Remains - Better let sleeping dead lie

There are a lot of negative reviews about 'Remains' and, to be honest, I couldn't see why. I'm not going to say that it's a `must see classic.' It's definitely not. It's effectively another zombie film among a seemingly endless stream of similar undead movies.

If you've seen a zombie film before (and with the amount that's about today, you probably have), you'll expect plenty of biting, plenty of headshots and plenty of boarding up buildings. 'Remains' has all that. And not all that much more. Perhaps that's its problem. It's a decent enough film, but offers absolutely nothing you haven't seen a hundred times before in the genre.

'Remains' is most similar to the 2004 'Dawn of the Dead' remake in terms of style and content. A bunch of people barricade themselves in a casino during an undead outbreak (in Las Vegas, I think?). There, they contemplate whether to sit it out, or make a break for it. 'Remains' seems to flit between black comedy and a straight horror film. It never stays in one genre for too long. Perhaps the most amusing thing that 'Remains' brings to the story is that zombies actually fall asleep! I've seen a lot of different undead characteristics before, but I've never seen witnessed a ghoul taking a 'power nap' while standing up!

The cast is pretty generic.  I always think a mark of an average film is the fact that you can't remember the names of any of the characters by the time the credits are rolling.  I can't recall a single name.  There's the 'generic hero guy' and the 'generic douch guy' and so on.  The only recognisable face was a guy I saw in 'Fringe' and I've even forgotten his name - that's how generally famous the actor is.  Plus the 'special' effects are anything but special.  I know the gore and zombie make-up are decent enough, it's when other effects are needed, i.e. cars speeding up and crashing.  In those cases the effects are actually quite laughable.  I don't know whether the 'cheap' look was deliberate for 'comic value' or whether the budget really was that low.

If 'Remains' was released ten or twenty years ago, it would probably have been hailed as `ground-breaking' and a `classic.' However, it's major fault is that it brings nothing new to the genre. If you desperately feel like sitting through yet another zombie movie then you might want to give this a go. But, remember, it's nothing you haven't seen before.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Chaos - An enjoyable action-crime caper

There are some films that are basically the same story you've seen a hundred times, but are done in a way that just elevates them above the mediocre. Chaos is one of them. You can hate it for Jason Statham's (dubious) attempt at an American accent, or you can just ignore it and go along for the ride.

Jason Statham and Ryan Phillippe play a couple of cops on the trail of Wesley Snipes, after he and a gang rob a bank. Or do they? There are many questions raised by the `heist' and, although some have likened it to `Inside Man' (another film about a bank heist) Chaos may start out predictable, but there are enough twists and turns along the way to keep it interesting.

It'll never be a classic. It doesn't have the `star power' to really make people take much notice of it. And, like I said, it's not a classic, but, if you're looking for some cops and robbers action with a few decent twists, you could probably do worse (like try and do an American accent when you're from London - seriously, they could have just made it so that Statham was a British guy who just so happened to work in the U.S.).

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Young Guns - So perfectly over the top

Young Guns is one of my ‘guilty pleasure’ films. I don’t know whether it’s because I saw it as a young boy in the eighties and still have some nostalgia for it, or whether it’s genuinely a good film. Either way... I love it.

It tells the (loose!) story of Billy the Kid, Doc Hollywood and co as they evade both the good guys and the bad guys as they go on their rampage of revenge when a corrupt land baron kills their mentor. Is it factually accurate? Who cares! It's just such good fun!

Maybe it’s the loud, overblown rock music (which is probably a little out of place when dealing with a ‘wild west’ film) that makes everything so cool, or perhaps it’s the overused slow motion technique whenever an important gun fight takes place. Then of course you have Emilio Estevez at the height of his eighties fame, playing a completely manic (yet strangely endearing) anti-hero who shoots first and bares his bottom later.

I’m guessing that this is a guy’s film; it has action, chases, rock music and slow motion. What more could a guy what when he has a beer in one hand and a sofa to sit it? Possibly a horse and a six-shooter, but the TV’s remote control will have to suffice.

9/10 almost as perfect as The Godfather

Basket Case - A `so bad it's good' film

Basket Case is awful. Fact. However, it's also brilliantly awful! Yes, the acting is pretty bad, the special effects really aren't that special and there are so many times where you have to suspend your disbelief, you'll basically be sitting there for ninety minutes with your jaw on the floor. But, it's sooooo much fun (if you like this kind of thing).

It's about a mild-mannered young man who carries a mysterious basket around New York with him. The basket contains his miniature deformed psychotic Siamese twin, who had been forcibly separated from him at birth. Now he, and his squashed accomplice, hunt down the doctors who separated them.

To properly enjoy Basket Case you need to be a fan of bad movies. If you know what I'm on about, give Basket Case a try. If you don't, you'll probably hate it. These sorts of `so bad they're good' films are normally made in the seventies or eighties and normally horror. They normally have stupid characters and over-the-top gore. Basket Case ticks all these boxes.

To enjoy Basket Case, remove your brain (and place it somewhere safe - you don't want a stupid film like this permanently lowering your I.Q.), slouch on a sofa, put a kind of `glazed' expression on your face, sit back and revel in the beautiful daftness of it all (and if you really like it, then watch Basket Case 2 and 3).

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Warm Bodies - Breathing new life into this `corpse' of a genre

I don't want to mention Twilight, but, let's face it, it was `vampires for teens,' just like Beautiful Creatures was `witches for teens.' The `teen market' is very profitable when it comes to film-making. Therefore, what with the trend in zombie movies in the last decade or so, it was only a matter of time before someone made a `zombies for teens' movie.

Amazingly, it's actually pretty good.

It starts in a decimated world where the undead outnumber the living (nothing new there then, eh?). Only one - former teenage boy - zombie is starting to have `feelings.' These remembered emotions lead him to make contact with the last few human survivors and strike up a friendship with a living girl.

It plays out like Romeo and Juliet (check out the unsubtle nod to the Shakespearean play in the `balcony scene') where the boys `zombie family' don't take too kindly to a living human among them (that they can't eat) and the girl's human settlement doesn't relish the possibility of a brain-eating flesh-eater wandering among them.

If you can move yourself out of the typical `dumb' zombie world we're used to from George Romero and The Walking Dead etc and step into one where zombies can now talk, reason and even love, then you should give this one a go. It's not just for teens - zombie/horror fans like myself are treated to a healthy dose of gore and skeletons ripping people apart. There's a small helping of humour in it too and, on a personal level, I actually preferred the film when it was being an out and out comedy, but there's not too many laughs, so don't expect them coming thick and fast.

In a market saturated by one rubbish zombie movie after the next, fair play to Warm Bodies for trying - and succeeding - in bringing something a little different to the genre.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Tyrannosaur - Great film... if you're in the mood for it 

Some films thrill you, some will scare you and some will make you laugh. You choose which one depending on how you want to feel. 'Tyrannosaur' is a fantastic movie, but you have to be in the mood for it. It's not a 'feel-good' type of film. It's gritty, nasty, dark, but ultimately uplifting (in a sad sort of way).

The main character, Joseph, is introduced to us as he kicks his beloved pet dog to death, smashes a Post Office window and gets into a fight with some youths in a pub. And he's our `hero' - he's the guy we're expected to root for. If you don't like the sound of him already, you're probably not going to enjoy his tale. He's not the most sympathetic of characters. However, there is some redemption in his future when he's chased into a Charity Shop run by Olivia Coleman.  Granted, she's best known for her comedic roles, such as `Sophie' in 'Peep Show,' but this kind of heavy drama and extreme black comedy proves that she is quite versatile as she gives a truly outstanding performance and is a real heart of the film.

Some people have criticised it as `yet more British miserablism.' That's a fair comment. It is pretty miserable. That's why if you're looking for something cheery, it's not for you. However, if you're willing to see just how depressing some people's lives are, you'll be glad you did - I'm guessing not many people are as trapped in such a downward, self-destructive spiral as the two central characters. If nothing else, you'll be glad you're not them.  However, because their lives are so terrible, you will want to root for them and hope that they can sort themselves out and become better people.

Oh, and don't get your hopes up about seeing giant dinosaurs - it's a metaphor - 'Jurassic Park,' although one of its most famous scenes is mentioned, it really isn't.

9/10 almost as perfect as The Godfather

National Lampoon's Vacation - Still the best

'National Lampoon's Vacation' runs for about an hour and a half.  And, in my opinion, take any five minute segment from the film and there's possibly more laughs contained within compared to any modern 'comedy' movie from mainstream Hollywood.  It's that good.  Also - and possibly better still - it's aged perfectly and is as good today as it ever was.

Like many films in the eighties, we're thrown right into the action (compared to today's movies where it seems film-makers want to spend most of the movie 'getting to know' the characters, rather than moving the story forward).  We meet married father of two 'Clark Griswold' (Chevy Chase) preparing to drive his family across country from Chicago to California on a pilgrimage to a fictional theme park 'Wally World' (basically Disney World for all intents and purposes).  What follows is a road movie where the family get into one scrape after the next.

There's nothing too inspired for the plot.  However, it's simply so funny that whatever it lacks in 'story depth' it makes up for great fun and the desire to see this bunch of characters succeed in their - supposedly easy - quest.

All the other characters play their parts (special mention to Randy Quaid and John Candy, who are - naturally - as great as ever), but 'National Lampoon's Vacation' is Chevy Chase's show and he steals every scene there is with his madcap (but strangely lovable) antics.  The 'sandwich-dance' scene is still priceless!

For some reason 'National Lampoon's Vacation' never made it from my VHS collection to my DVD collection and I've only just seen it in many years.  I couldn't believe how 'timeless' it is.  If you're okay with some of the eighties haircuts, everything in the film could be shot today (okay, so the kids play portable tabletop video games rather than with an iphone, but apart from that...).  And that's what makes the film so great - it's held up after all those years and still a total comedy gem that everyone who wants a laugh should see.

That's my review, but if you did want a contrary opinion, my mum didn't like the film because she found Chevy Chase 'too annoying.' So I guess it's not for everyone after all.

9/10 almost as perfect as The Godfather