Cabin Fever (2016) – Just… why?

‘Cabin Fever’ was released back in 2002.  And again in 2016.  However, about the only thing about the 2016 version is that it forces us to ask that most existential question: how can something be exactly the same yet completely different?  The 2002 film has gone down as a cult classic.  And for good reason – it’s awesome!  Okay, if you’re into cheesy horror films with teens dying in various gruesome ways then it’s awesome.  It takes the – oh so familiar – premise of a group of annoyingly beautiful teenagers going on vacation to a remote cabin in the woods and then meeting a sticky end.  Nothing new there, but it’s just the way it’s done.  It knows it’s not original and often plays on the clichés you’d normally find with the genre, plus it throws in some truly random and surreal moments just to keep the audience on their toes.

And not they’ve gone and remade it.  And a remake it literally is.  They’ve used the same script as the original, sticking to the same running order of scenes and same dialogue (or at least 90% of each).  Therefore, it just feels weird watching a film you know really well, only with new actors speaking all the lines.  Just pick your favourite film then imagine watching it with new actors reading the same words just slightly differently.  It would probably be a bit disorientating and off-putting and you’d probably just end up thinking, why am I watching this?  Well, that’s how this remake comes across.

It’s not even like the actors are that good.  They all look as uncomfortable as we – the audience – probably feel watching them.  They have no chemistry and come across like they’re all starring in a different film to each other.  Plus the gore looks cheaper than the original – seriously, there’s an animal in the opening scene that looks like a blood-soaked children’s puppet you’d see on kids’ TV.  I loved the original and regularly watch it.  This version brings nothing new to the genre.  If you’re a horror film, just watch the original.  This one is possibly the most pointless remake ever (with the possible exception of that ‘Psycho’ remake in the late nineties).

2/10 Scuzzier than the leftover goo from a Queen alien's egg sack