Cobra (1986) - Not Stallone's finest, but still fun

Sylvester Stallone’s 'Cobra' is one of those movies that practically defines the 80s and their attitude towards action movies, without actually being one it the decade's best.  It’s not even one of Stallone’s best in terms of his filmography, but it's goofy enough and self-knowing to offer fans of the genre a spot of big, loud, dumb fun.

Stallone plays Marion “Cobra” Cobretti, a sunglasses-at-night (how 80s!) rogue cop who’s introduced slicing the tops off supermarket cans with a knife because… well, because it’s 1986.  The plot is little more than a vehicle for his one-liners, explosive shootouts and Stallone driving a cool motorbike.  The story isn't long and the villains feel like they wandered in from a much weirder movie—yet that odd clash of tones makes it feels like two completely different stories were stitched together.

Every shot feels engineered to make Stallone look impossibly tough (as I'm sure he was trying to keep up with Schwarzenegger at the time!), the action sequences are nice and 'real' (i.e. long before everything had to be CGI) and the film takes itself just seriously enough that it loops right back around into being entertaining.  Brigitte Nielsen starts off as a siren-type character and ends up practically as the 'girl next door.'

If you’re looking for a genuinely great 80s action movie, there are better options.  But if what you want is a simple dose of pure, uncut 80s cheese with Stallone at peak “cool cop” intensity then 'Cobra' absolutely delivers.  It’s a flawed movie, but also a wildly entertaining one and sometimes that’s exactly the charm you’re in the mood for.

7/10