The Exorcist III (1990) - Which version did I just watch?

The Exorcist III' is one of those horror sequels that is probably better (in some places!) than people expect. The original was a genuine classic which still stands up to this day, but the second sequel in the franchise kind of sneaks up on you with how genuinely creepy it can be. The atmosphere is definitely moody and unsettling, plus some of the imagery (especially the now infamous hallway scare!) will still make you jump, but whether you'll see much of Brad Dourif's excellent performance will depend on which version of the film you watch.

I don't know whether I watched the original or the director's cut, but this one felt like the studio took a hacksaw to it, as there feels like there are missing pieces every other scene. The narrative jumps around, character motivations get fuzzy and the overall story just never seems to find its stride. I'm sure there was a better movie hiding underneath the edits, but what’s left ends up being a bit messy and harder to follow than it should be.

Still, the core creepiness is strong enough to make it worth a watch, even if the final product is uneven. Solid scares, but unfortunately choppy storytelling.

5/10

Money Plane (2020) - So, so bad.  I love it

Yes, 'Money Plane' is absolutely every bit as terrible as all those YouTube reviewers said it was—maybe even worse.  So, if you brace yourself for a cinematic train wreck, you can wring a hell of a lot of entertainment out of it.

The whole thing feels like somebody pitched “Die Hard on a casino airplane” and then immediately left the room, leaving everyone else to just… guess.  You get characters who either look like they’re sleepwalking through the movie or, on the complete opposite end, chewing scenery like they’re auditioning for a villain role in a Saturday morning cartoon (Kelsey Grammer, I'm looking at you - how did you ever get roped into a film like this?).

The plot is basically a series of wild, disconnected ideas glued together just firmly enough to keep the plane in the air.  You’ll get moments that make you go, “Wait, what?” followed immediately by something even funnier or weirder and the movie just kind of barrels forward like it knows you’re not here for logic anyway.  And don't expect even anywhere near the amount of action you might get in similar (better!) films like 'Die Hard, Under Siege' or 'Air Force One,' as the main actor spends much of the movie sitting in the cockpit flying the plane!

So, if you embrace the chaos 'Money Plane' has as much goofy charm as 'The Room,' only with a man trying to er 'get it on' with an alligator.  It’s so earnestly silly that it crosses over into that “so bad it’s good” zone, where you’re laughing with it, at it, around it - in fact, whatever works best for you.  It’s not good film-making, but it’s definitely a fun.

Basically, don’t watch it expecting a hidden gem.  Watch it because sometimes you want a disaster that knows it’s a disaster… and maybe even sort of revels in it.

6/10

Cobra (1986) - Not Stallone's finest, but still fun

Sylvester Stallone’s 'Cobra' is one of those movies that practically defines the 80s and their attitude towards action movies, without actually being one it the decade's best.  It’s not even one of Stallone’s best in terms of his filmography, but it's goofy enough and self-knowing to offer fans of the genre a spot of big, loud, dumb fun.

Stallone plays Marion “Cobra” Cobretti, a sunglasses-at-night (how 80s!) rogue cop who’s introduced slicing the tops off supermarket cans with a knife because… well, because it’s 1986.  The plot is little more than a vehicle for his one-liners, explosive shootouts and Stallone driving a cool motorbike.  The story isn't long and the villains feel like they wandered in from a much weirder movie—yet that odd clash of tones makes it feels like two completely different stories were stitched together.

Every shot feels engineered to make Stallone look impossibly tough (as I'm sure he was trying to keep up with Schwarzenegger at the time!), the action sequences are nice and 'real' (i.e. long before everything had to be CGI) and the film takes itself just seriously enough that it loops right back around into being entertaining.  Brigitte Nielsen starts off as a siren-type character and ends up practically as the 'girl next door.'

If you’re looking for a genuinely great 80s action movie, there are better options.  But if what you want is a simple dose of pure, uncut 80s cheese with Stallone at peak “cool cop” intensity then 'Cobra' absolutely delivers.  It’s a flawed movie, but also a wildly entertaining one and sometimes that’s exactly the charm you’re in the mood for.

7/10

Witchboard 2 (1993) - Possibly better than it had any right to be

I'd never even heard of 'Witchboard 2' when I decided I was in the mood for some low-budget horror, so I have no idea how it relates to 'part 1' (or even if there was a previous entry that ran narratively into this one).  So, going into 'Witchboard 2,' I really didn’t expect much.  It’s cheap, definitely looks like a made-for-TV movie and the premise isn’t exactly groundbreaking — another story about someone messing around with a Ouija board and getting more than they bargained for.  But, to my surprise, there was actually enough here to keep me entertained all the way through.

The movie leans into its cheap and cheerful charm and, while it’s not scary in any real sense, it moves along with just enough mystery and weirdness to stay engaging.  I even found myself taking a bit of cheeky enjoyment out of it — the kind where you realize you’re having more fun than you probably should be.  Some of the plot twists actually caught me off guard, which is more than I can say for plenty of bigger-budget horror flicks in general.

Sure, it’s not original and it has that unmistakable early-’90s “cable movie” feel, but for what it is, 'Witchboard 2' offers a solid dose of supernatural fun if you're in a particularly forgiving mood.  You could definitely do worse in the world of made-for-TV-style horror, especially if you can watch it for free like I did on a streaming service.

6/10

Marching Powder (2025) - Danny tries Trainspotting 

Believe it or not, I'm actually quite a fan of Danny Dyer.  I don't expect he'll ever win any Oscars, but he's watchable enough to be amusing if given the right role/material.  However, 'Marching Powder' tries hard to blend gritty realism with cheeky British humor, but the result feels a bit confused. The film seems to believe it can channel the spirit of 'Trainspotting' — complete with drug-fueled escapades, introspective monologues and moments of grim social commentary. Unfortunately, it lacks both the talent and the depth to pull it off.

Dyer, while a decent enough actor in the right role, struggles here with the dramatic readings of his lines. His trademark cockney banter and rough-edged charm aren't up to the film’s attempts at serious character development.  It’s as if someone thought, “What if we made a cockney version of Trainspotting?” — only to forget that those introspective, tortured inner monologues don’t quite land without an actor of Ewan McGregor’s emotional range and sheer antihero qualities.

The film isn’t without merit: a few scenes carry that familiar Dyer energy and the direction captures the grime and chaos of London’s underbelly and social tensions.  But the tone is all over the place — one moment it’s a dark comedy, the next it’s a gritty morality play and neither fully sticks the landing.

In the end, 'Marching Powder' feels like a a decent attempt for Dyer to try to be more than his previous roles, but, although it wants to be profound, it ends up as a muddled showcase of him doing only bits of what he does best.

5/10

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) - One big yawn

After the surprisingly okay 'Halloween 4,' here we have the fifth entry in the long-running slasher series which takes a noticeable step back (we're not including the 'Marmite-esque 'Halloween 3: Season of the Witch,' as that didn't feature Michael Myers as the antagonist).  'Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers' tries to continue the story of Jamie Lloyd and her relentless, masked uncle, but the result is a sluggish and unfocused sequel that lacks any of the previous tension and atmosphere that made the 1978 original a classic.

The pacing is one of the biggest letdowns here. For a film about a silent killer (in an inside out William Shatner mask!) stalking small-town victims, Halloween 5 takes way too long to get going, with long stretches where nothing really happens.  The original suspense of John Carpenter’s original are replaced with meandering scenes and virtually no character development.  And, while we're on the subject of the 'characters' (and I use that term loosely!), almost everyone here is hard to like.  The teens are written as generic horror cannon fodder and even Jamie—played again by Danielle Harris—feels more like a plot device than a fully realized person this time around.

Donald Pleasence returns as Dr. Loomis and he gives his usual committed, slightly unhinged performance.  At least his intensity provides a few memorable moments, but even his larger-than-life presence can’t save the muddled story or elevate its dull execution.  By this point, Loomis’s obsession with stopping Michael feels more repetitive than anything else.

Despite Pleasence’s dedication, 'Halloween 5' fails to capture the suspense or spirit of any of its predecessors (I even preferred 'part 3' or any of the Rob Zombie remakes!).  With its slow pace, unlikable cast, and lack of real scares, it’s one of the weaker and more forgettable sequels in the franchise.

4/10

The Island of the Fishermen (1979) - I was expecting Peter Weller to turn up!

Alright, let’s not kid ourselves — 'Screamers; starts off slow. The kind of slow where you might check your watch and wonder if you accidentally tuned into an old TV sea adventure instead of a horror flick. It’s got that very ‘70s, old-fashioned vibe — you know, the kind where every line of dialogue feels like it’s setting up something you’ve already guessed five minutes ago.

Well, it's got all the B-movie greatest hits here: a mad scientist doing questionable ocean experiments, a greedy rich guy plundering nature’s treasures and a bunch of hapless folks who clearly haven’t seen a monster movie before (as it doesn't end well for the cast of extras!). It’s predictable as hell — but weirdly charming about it.

Then comes the second half, where things finally start to splash. The “monsters” show up — and, oh boy, they’re literally guys in giant fish suits.  At first, it’s impossible not to laugh… but give them a few minutes and, somehow, they start to grow on you. Like rubbery, bug-eyed goldfish who just want to be loved (and dump a load of priceless treasure at your feet - bless 'em!)..

It’s not scary, it’s not original and it’s not winning any awards for pacing — but if you’re in a forgiving mood and fancy some classic creature-feature cheese, 'Screamers' is a surprisingly fun little dive into schlocky waters.

6/10 — predictable, fishy, but good fun once it gets going