Blood Red Sky - Get these m******ing vampires off the plane!

Netflix films can be pretty hit and miss.  This one starts off in one place and then pretty much the rest of the story is one giant flashback, explaining how a passenger plane has been forced to land on a Scottish military base.  We meet a mother who's travelling with her young son from Germany to America in order to get treatment for a - seemingly incurable - illness.  Unfortunately, things don't go to plan when a group of terrorists (who could well be the 'B-team' for that lot who took over the Nakatomi Plaza in 'Die Hard') and the plane is forced to take more than a few diversions.

However, if the passengers think this was not part of the package holiday they'd booked, the terrorists also get more than their fair share of shocks when one passenger (yes, the apparently 'ill') woman turns out to be a bloodthirsty vampire who won't go down with just a few bullets here and there.  I suppose what follows is a game of 'Die Hard on a plane, but with vampires.' Or should that just be 'Air Force One, but with vampires?' 

It's not a bad little film to watch.  There's plenty of gore in the form of people getting their necks ripped out here and there, but nothing you probably haven't seen before in a million other horror flicks.  The writing is nice and believable for almost all the characters.  Unfortunately, the young boy just seemed to get on my nerves.  I know he was supposed to have been placed in a scary situation and was afraid for his mother's safety and what she was turning into, but he just came across as too wimpy, whiny and generally annoying.

However, don't let just one character put you off.  The rest is pretty solid if you're looking for a little action/horror film which has a nice claustrophobic setting and is already part of your rental package.  I wonder what Samuel L Jackson would have made of these bloodsuckers on his plane.  He would probably actually be grateful he only had to put up with snakes.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Fantasy Island (2020) - Surprisingly watchable

It's very rare that a horror movie sets new grounds and becomes some sort of classic that will stay with audiences and change the genre forever.  2020's 'Fantasy Island' is no different.  It doesn't reinvent the wheel or offer anything you haven't really seen before, so often the best you can get from a low-budget horror film is that it entertains you for an hour and a half and is generally watchable. 'Fantasy Island' is just that.  It has enough decent parts to it that it will keep you watching right up until the end and you shouldn't feel like you've wasted your time.

A handful of people get invited to a tropical paradise which boasts that it can make any and every fantasy come true for each of its guests.  Those who take up this tempting offer are nicely different to each other and, although you probably won't remember their exact names when the credits roll, you'll know each of them by sight (again, often the best a horror movie can expect).  No one puts in any sort of 'Oscar-worthy' performance, but the acting is decent enough and you'll feel for some of them when the body parts start getting hacked off and the blood starts flowing.

Naturally, things don't go to plan and the malicious supernatural element of the island soon comes into play and turns these people's fantasies into nightmares - with often fatal consequences.

Perhaps the one thing that I really liked with this film was that I didn't know where it was going.  Yes, the whole premises is a little hard to swallow and you'll have to suspend your disbelief in order to get something out of it, but, if you do, you'll actually find something worth watching.  In many films (especially horror) you'll know exactly who the hero is and who will survive. 'Fantasy Island' is a little different in that you may not know who the 'true' hero is when it first starts and who survives may surprise you when the film finally ends.

There are also a few nice little twists in it that you might not see coming (I didn't!) which also add to the overall feel of the film and there was even a moment at the very end which I found was very nice and genuinely touching.

Like I say, it's ultimately nothing new.  It's sort of a 'slasher' film where one cast member will be killed before the next, but it's certainly well worth watching if you're a fan of the genre and can find it for cheap or part of your online streaming service.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

The Invisible Man (2020) - Jury's still out on the ending

Taking aside the fact that 2020's 'The Invisible Man' was supposed to be part of Universal Studio's 'Dark Universe' (until 'The Mummy' bombed in 2017 and Universal Studios had to accept that the public just weren't that interested in the concept when they had Marvel Superheroes to keep them going!), 'The Invisible Man' is one of those strange films that I just can't work out how I feel about.

I think it caused 'outrage' on its cinematic release (but then doesn't everything outrage someone these days?) and, having now watched the film, I can't work out which mainstream political 'side' was most offended.  It's a horror/thriller (unless you want to add 'science-fiction' in there as well, but, in my opinion, mainly 'horror/thriller') about, as you've probably guessed, a man who has found a way of turning himself invisible and is now enjoying the 'perks' (if you can call them that!) of his newfound power.

He mercilessly torments his former partner and makes her life a living hell by framing her for one felony after another - in his mind for her 'crime' of leaving him.  I still remember when 'Hollow Man' came out back in 2000 (roughly?) starring Kevin Bacon.  The fact that computers could now make having an 'invisible' actor perform on set was pretty impressive for its time and 'Hollow Man' will always be my 'modern retelling' of the classic tale.  But 2020's take on the source material isn't a complete waste of time.  It has its own spin on the mythology and has a twists and turns that you may not see coming (I didn't!).

It's just the ending.  It really jarred with me.  I wasn't sure what it was trying to say or whether I approved of 'the message' it was trying to state (if indeed it was trying to say anything meaningful at all!).  It seemed like it ended, only it didn't.  It was like the studio wanted to add another bit on after then ending for some reason.  Then things seemed to happen that didn't really fit with what had gone before it and, if you looked too deeply into it, there are some major plotholes in the storytelling.

Overall, it's not bad.  The special effects are very good and the acting is fine, too - for a horror movie.  It's no classic, but it's definitely worth a couple of hours of your time if you can find it as part of a streaming service or something.  I guess however you interpret the ending and its possible message will either add or detract from your overall opinion of the movie.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

The Platform (2019) - A multi-storey cube

Yes, I'll get it out of the way right away - 2020's 'The Platform' is very similar in style and feel to the cult sci-fi classic 'The Cube.' They're both low budget (not that that's a criticism), no big name actors or set pieces and simply rely on a strange and other-worldly situation/location and how the characters react to it.

If I had to compare the two I'd probably prefer 'The Cube.' However, that's not to say that 'The Platform' isn't without its merits.  A man wakes up in a 'prison' which is set on more floors than he can count.  A platform containing food is slowly lowered down throughout the vast facility and those inside can choose to eat... or not.  That's about it really.  It's a simple - if a little weird - story that, despite it's overall lack of answers, is quite gripping as you really do want to see what happens next.

I did feel that the first half was certainly better than the second.  Some characters don't make it all the way to the end credits and their 'removal' (even if they do - sort of - return courtesy of a form of plot device) does make the story less enjoyable.   With such a small cast, the loss of one cast member does make a difference and, even though more characters are introduced as the film progresses, we don't have time to get to know all of them.

You could probably consider it science fiction, only all the technology on display is - technically - available to us today.  Perhaps it's more horror, only there are no supernatural entities or monsters stalking their prey.  Plus, although there is gore and this film certainly isn't for children, the bloodthirsty moments aren't excessive and it's nice to see practical effects on the few times they're called for.

If you're looking for a thrill ride with big name actors and explosions all the way then this isn't for you.  Like 'The Cube' it's a slow-burner where the story's main draw is making you ask questions as to why and how this is all happening.  By the time the credits roll - again, just like 'The Cube' don't expect to have every question answered and every box ticked.  It's one of those films that could be looked at like a metaphor for 'class struggle' and a condensed form of the world with live in.  It's definitely designed to make the audience discuss it later and, despite its flaws, is well worth a watch if you find it part of your online streaming service and are bored with superhero movies and the like.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

The Hunt (2020) - Delightfully gory satire

This film caused all sorts of 'outrage' when it was first released.  Or rather when it was supposed to be released.  It's narrative about 'woke liberals' kidnapping and hunting 'right-wing rednecks' was (inexplicitly!) linked to some real life tragic events and subsequently pushed back for theatrical release. Then, when it did come out, both sides of the political spectrum seemed to think it was an outright attack on them.

I think that whoever watched it and slagged it off just didn't have much of a sense of humour.  Yes, it pokes fun at certain modern political philosophies/ideologies, but - most importantly - it mocks both sides - like all the best satires do.

It hits the ground running and, unlike many modern day films, we're thrown straight into the action - which revolves around gore and bloodthirsty killings.  However, some of the most fun found here is how it 'subverts expectations' and takes more than a few false turns and does a great job at 'faking out' the audience (it got me every time!).

There's plenty of snappy satirical dialogue and the gore appears to be - for the main part - all practical effects, as opposed to the overuse of computer generated effects.  

If you've seen Hilary Swank's name linked to the marketing, don't expect her to be in it much - she's only really in the last act, but she seems to be enjoying herself with what's expected of her.

I think if I had one criticism of the film it's regarding it's final fight - for a film that mainly was quite 'realistic' in terms of what the human body can take (and what it takes to kill a human) the last battle felt like it was lifted out of a Marvel superhero film.  I think I've seen Terminators take less punishment and go down compared to the combatants here!

Anyway, that's a minor gripe.  The rest was just about as perfect as a satire filled with black comedy and gore could be.  Just don't take it too seriously and you'll have a good time.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

The Gentleman - Probably should have been an audiobook

I, like many, have been a huge fan of Guy Ritchie's output even since 'Lock Stock...' - granted not all of his latter work has been successful, but he's sure had more hits than misses in my book.  I have to confess that after about half an hour of 'The Gentleman' I actually switched it off.  I did intend to come back to it, but never really got round to it for months.  In the end, when I finally decided to resume it, I simply started from the beginning.  And I remembered why.

It's pretty dull.  Okay, that's possibly a little harsh if you're describing the whole film, but the first half hour is a hard watch.  You have Hugh Grant as a sleazy private investigator (who's presumably doing his best Ben Kingsley impression from 'Sexy Beast') trying to blackmail an upper class gangster who was on the brink of selling his empire and retiring.

There's a rule when writing that you should 'show, not tell' and yet Guy Ritchie seems to have forgotten this and gets High Grant to effectively narrate every single scene, telling us about every character instead of showing us what they're like and letting us make our own minds up as to their motives etc.  Yes, in typical Guy Ritchie fashion, it's all stylishly shot and looks pretty, but it's still so much of a slow-burner than I was on the brink of turning it off again.

Luckily, for the film, at around the forty minute mark, Colin Farrell arrives and - effectively - saves the film.  He's pretty much a scene-stealer and a treat to watch.  Now Guy Ritchie's overuse of dialogue doesn't seem such a drag to sit through any more.  He's not in it as much as I'd like, but at least his introduction does pick up the pace a little.

If I had one main gripe is that it's not clear who the main antagonist is.  Is it the Chinese?  Is it a nasty newspaper editor?  Or is it the Russians?  Maybe it's someone else who is going to be the 'twist' at the end?

It's not a short film (nearly two hours) and I really struggled to get through the first half.  Luckily, the last act really did improve as things came together more and the ending was actually pretty tense, therefore saving me from completely hating it.  I'm not sure if it's a film I'd watch again (or maybe I'd just watch it from about the hour mark?).  If you're expecting something quick and slick like 'Lock Stock' or 'Snatch' then this isn't it.  Prepare for something a lot more plodding and if you're in the right mood you should enjoy it despite its pace.

6/10 Should probably keep you awake if Freddy Krueger was haunting your nights

Red Notice - How to underuse Hollywood's finest

'Red Notice' is one of those examples of when everything looks good one paper and yet somehow manages to fall short when it's put into practice.  I'm a big fan of Ryan Reynolds, Dwane Johnson and - as Wonder Woman at least - Gal Gadot.  So why wouldn't I be delighted to see them all on screen together for a cheeky little spy, heist, action movie that I don't even have to leave my lounge to watch?

Once upon a time if a film was released 'straight to video/DVD' (and in today's world, 'straight to whichever online streaming service has bought the rights') there was the belief that it would be some low budget forgettable outing with no real stars to speak of.  Well, they got the 'forgettable' bit right.

In short... the three stars all play themselves and phone their performances in, possibly just to collect the hefty paycheck (I hear this was one of the most expensive movies ever to be made directly for a streaming service).  It starts of with shades of 'Tango and Cash' where two opposite characters are falsely imprisoned and now have to work together to escape.  But there doesn't seem to be that much action in the first half of the film, instead choosing that (Marvel-style?) constant wise-cracking humour at every point.  I know the film isn't supposed to be taken seriously, but you really don't need one-liners in every conversation and it really does get a little tiring after a while.

The script then tries to do something original/memorable by making itself overly complicated and throw things in there that you won't see coming.  To be fair... with this one it probably succeeds as the plot turns (I'm not sure whether they're considered 'twists' or not!) are a part of the story you definitely won't see coming as they make no sense at all if you try to think back and recall what's led up to these bombshells.

When it comes to movies on streaming services that you're already paying for, I normally say that these sorts of films are worth a watch if you're a fan of either the genre or one of the main actors.  That's sort of applicable with 'Red Notice,' but there's probably so many other (and better!) action films (most likely from the eighties and nineties) on every streaming platform (or your DVD collection) anyway, that you might as well watch one of those.  I'm already forgetting what went on in this one.  Sorry, Hollywood - just because you get great actors doesn't make for a great film - you need to have a little bit more of an 'edge' to get that winning formula.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back