Terror at London Bridge (1985) - Soooo much cheese

Oh, dear, this one is - kind of - painful.  No, it's not so bad that I turned it off, but it sure as hell doesn't match up with anything in the genre that it's trying for.  If you think of the - classic - 'slasher' films then you'll probably at least hope they'll creep you out a bit (or just indulge in some over the top gory fun). 'Terror at London Bridge' is - technically - a 'slasher' movie, only it just isn't really anything to write home about.

We begin in London a hundred years ago when none other than Jack the Ripper is shot and 'killed' over London Bridge.  Fast Forward a hundred years later and the bridge has been moved, brick by brick, to America (yeah, don't ask too many questions - just go with it!).  And, guess what, Jack's come along for the ride and is back to his old tricks with the local women.  Only one man stands in his way - and he's going to do it without his talking car, none other than David Hasselhoff.

It's a kind of 'Jaws-esque' affair from then on, with 'the Hoff' guessing that the real Jack the Ripper is behind the killings and wanting to close public events, while the profit-hungry council bosses not wanting to admit there's a problem due to the financial tourism cost such an admission would cause.

There's nothing offensively bad about this film.  I almost like the premise, but there's just not that much that's good either.  It's not funny, i.e. it plays it straight and it's not gory with inventive kills either.  The British characters are almost cliches of what English people are like and are laughably funny, but for all the wrong reasons.

If you're a fan of 'the Hoff' you'll probably enjoy this, although, despite being the only real name on the cast list you'll recognise, he's not in it as much as you'd think he would be.  Otherwise, it's just a basic 'made-for-TV' affair that's pretty forgettable, as it doesn't offer anything new to the genre.

4/10