Underworld: Blood Wars – The franchise has jumped the lycan

I’ve always been a fan of the ‘Underworld’ franchise.  The first film totally blew me away and – amazingly – the sequel (in my opinion, anyway) was that rarest of beasts of a sequel that was actually better than the original.  Yes, a few people said the prequel that came next was a missed opportunity, as it didn’t address a lot of the mythology that people were hoping for.  And, despite many film critics absolutely despising the fourth instalment, I took some dumb enjoyment out of the affair.  Therefore, I couldn’t really see how ‘part 5’ would be anything other than more of the same silly, action-packed entertainment.  I was wrong.  Sadly.

I just couldn’t believe how much the quality has fallen with this one.  It just felt like one of the most generic, by-the-numbers films ever made.  Yes, it had some of the same characters in it.  Yes, Kate Beckinsale looked good in her catsuit.  And, yes, there are still plenty of action scenes.  Yet, this time round, it just didn’t feel like anything other than an extended trailer for a film.

Although Kate Beckinsale does her best in the lead, this time round she seems almost bored to be here – like other roles have dried up and she needs this one to pay the bills.  The other characters are equally forgettable; there’s a new vampire who basically looks like the ‘Mother of Dragons’ from ‘Game of Thrones’ and (yet another) new leader of the werewolves (sorry, ‘lycans’) who just snarls in a menacing manner and even the – normally great – Charles Dance can’t really add any old-school charm to the proceeding. 

However, when I sat down to watch this, I was hardly expecting major character development and meaningful story arcs – I would have settled for some decent vampire versus werewolves action.  I didn’t even get that!  The action scenes are possibly some of the worst ever in modern movies.  Twenty years ago they might have been considered something special, but times have changed and people are expecting something a little different.  But, again, I could have taken dull action – what I really got was ‘stupid’ action!  If you think about any of the major fight scenes they make no sense whatsoever.  The characters do things that are so ridiculous that it makes all those old horror films where the blonde leading lady doesn’t bother killing the killer when she has the upper hand absolutely believable and inspired.  I’ve never seen a more poorly-trained army of vampires who gets wiped out like they’re ‘normal’ humans.  I suppose at least they don’t ‘sparkle’ in sunlight.

On the plus side, it does shed some light on some questions raised in previous instalments regarding characters who just – sort of – disappeared from the franchise, but apart from that, there’s really not much here that you haven’t seen before.  I hear there’s an ‘Underworld 6’ in the pipeline – I’ll probably watch it, but this instalment has severely lowered my expectations towards the franchise.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back

A Beautiful Mind – Much better than I expected

I never watched ‘A Beautiful Mind’ at its time of release as I wasn’t a massive fan of Russell Crowe and I didn’t know what the film was about.  For me, this was the ultimate example of never judging a book by its cover.  I still proclaim that the cover of the DVD looks pretty dull and gives no real hint as to what the film was about.  Yes, I knew that Crowe won an Oscar for his performance and that it was a story about a guy who did stuff, but nothing about (the little) I heard about it really grabbed me.  However, now nearly twenty years later, I finally got round to seeing what all the fuss was about.  And I’m actually quite glad I did.

I guess my overriding predictions of ‘A Beautiful Mind’ was that it was a love story and nothing else.  However, the film is actually based on the real life story of John Nash (Crowe), an American code-breaker who helped the US Government decipher Russian messages during the Cold War, making the whole thing more akin to a spy thriller than a romantic drama.  I’m not saying that just because it’s about spies you’re going to get a load of high-octane James Bond car chases and gadgets.  What you have here is a far more realistic take on the profession.  We see how Nash is ‘recruited’ by the Government and the way he uses his gifts with patterns and numbers in order to help them out.  Of course there’s always going to be a reasonable helping of romantic sub-plot and here it comes in the form of Jennifer Connolly who becomes his wife throughout the course of the story.  But, in my opinion (now!), it’s primarily a spy story.

I won’t go into too much detail regarding the rest of the plot as there are most likely some things that you won’t see coming.  Or, at least from my perspective as someone who knew nothing about the film before watching, I certainly didn’t predict what would happen.  But, I do recommend watching it, even if you’re not a fan of spy-stuff.  If nothing else then Crowe’s performance is definitely worth a look.  You can see why he got his Oscar as he does put everything he has into the portrayal of a man who, by his own admission, isn’t that likeable and yet you want to see what happens to him.  Ed Harris and Christopher Plummer should also get mentions as they both provide integral parts of the story.  I know Jennifer Connolly was good too, but I felt she had little to do other than be Nash’s long-suffering partner throughout the story.  It is a kind of long film and I think perhaps around fifteen to twenty minutes of the final act could probably have been trimmed to make it a tighter film.  It may take me another twenty years to watch ‘A Beautiful Mind’ again, but I’m pretty sure one day I will.

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

The Commuter – Liam Neeson hits people on a train

I know that ‘shared universes’ are very popular these days with film franchises, so I’m rapidly coming to the conclusion that, along with the ‘Marvel Cinematic Universe,’ there’s also a ‘Liam Neeson Shared Universe.’ In this dimension Liam Neeson just wanders from one situation where he has to fight people to rescue his family.  If you’re familiar with the film ‘Taken’ (which kind of reignited Neeson’s career as an elder action hero) you’ll know he’s more than competent at saving the day in middle age.  In that he had to rescue his daughter (and beat many people up along the way).  This was followed by the inevitable sequels and some other films that were basically ‘Taken,’ but with a different title. ‘The Commuter’ is one of these.  However, just because it’s effectively the same movie with a different coat of paint doesn’t make it bad.

There’s not an awful lot I can say about this film that I haven’t summed up in the title – Liam Neeson hits people on a train.  It’s pretty much your standard action movie and by no means perfect.  Whenever he’s on the train (which is most of the time!) the outside world speeding by looks severely computer-generated.  He gets into fights and takes punishment that would put down a Terminator, there’s an attempt at adding moments that you won’t see coming (and you’ll definitely see them coming) and parts of the plot that just probably wouldn’t happen in real life.

Yes, for all its numerous faults, it actually kept me very entertained.  It’s not overly-long and if you’re either a fan of Liam Neeson’s ‘Taken-type’ movies, or just modern action films in general, then this is something to eat popcorn to.  Seeing that Liam Neeson has now beat people up on planes and now trains, I’m guessing the logical progression for his career will be for him to find himself trapped in the back of an Uber with a terrorist at the wheel and he must fight for his survival (and most likely his family’s, too).  And, I’m guessing I’ll probably find some enjoyment in that, too (I have low standards!).

7/10 if I woke up on Groundhog Day and had to watch this again, I could live with that

Vanilla Sky – More ‘Lynchian’ than love

It’s hard to imagine that in 2001 a love story starring Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz and Penelope Cruz was actually considered a Box Office failure.  But then that’s because it wasn’t a love story.  However, much of the marketing that surrounded it concentrated on the ‘relationship aspect’ of the film, lulling people into thinking this was what they would be getting.  Therefore, by the time they had left the cinema and their heads had stopped spinning, they possibly were among the many who simply described ‘Vanilla Sky’ as a ‘mess.’ Yes, the story is centres around a print billionaire (Tom Cruise’s) slowly falling in love with a struggling artist (Penelope Cruz) while at the same time trying to fend off his existing lover (Cameron Diaz).  So far, nothing particularly out of the ordinary.  However, once the film gets going (and I say this referring to much that comes in the second half, as the first half sets everything up without giving too much away as to what’s about to come) things start taking a turn for the weird.

Dreams are mentioned more than once and that’s a good analogy as to how the film progresses.  Things happens that appear a little random, leaving the audience to wonder whether there may ever be some form of supernatural influence involved.  The story chops and changes and deliberately leaves the viewer feeling pretty disorientated, much like you’d feel upon waking up from a particularly vivid dream.  Naturally, this form of story-telling doesn’t make for an easy ride when it comes to understanding the narrative.  I can see it leaving some people a little confused (it took me a couple of watches to actually ‘get’ the film entirely!).

I mentioned ‘Lynchian’ in my title.  This refers to film-maker David Lynch, who’s famous for his weird, surreal, completely NON classic Hollywood narrative way of telling a story.  He, like ‘Vanilla Sky,’ likes to leave a fair element of the story up to the viewers’ interpretation, rather than spoon-feeding them every plot point.  Therefore, this is most likely a film that you’re going to find yourself discussing with friends after a viewing (although, in my opinion, ‘Vanilla Sky’ actually gives you a lot more answers than the average David Lynch film!).

If you know what you’re in for I think people who are in the mood for a particularly weird and slightly disturbing type of film will quite enjoy this.  You definitely have to be in the mood.  I’ve seen it a fair few times, but, if I’m simply craving car chases and shoot-outs, then this isn’t the film I put on.  I think if anything sums it up best it’s Cameron Diaz’s performance in ‘Vanilla Sky’ – on the surface, sweet and frothy.  However, dig deep and you’ll find dark and creepy (and that’s not an insult – she’s really good in this!).

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Romancing the Stone – Big hair and bigger snakes

Someone told me that ‘Romancing the Stone’ was actually a romantic comedy, rather than an action movie.  Yeah, I guess there’s an element of ‘romance’ in as much as the two lead characters are male and female, therefore if you even know what a ‘film’ is you’ll realise there’s going to be an element of two people getting together in the midst of an outlandish adventure.  However, I still always see this film as an ‘action’ movie, rather than luvvy-duvvy stuff!

A writer (Kathleen Turner) finds her sister has been kidnapped in a South American country and sets off to rescue her (or rather just pay the desired ransom).  Once in the jungle territory she finds herself woefully out of her depth, but luckily she seems to bump into the only other American in the continent (Michael Douglas) who is skilled in the ways of jungle survival.  I can’t quite recall which came first – this, or ‘Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.  Either way, they seem to co-exist in the same universe when it comes to tones (although Temple of Doom strays into the supernatural, as opposed to a drugs cartel, but for the early part of the film they’re near identical in terms of tone). 

Not just do our bickering heroes have each other and the terrain they’re stranded in, they also have Danny DeVito’s slimy little character hot on their heels, not to mention a tonne of drug lords and, of course, the kidnappers.  So there’s plenty of time for conflict to come into play here.  Personally, I think the film has stood up to the tests of time in terms of action and entertainment.  There’s clearly plenty of chemistry between the two leads and the film’s a lot of fun.  However, you can tell it was filmed in the eighties (not just by Douglas’ ‘mullet’) due to how the woman is basically portrayed as a ‘damsel in distress’ type character and the man is clearly in charge at all times.  Then you also have the stereotypical South American characters who are all shady (at best!) or simply drug dealers.  If you can get over the fact that this was just how films were made thirty years ago then you should find this a fun film to watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon (and make sure you see the ‘full’ version rather than the one that’s been ‘cut for TV’ as it contains a lot more ‘croc action!’).

8/10 The Force is definitely strong with this one

Insidious: The Last Key – Hopefully the last

We all know that, in horror movie terms, whenever a film has the word ‘last’ in the title it basically means ‘last-if-the-franchise-fails-to-turn-a-profit.’ To me, this ‘last’ instalment is long overdue.  I really enjoyed the first one, finding it really creepy (even though the plot was hardly anything new).  However, I seem to recall struggling to make it through the second outing and, I’m sorry to say, that this third one is more akin to the second than the first.

There’s nothing particularly ‘wrong’ with ‘Part 3,’ it’s more a case that anyone who’s ever seen a horror film will probably have seen everything here before, meaning you might as well just save yourself an hour and a half and watch a horror film you already own and know you’ll definitely enjoy.  However, I have to give the film credit for focusing on Lin Shaye’s characters.  Not only is she a more than capable actress and can easily shoulder a film, she’s also very easy to root for as a hero, plus it’s nice to see a horror film concentrate on an older actress, rather than the clichéd blonde teenage cheerleader types that are normally associated with starring in the genre.  It’s mainly about what happened to her character as a child and how her past is – literally – coming back to haunt her.

Of course there does need to be some teenagers thrown into the mix to satisfy the ‘youth’ audience and they’re about as generic as you can get.  Comic relief comes in the form of Shaye’s two helpers who constantly make wisecracks throughout the whole film.  However, the film really falls short when it comes to scares.  You get about five minutes of a character walking around a darkened room, followed by a ‘jump scare.’ This film-making technique is then repeated pretty much all the way through until the end.  And – apparently – that’s what passes as modern horror.

I’ll keep this review short as there’s little more I can say on it.  If you’re a mega-fan of the franchise I guess you have to watch this part just to see it off (if, of course, this truly is the end!).  Otherwise you’ve probably already seen better in the genre.

5/10 a hard trek, a bit like unicycling to Mordor and back

Darkest House – Oldman’s finest hour

I’ve just come back from a screening of the new Winston Churchill film, ‘Darkest Hour,’ and I have to say I’m pretty blown away.  It might as well have been a one man show, as Gary Oldman appeared better than ever as the man himself.  It says it’s ‘based on true events’ which is pretty accurate.  Oldman seemed so lifelike and believable as the wartime leader of Britain that sometimes it almost felt like it was a documentary.

It begins a year or so into the Second World War where Britain is already at war with Germany.  Current Prime Minister, Neville Chamberlain, has lost the confidence of Parliament and the King is forced to allow Churchill to take over the war effort.  I didn’t know much about the film before I watched it (apart from the obvious, i.e. that it was about Churchill) and did assume that it would chart his time in office throughout the entire conflict.  However, it only really focuses on about a month or so of time – I guess the part of the war which could indeed be described as Britain’s ‘darkest hour’ when the British army looked lost, no one was coming to help (the army or the country!) and a deal with Hitler looked like the only way out.

I’d like to think that cinema goers all over the world will appreciate this piece of (dramatic!) history not only for Gary Oldman’s Oscar-worthy performance.  Being British it did stir up just a smattering of national pride, but I’m guessing that won’t be the case for other nationalities.

It’s worth noting that a film so ‘character-based’ (as opposed to simply having superheroes destroying a major city) doesn’t have many special effects or amazing ‘set-pieces,’ however, what sets it up isn’t just Gary Oldman’s acting, but also the make-up team who turned him into the hunched, balding old man he was portraying.

The only thing that irked me about the whole film was one scene near the end.  It felt totally unbelievable and scripted.  It was more like a scene from a romantic comedy where the lead character learns a valuable, life-changing lesson.  I have since Googled it to see other people’s opinions on it and, as I thought, it was a moment of total fiction that was put in to ‘represent’ this defining moment in Churchill’s life.

The film is a couple of hours long, but it certainly sped past for me.  It’s rare that a modern film can capture a person so greatly and it’s all down to Gary Oldman (and also the team of make-up artists!).

9/10 almost as perfect as The Godfather