Dead Snow 2: Red vs Dead - A beautifully politically incorrect sequel

Despite being a zombie fan, it took me a couple of viewings to appreciate the original ‘Dead Snow.’ But it grew on me (and now I own it on DVD).  I was delighted when I heard a sequel was out and watched it straight away.  I have to say I didn’t like this one either at first, but, whereas the original took a couple of viewings to ‘get,’ I started to like its sequel at around the half hour mark.

The original Dead Snow was a ‘condensed little number.’ It was about a group of friends who took a skiing holiday to a remote cabin (hardly original, eh?) where they interrupt a load of Nazi zombies.  Naturally, blood and guts follow.  So, instead of retreading the original, the film-makers choose to expand the whole story on a bigger picture.  We’re given more information on the Nazis zombies.  Who’d have thought evil undead killers have such a rich and diverse back-story?!  But they do!  Plus we have a whole new cast of characters on hand to help out the lone survivor of the initial encounter.

And the characters are fun.  The police on the trail of the undead carnage is pretty inept and quite amusing.  Our leftover hero is nicely psychotic and damaged after his previous ordeal, but what makes the film is how the writers have added all sorts of nice new aspects to what could just be another zombie movie.  There are so many movies out there like this these days that anything that wants to stand out has to cover new ground.  And I’m glad to say this one does.  I won’t list too many of its original nice touches, but my favourite aspect was how the hero’s arm god severed and the hospital had to reattach it.  Only they messed up and accidentally stitched on the main zombie’s arm, hence unwittingly giving our hero a few new powers of his own.

You will need to have a pretty dark sense of humour to watch this.  There are so many politically incorrect moments that break conventions.  A black sense of humour is a must here.  Plus there’s a fair bit of action towards the end.  Off the top of my head I’d have to say that ‘Dead Snow2’ contains the longest ongoing climactic battle I’ve seen in a zombie film.

You should be aware that the film is shot in both Norwegian and English, so you’ll find you’re reading the subtitles one minute, only to realise you’re listening to English the next.

The only criticisms I have would be that it does feel a little ‘all over the place’ at times.  Sometimes there are so many ideas and characters that things get a little messy and you end up pining for the ‘condensed-ness’ of the original.  Also, the leader of the ‘zombie squad’ annoyed me a little bit.  He seemed to start off as an uber-geek and ended up being tougher than Rambo.  But those are just minor gripes.  I think Part 2 is a great little number that doesn’t detract from the original and has enough things in it that are new to warrant it standing out above many of the B-movie zombie films cluttering up bargain bins full of cheap DVDs you’ve never heard of.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Condorman - A fun-filled Bond-esque classic

I loved this film in the eighties.  I used to own it on Betamax, but since VHS and DVDs took over the world, I lost my copy of 'Condorman' somewhere along the way.  Michael Crawford (better known for his hapless TV character Frank Spencer), plays a comicbook writer who gets recruited by the CIA and uses his own designs for a hero's gadgets to help him smuggle a Russian double agent back to the USA.

As improbably as that sounds, you're best just glossing over it, as thinking too deeply about anything you see will spoil the film further.  It's effectively a parody of spy movies and, mainly, Roger Moore's take on the 'Bond' character.  However, there are those who said that Roger Moore took the franchise in too much of a silly direction, therefore making it a parody to begin with!

However, whereas Bond is serious - even Moore's version - 'Condorman' is just stupid, cheesy fun.  I loved it as a kid and therefore watch it now through the eyes of nostalgia.  However, now I will confess to being a little off put by Frank Spencer's... sorry, Woody Wilkins' faux American accent.  He is an odd choice for an action hero-lead as he certainly isn't physically intimidating, but I guess that's part of the joke.

The gadgets make the film and they're always cool to watch - especially when they're 'practical effect's and stunts.  The blue screen work is very easy to spot now and the film could do with remastering to clean up the obvious effects.  The direction itself is competent, but the soundtrack is a little repetitive, especially during the climactic chase.

Yes, I loved it as a kid and others who have such nostalgic memories of it will probably get something out of it, too.  However, it's unlikely to find a new audience nowadays.  If you have an eight-year-old boy, he might like it, but anyone over the age of eight will feel pretty bored by it all.  I'm glad it seems to have found a 'cult following' over the ages as it should definitely be appreciated by some.  I guess we'll never get to see the franchise that Disney were hoping for, despite leaving the film on a 'cliffhanger.'

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

The Beyond (1981) - Better on the second time around

I guess I must have been in a bad mood when I first watched this as I really didn't like it.  Now I've watched it again (simply because I'd forgotten I'd even watched it, I really enjoyed it - like I've done so with many (so-bad-they're-good) Italian horror films of the eighties.  It's about a hotel in Louisiana which is basically a 'hell-mouth' and, seeing as Buffy probably wasn't born when this was made, it's up to a woman who wants to refurbish it and a doctor who can only shoot a zombie in the head every three shots (I counted!).

It's a bit weird where there are some secondary characters who just wander around talking badly.  Yes, it's dubbed in many places - I noticed that severely when I first watched it and it's still as overly-dramatic now.  In typical Italian horror movie style, it's almost deliberately all over the place and the sharp edits which give the film a truly disconcerting atmosphere.  Plus there are some scenes which are almost funny while being bizarre - like when a woman seems to freak out because a beaker of water overturns in slow motion (and she then comes off worse, believe it or not).

And there's the gore - which was damn gool if you're into 'claret' and generally want to see a hundred and one different ways of inflicting pain on eyeballs.  Back in the eighties (before every ‘head-shot’ was computer generated) film-makers had to come up with new and interesting ways of doing gore on the cheap.  And, to be fair, that’s one area where The Beyond succeeded.  The gore wasn’t just gore, but also pretty inventive, providing me with more than a few moments of on-screen horror that I’ve never seen before.

I'm glad I've given this film another go as - this time - I found it really entertaining and it's an example that you clearly need to be in the right mood for the right film.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

American Pie - There was this one time – at band camp – when we watched a really funny film

Okay, so I know that ‘teens behaving badly’ is hardly a revolutionary genre when it comes to film-making.  However, sometimes a film comes along that, while not really offering much that’s new, sort of revitalises the genre (and naturally spawns one hundred and one poorer imitations). ‘American Pie’ did just this.  Four horny teenage boys vow to lose their virginity before they graduate from high school and, as the old saying goes ‘with hilarious consequences.’ But, unlike all those times where that worn and weary phrase never really quite lives up to its boast, this time it does.

There are times when a film probably shouldn’t work, yet it does.  This is one of those times.  The story relies heavily on ‘gross-out’ humour.  You will need to have an appreciation for rather crude and toilet-based gags to fully enjoy this.  Plus, as ‘sex’ is a major component to the plot, you’ll need to be okay with quite a few dirty scenes.

Nearly fifteen years later, you will probably recognise many of the cast, but, back in 1999, they were largely unknowns, the only real recognisable face was Allison Hannigan who played ‘Willow’ in the Buffy the Vampire TV series.  However, despite being a load of non-stars, they all played their parts really well.  You’ll actually care about everyone here, no matter how dumb they are.

If you’re really looking for faults, you could say that it’s riddled with clichés.  The four main lead characters aren’t exactly ‘fleshed-out.’ They’re all walking/talking caricatures and pretty dumb (but then they’re teenage boys, so I guess the lack of I.Q. can be forgiven).  The females on the cast fair a little better.  They’re slightly more smart and sensitive, but at the same time are largely only there as potential candidates for the four boys’ adolescent lusts.

American Pie will never be ‘high brow entertainment’ yet it is enormous fun for anyone with an appreciation for silly (definitely low brow) humour.  Many other films were made after it trying to fit the same mould and recapture the magic.  Some were okay.  Others were good, but all fell short of this one.  Even the official sequels themselves slowly degraded and I didn’t even bother to finish all of the fourth instalment ‘American Wedding.’ I’ll stick to this one thanks.  And possibly part II.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Wonder Woman – DC finally finds its feet

In case you’re not aware of the ‘shared cinematic universe’ wars that are going on in the cinemas, I’ll try and put it simply.  One studio makes superhero films that everyone seems to love.  Another studio makes superhero films that you’d think the same audience would loves, but everyone seems to hate.  And there you have my brief history of ‘Marvel’ and ‘DC.’ Wonder Woman falls into the ‘DC bracket’ and fans have already expressed their disapproval with DC’s previous attempts at getting all their most famous heroes together on the big screen with the various Superman and Suicide Squad films, some even saying that DC’s ‘shared cinematic universe’ is already dead in the water.  However, just when it looked like this franchise was as dead as the new General Zod, along comes Gal Gadot as the titular Wonder Woman.  And, just as most people agreed that the other DC films don’t work, now most people seem to agree that Wonder Woman is awesome!  I have to say that I agree, but then maybe I’m easily pleased as I also really liked Batman versus Superman and Suicide Squad!

I’ve never read the comics, but I believe the film is a little different here and there.  Apparently, they’ve changed her origins and set the story in World War I as opposed to WWII.  Apparently, that did irk some people, but my lack of backstory knowledge of the source material meant that I never noticed!  Anyway, we meet Diana (aka Wonder Woman) on her Amazonian island as a child.  We see her obsess over becoming like the warrior women she idolises and yearns to join them in their eternal fight against the forces of darkness.  Don’t worry.  This doesn’t last for long.  It’s pretty tedious and definitely the low-point of the whole film.  In fact, it could quite easily have been cut and no one would have really noticed.  All it feels like is pointless exposition.  However, like I say, it doesn’t last long and Diana quickly grows up in time to rescue crashed Allied fighter pilot Captain Kirk from his stricken plane as it nose dives in the sea (or rather Chris Pine, anyway).  

And from then on it’s pretty non-stop.  You have everything you can want from a superhero movie.  Despite Gal Gadot’s inexperience with acting (I believe she’s primarily a model), she plays the character perfectly.  She’s one part fish out of water as she arrives in the ‘real’ world and interacts with people who weren’t raised without war on a paradise island.  But she’s never totally naïve.  You cannot help but root for her as she’s just so damn likeable without ever been a goody-two-shoes.  Then there’s the chemistry with Kirk – sorry, Pine – they bounce off each other brilliantly.  And the characters are seamlessly woven into expert direction when it comes to the fight scenes – after all, Wonder Woman is literally going to war and the scene where she charges an entire German trench sends goosebumps down your arms – it’s that good.

If there is a negative it’s the beginning, plus an annoying comedy relief character (you’ll spot her straight away), but thankfully both bad elements are brief.  This is normally the point where I say that fans of superhero movies will love this.  And, although I believe that to be true, I reckon that Wonder Woman is the kind of film where pretty much anyone who enjoys good cinema should enjoy it, plus – special shout-out to the weird grinding soundtrack that seems to come on every time Diana fights (it’s weird and definitely as memorable to the action as other classic tunes such as the Bond and Indiana Jones themes).

After a shaky start DC are finally off and running.  And this can only be good to give Marvel a bit of competition at the Box Office.  Bring on Wonder Woman 2 (or was that technically Batman versus Superman?!).

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Shallow Grave - A likeable film about unlikeable people

First of all, I'll address what seems to be the primary criticism about `Shallow Grave,' i.e. the three main characters are as shallow as the graves they dig for their victims. Even the usually charming Ewan McGregor is as nasty and spiteful as his two flatmates, played by Christopher Ecleston and Kerry Fox.

So, if you're looking for a film where you can truly identify with a bunch of nice, loyal, brave heroes, then Danny Boyle's first film probably isn't for you.

But, if you can put up with the deliberately dark tones of the film, you should enjoy it. The three stuck-up friends come into possession of a suitcase-load of money (courtesy of a forth flatmate - now deceased). They - naturally - think they're entitled to it and set about having a jolly good time.

If the film really did contain such unlikeable characters as some people seem to hate it for, then I doubt it would ever have been considered the classic that it is. I think we tolerate these selfish individuals because we know that, once they've decided not to turn the money over to the proper authorities, then retribution is never far from their door.

It's not as stylish as Trainspotting, as Hollywood as A Life Less Ordinary, as action-packed as 28 Days Later, or deep and aspiring as Slumdog Millionaire, but it is a great and raw flick from undoubtedly one of Britain's finest modern film-makers. Definitely worth a watch.

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Robocop - One day ALL films will be made like this

There’s no other way of saying it, but Robocop is an absolute classic. Ignore the ‘so-so’ 2014 remake and concentrate on the original. It’s all you need. It was possibly too good and couldn’t even be matched by its sequels.

Yes, it’s hyper-violent and totally adult in nature, but it also has a wonderfully subtle layer of satire underneath all the gore and bloodshed.

In case you don’t know, a policeman is gunned down in futuristic Detroit, only to be resurrected with no memory of his former life as an indestructible cyborg lawman. Of course his memories soon start to trickle back and he begins to want to track down those who ‘killed’ him for more than just a slap on the wrist.

It’s packed full of memorable scenes and catchphrases and the only people who probably won’t appreciate this film are those with a real distaste for violence.

It really is the perfect little film for what it is. It never tries to be deep and meaningful, only loud, proud and entertaining. And it succeeds of ever one of those levels.

10/10 The Monty Python Knights of Camelot are currently looking for this