Head Count (2018) - Slow, but holds your attention

How many horror films' blubs begins... 'A group of teenagers...' Well, in this case your average group of American teenagers meet up in a holiday home in the middle of the desert, only to invoke a supernatural curse and start falling foul to its evil ways.

The characters are at least likable, even if you probably won't remember their names by the time the credits roll and it's believable that they're all a group of friends.  Plus they don't make completely dumb decisions all the time like so many of their ilk in this genre.  Therefore, at least you feel something for their plight when the bad stuff goes down - but you will have to wait for said 'bad stuff.'

It's a slow burn all right.  Most of the film is taken up with character building and the occasional 'creep out' scare (of which they are nicely done and I did appreciate the subtlety when they arrive and take you off guard.

It's not a long film and when the final act comes around you get a bit of special effects in term of the monster itself.  I couldn't work out whether I thought it was good, or goofy.  I guess it depends on your taste as to whether you'll actually find the antagonist scary or not.

'Head Count' hardly gives us anything we haven't seen before, but if you can find it on a streaming service as part of a package and you're in the mood for a creepy little slow-burner of a horror film, then you might enjoy this one.  These days I normally judge a film by how tempted I am to check my phone during its runtime and I have to say that this one kept my attention without me checking Instagram twenty times in ninety minutes.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

In the Spider's Web (2007) - Lance saves it (again)

Take a pretty run-of-the-mill film, add Lance Henriksen in - at least - a prominent role and it instantly elevates it to at least 'watchable' status.  In case you hadn't guessed by the title, 'In the Spider's Web' is about a team of, er, I don't know what they were doing, but it doesn't matter, let's say they're scientists, or something.  Anyway, a diverse team of spider-fodder are mooching around a north Indian jungle when one of them gets bitten by a spider.  They take her to a nearby village where they soon discover that the creepy-crawlies aren't the only thing they have to worry about.

There are a few establishing shot here and there to denote that at least the production went to a real life jungle to get some of the footage.  Otherwise, they seem to save a lot of money by putting a few plant pots around a sound stage and let the audience do their best to believe that the actors are really deep in a jungle.  Apart from that, the special effects aren't that bad.  The spiders are - for the most part - real (with the possible exception of the arachnid 'crowd scenes') and the worst effects in the film were when a couple of characters fell down a long drop and you could almost see the green screen behind them.

If you're already not a fan of spiders (who is?) then you'll find some of the scenes quite creepy and did I mention Lance Henriksen is in it?  Sometimes he's good and sometimes he's bad.  In this film he has long nails on one hand and a brother who walks around wearing a sack on his head making him look like a cross between the elephant man and an 'engineer' from the 'Alien/Prometheus' franchise.  I'll let you guess if Henriksen's motives are pure here - either way, he steals every scene.

It's hardly a classic, but it's a decent enough little watch if you're in the mood for some sort of cheesy B-movie and/or you're a fan of Lance Henriksen which crosses 'Arachnophobia' with 'Temple of Doom.'

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Ice Spiders (2007) - I just couldn't hate it

I don't think it's too much of a 'spoiler' to say that this film has (giant!) spider in it.  And it's set in an icy location.  That explains the title.  And it also cements is as a certified 'B-movie,' but I'm fine with that.  I don't mind cheesy films with bad acting and special effects if they keep me entertained for an hour and a half.

No, this film does not have a huge budget, but lately some of the biggest Hollywood blockbusters have been released with terrible computer special effects and have been rightly pulled up on it.  Yeah, the spiders here look a bit CGI-ish, but I thought they were pretty good - at least no worse than you average 2023 superhero film set in another dimension with an army of aliens soldiers fighting a war.

'Ice Spiders' is set in a ski resort which seems to have a military base right next door which also doubles as a facility for splicing the genes of spiders with, er, bigger spiders I guess - do you care?  Either way, the giant eight-legged freaks get loose and a lot of teenagers get more than just a mouthful of snow and a bad landing when they take to the slopes.  The whole 'breeding' giant spiders part of the plot could probably have been left out.  You could have just had it that a load of big spiders arrived and the film would have played out just the same.

You probably won't have heard of any of the cast.  I knew Patrick Muldoon (the lead), simply because he was famous (in my circles!) for getting his brains sucked out in 'Starship Troopers.' I didn't know anyone else, but I hear a couple more were in 'Melrose Place' together. 

So the script may be littered with a few more than clunky lines, the effects - well, you can probably tell the arachnids were added in post production and it's as daft as it is long - and it's not a very long film.  Yet, for all its flaws I stuck with it.  I enjoyed the cheese and the daftness of it all.  It might have been played reasonably straight, but it seemed to revel in all its B-movie glory and for that I definitely don't think I wasted an hour and a half on this one.  Seek it out on a streaming service and watch it for free.

Where else would you get to see a giant, mutant spider stabbed to death by the antlers on a stuffed dear's head?

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

From a Whisper to a Scream (1987) - Better than I expected

I'd recently watched 'The Monster Club' - an early eighties horror anthology which was pretty tongue-in-cheek and held together by segments starring genre legend, Vincent Price. 'From a Whisper to a Scream' (or 'The Offspring' if you're in the USA) is also a horror anthology, held together by Price, only it's much better.

It wasn't that I objected to anything in 'The Monster Club,' it was just that it wasn't scary.  At least the four stories here are all quite disturbing (and fourth one even having a scene which was a little hard to watch).  Then, stories one through three all seem to end with some deliberately ironic twist which does bring a wry smile to the audience.  The Fourth film was definitely the weakest of the four - it could probably have been cut all together, but at least there was a fair bit of gore in it I guess.

The good thing about having four stories is that if you don't like the one you're watching then, if you're a general fan of horror flicks, then you'll probably enjoy one of the other ones (my favourite was the first one and I barely recognised Clu Gallagher in the lead role).  Pity Vincent Price was so underused here.  He wasn't in 'The Monster Club' much either, but at least his scenes were the best bits.  Still will give you a few chills here and there with the general quirkiness and originality of the situations our four unfortunately protagonists find themselves in.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Death Race 2000 (1975) - Absolutely mental (and I love it)

I haven't seen 'Death Race 2000' since I was little (in the early 80s) - yes, my parents were quite liberal in what they let me watch!  All I remember was enjoyable gore and that 'Rocky' was in it.  However, now I've seen it again as an adult, I can appreciate it as so much more.

I do like a nice 'so bad it's good' type film and I'm halfway inclined to describe it as such.  But the fact that the world was so damn well fleshed-out in terms of 'world building' that it's actually a damn fine film in its own right.

So, as you sit down to watch it, suspend your disbelief and prepare to be taken into a world where a lethal road race is held from one side of America to the other, where the five drivers get 'points' for killing innocent bystanders (and/or anyone else they decide to murder along the way).

Take the best 'Fast and the Furious' film, make it with practical, grounded effects, set it in the world of 'The Running Man' and add the social commentary of 'Robocop' and you end up with 'Death Race 2000.'

David Carradine is the lead driver and he's up against a young Sylvester Stallone.  Carradine may have a lot of titles under his belt, so his performance is pitch perfect as the anti-hero.  Stallone was a little more inexperienced back in these days, but he's gloriously over-the-top as the main rival.

It's one of those films that has to be seen to be believed.  It's a nice tight eighty minutes in run-time and it's totally crazy from beginning to the end - and very simple in its enjoyment all the way.  Oh, and the Jason Statham remake isn't bad either (but totally different in many ways).

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

The Call (2020) - Nice cast, but too bloated

I really wanted to like 'The Call' a lot more than I did when I found it had horror stalwarts Lin Shaye and Tobin Bell on the cast list.  However, it just felt too long for its own good and nothing much happened.

It's set in 1987.  Why?  No idea, besides some 'period' costumes early on in the film, there's no real reason why this couldn't be set in present day.  Early on, every 80s cliche seems to be rolled out, from 'Adam Ant' style costumes to playing Pacman at the arcade.  Then it all takes a back seat as the four main teenage characters (most of which look a lot older than the story would have us believe!) leave the cheapest looking set which passes for a carnival and go visit an old couple of 'play pranks' on them.

Unfortunately, this leads to a death and a spooky encounter a few days later.  I'm trying to be as vague as I can for fear of spoilers, but you don't get as much Lin Shaye as would have elevated the film more.  Tobin Bell does his best to be creepy - and he is - but his scenes are the first to just drag on before the 'meat' of the story gets going.

Then we're treated to four similar tales of horror - one per character - which are all preluded by very long drawn out scenes and basically  much re-treads of each other and then it basically ends.  I understand the reason why the film is called 'The Call,' but I'm sure they could have come up with a better - less generic - title.  It's almost an hour before the 'horror' of this film gets going and, when it does,' it's not an awful lot that you haven't seen before.

All in all, 'The Call' is okay, but not half as good as making a tighter-scripted film which utilised the considerable talents of Shaye and Bell.  It's got some nice, stylish touches here and there - like the edits nearer the beginning of the movie - but apart from that and the two elder statesmen of horror, it hasn't got as much going for it as it could have.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back

The Monster Club (1981) - Three mini 'Hammer' films

'The Monster Club' is actually an anthology of three - roughly - half hour monster-related stories set in Britain.  Even for 1981, this film is the definition of 'low budget' and the - almost blatant - Halloween-esque masks the background monsters wear would practically make the film unwatchable if it wasn't for the fact that it really doesn't take itself seriously and is effectively tongue in cheek.

Horror legend Vincent Price threads the tales together as a vampire who invites a horror writer to the titular 'Monster Club' to give him some extra ideas for upcoming novels.  These are probably the best bits really and I'd probably rather see more of this than the shorter stories he tells.  After the film had ended, I tried to work out what order I'd put the three stories in and see which one was the strongest and which the weakest.  However, they're all a bit 'so-so' in my opinion.  Yeah, they're okay, but not really scary enough to be frightening, without the budget to be gory and not funny enough to really be an outright comedy.

It's all rather camp and 'Hammer Horror' film-like.  If you like cheesy low-budget melodrama then you'll definitely get something out of this film.  I used to watch Hammer films as a kid and probably only really kids would ever find any of these tales particularly threatening.

Give it a go if you're a fan of the genre.  I did find it entertaining, if not really brilliant.  But at least it did have my hometown on the map shown in the third story.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights