters?  Well, a whole army of green scaly computer-generated ones which charge obediently into human fire.

And, these mean old beasties are doing pretty well for themselves, despite the fact that a beautifully-dressed army of Chinese warriors have pledged their lives to defending the wall and the nation it protects.  Luckily for all us two-legged types, Matt Damon (and another bloke) arrive one day to sort this mess out.

The whole film is ‘by the numbers.’ And, before you think I’m totally slating it for being so generic, wait – because it’s actually quite fun.  Yes, its plot is wafer-thin and if you ever seen any film ever then you’ll know every plot point that comes, i.e. one of the Chinese warriors is a beautiful woman who is ripe to fall for Damon’s western charm.  There’s the protective father figure who… okay, just on the off-chance you can’t guess what happens to him, I won’t spoil it for you.

I mentioned the uniforms the human wear because I was particularly impressed with them.  I doubt this film would ever receive an Oscar is a million years, but I reckon whoever designed the costumes should at least get a nod here and there.  However, what the film has in costumes it lacks in computer effects.  Yes, it’s clearly got a budget and that’s gone on creating vast backdrops and waves upon waves of mindless baddies.  However, it’s pretty obvious and, unless you’re not that bothered about iffy effects, you’ll definitely know when the actors are in front (and probably fighting) in front of a green-screen.

Basically, if you’re looking for a film that has loads of battles where armies of humans fight hordes of monsters then you’ll get that right here.  Just don’t expect anything in the way of originality of deep and meaningful story-telling here.  Action and costumes all the way.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that