Alien: Covenant - Frankenstein’s monster of an ‘Alien’ film

I’m guessing that most people who sit down to watch ‘Alien: Covenant’ will have some idea about what they’re in for, but, in case you need the most meagre of plot synopsises, it’s basically a monster hunting humans in space (or, if you believe the original pitch for the first ‘Alien’ movie back in 1979 it could – also – be described as ‘Jaws in space’).  So, if you’re a casual fan of the franchise then you’ll probably get what you want out of this.  There are monsters.  The monsters kill humans.  End of.  However, I (like so many) are anything but ‘casual’ fans of the franchise!

The reason ‘Alien: Covenant’ is such a big deal stems back to 1986 (or some may say 1979), due to the phenomenal success of ‘Aliens.’ Now, don’t get me wrong, the original ‘Alien’ in 1979 was awesome – so awesome in fact that it was in doubt whether it could ever be bettered.  And, some still say that it can’t.  It’s sequel (1986’s imaginatively-titled ‘Aliens’) gave us the same and more.  Apart from ‘Terminator/Terminator 2,’ people claim ‘Alien/Aliens’ to be one of few examples of where a sequel surpasses the original.  Therefore, there were high hopes for the third instalment, 1992’s ‘Alien 3.’ And that’s where things started to go wrong.  I was an absolute disaster with fans all over the world wondering how a good sequel couldn’t somehow be made of the first two films’ backs.  And, that’s the question we’ve been asking ever since.  We’ve had all sorts of ‘Alien’ movies since – mainly spin-offs and crossovers – and none have really come close to attaining the high praise of the first two.

So, now we come to ‘Alien: Covenant.’ It’s clear that the film-makers know that the ‘Alien franchise’ is still hot property, has armies of loyal fans out there and it far from unprofitable.  I can almost see them all sitting round in meeting rooms trying to work out why every alien-related film post ‘Aliens’ has failed so dramatically and therefore what they need to do to make a worthy successor.  I’m just guessing, but it seems they sat through the first two movies taking carful note of what fans liked and they splicing it together to form a script for ‘Alien: Covenant.’

It’s like they said – audiences like the ‘one alien’ suspense – so we’ll put that in.  But, at the same time, people liked marines fighting aliens with big guns.  That goes in, too.  People loved Sigourney Weaver’s original heroine Ripley – so we need a tough female lead with short hair.  Everyone loved it when Ripley got in a giant robot suit and kicked the alien out of a spaceship – let’s throw that in there as well.  But ‘Covenant’ also has to be a sequel to a prequel (‘Prometheus’) – what did people like about that?  Not much really.  However, Michael Fassbender was highly-praised for his creepy android portrayal of David.  So let’s bring him back for a prominent role.  And so on.

Sadly, there's just nothing that memorable about this film.  I reckon you'll be hard put to it to remember any character (possibly besides David) once the credits have rolled.  They're just all bland with no real personality.  Even the 'star' (who I can't remember either the actress' nor the character's name) who is this film's 'Ripley' (right down to the tank-top she wears, the haircut and the way she holds the gun in the final act) is totally forgettable.

If you take ‘Alien, Aliens’ and add a dash of ‘Prometheus’ then you end up with ‘Alien: Covenant.’ A spaceship full of colonists traces a signal to a new planet and lands, only to get picked off by the xenomorph and its friends.  It’s not a bad film, but, once again, it doesn’t do the first two films justice.  Because it seems to try and throw in so much into one film – it tries to be ‘Alien, Aliens,’ a sequel to ‘Prometheus,’ a bridge back to ‘Alien’ and something that will hopefully reinvigorate the franchise, it does come across as a bit of a mess.  Yeah, there are good bits here and there – director Ridley Scott again proves that he hasn’t lost his flair when it comes to visual storytelling, but my personal favourite was – like ‘Prometheus’ – the android David again.  However, it’s still just another ‘monster movie’ as opposed to what could have been an amazing sequel to ‘Aliens.’ It’s okay, but it’s ultimately going to be forgotten for what it contains and probably remembered more for being the film that stood between Neil Blomkamp making his (much touted on the internet) version of a remake of ‘Alien 3’ (although I think he called it ‘Alien 5’) which would have been a direct sequel to ‘Aliens’ and bring back fan-favourite characters Ripley, Hicks, Newt and Bishop.

Everyone was delighted when Ridley Scott got his hands back on the 'Alien' franchise.  Now, after two attempts, I think it's time to take it back and put the old guy out to pasture.  Sorry.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that