Great Counterattack of King Kong (1976) - There's probably better

'APE' (also released as 'The Counterattack of King Kong') is one of the many low-budget knockoffs that tried to cash in on the 1976 'King Kong' remake. Unfortunately, it doesn’t bring anything memorable to the table, either as genuine monster cinema or as campy fun.

The film makes no secret of what it’s copying - a massive gorilla escapes captivity, rampages across Korea, swats at helicopters and throws rocks at plastic miniatures, shaped like tanks. On paper, that sounds like the kind of absurd spectacle that could work as a “so-bad-it’s-good” cult favorite. But in practice the film is too cheap and no real fun to leave much of an impression. The giant ape is blatantly just a man in a suit, randomly swatting at badly-designed miniatures, perforated with stilted performances which don’t inspire the kind of gleeful laughter that better 'bad' movies do.

Unlike 'King Kong,' which carried a sense of tragic scale no matter the version, 'APE' feels like a hollow copy, trying to make the audience feel sorry for the huge behemoth, but, seeing as it chooses to destroy half of Korea, it's hard to feel sorry for it, not matter how tenderly it holds a blonde woman. 

Just because it doesn’t take itself too seriously doesn't make it fun.  Instead, it ends up in the cinematic dustbin, being neither good enough to be enjoyed on its own merits nor dumb fun to be remembered as a cult classic.

In short, 'APE' (or whatever it's called in your region) isn’t much of a monster movie.  If you’re looking for giant ape entertainment, stick with 'Kong' including some of the more modern entries in the series which deliver more heart, spectacle and fun than this forgettable knockoff ever could.

3/10

Rockula (1990) - Boy, does this drag

'Rockula' has a nice enough premise on paper: a vampire cursed to watch the love of his life die every 22 years, now trying to break the cycle in the late 80s/early 90s.  Unfortunately, the execution drags it down. There are a couple of neat twists on the genre, like the way the lead vampire's reflection in the mirror seems to have a life of his own.  But what could have been a fun skit, or maybe a snappy half-hour short, is stretched into a feature-length movie that simply can’t sustain its own idea.

The acting is hardly on par, with performances that lean more toward awkward than entertaining. It’s not scary enough to qualify as horror, nor is it sharp or witty enough to leave much of a mark as one of the many 'cult comedies' of the era. Any “plot twists” which the writers try to work in can be spotted a mile away and while the film never takes itself seriously, the campy tone often works against it rather than in its favor, such as the British 'villain' who is just more annoying than threatening.

To make matters worse, the runtime feels bloated by an overabundance of unnecessary musical numbers, as if it was also trying to be a musical as well as a horror comedy.  Instead of adding energy, they pad the film and make it feel even longer than it is. By the end, Rockula comes off less like a cult oddity worth rediscovering and more like a drag-fest that overstays its welcome.

4/10

Love at First Bite (1979) - Um, yeah, it does the job

'Love at First Bite' is one of those late-70s comedies that works best if you walk in with very low expectations. It’s a vampire spoof with plenty of 'gags' (note the quote marks?) and, while the humor is often over the top and entirely predictable, it leans into its campy nature enough to stay watchable. The performances match the tone - they're very broad, extremely exaggerated and full of scene-chewing energy, so subtlety isn’t something you’ll find here.

Still, the film never really takes itself too seriously, which makes it a mostly harmless affair. It knows what it is, delivers silly laughs without much bite and then wraps up before overstaying its welcome. Not a hidden gem by any means, but if you’re in the mood for light, goofy parody, you could do worse.

5/10

The UFO Incident (1975) - Tell, don't show

During the nineties when 'The X-Files' was at its peak, I remember reading about the actual case 'The UFO Incident' was based on.  It's about Betty and Barney Hill who were driving home through the American countryside who later claimed to have been abducted by aliens back in the sixties. On the plus side, the movie has a very capable lead, i.e. James Earl Jones (not to forget Estelle Parsons as his on-screen wife) who both do their best to elevate the material. Their chemistry sure does bring an emotional weight which keeps the story from falling completely flat.

Unfortunately, the script is hampered by how it's been made (unlike the far superior 'Fire in the Sky' which came prior to 'The X-files,' but only slightly).  Much of the runtime is devoted to hypnotic regression sessions and lengthy dialogue recounting what supposedly happened.  While this may reflect the 'true' case, cinematically it creates awful pacing problems. The result is a movie that feels like it’s “all tell” with very little “show.” Suspense and atmosphere are sacrificed for endless explanation, making the film drag despite its intriguing subject matter and excellent performances.

There are a few eerie moments sprinkled throughout, but they’re too little too late to sustain the tension or deliver on the promise of the premise. The film ultimately plays more like a docudrama reenactment rather than a gripping sci-fi thriller, leaving viewers wishing the film-makers had leaned harder into the cinematic possibilities of the story.

5/10

The Godsend (1980) - Blondes really do have more fun

So, 'The Godsend' isn’t exactly dripping with budget, being about as barebones as early ‘80s horror movie gets.  In fact, it sure does fit in nicely with the late night 'made for TV' offerings of the era.  It doesn't have any flashy effects, or set pieces, just a lot of long, quiet moments and creepy stares from kids.  And, as any parent knows, kids are way more unsettling than everything all the rubber monsters Hollywood can throw at you. There’s something about a child just sitting there, watching, unblinking, that turns it into a primal kind of supernatural dread.

The story itself is predictable—you’ll see where it’s going a mile away—but once you settle in, it’s actually kind of fun in that low-key sort of way.  A family are on holiday when they meet a young pregnant woman on her own.  Before they know it, she's given birth and disappeared - forever.  Now they adopt the little girl and bring her up as their own.  Trouble is... more than a few 'coincidental' accidents start to happen once she's settled into the family.  It’s cheap, yes, but it does what it needs to and it keeps your attention with its eerie vibe more than with any real surprises.

Not a hidden gem, but definitely a solid “creepy kid” entry if you’re in the mood for something simple and atmospheric.  Even if the two parents seem to constantly want to get away from ALL their kids (not just the demonic ones) at every opportunity for a bit of that 'adult alone time.' Seriously, I've never seen an on screen could so desperate to...

6/10

Happy Death Day (2017) - A cut above the rest

'Happy Death Day' is one of those movies that doesn't try to hide where it's taken its inspiration from - in this case 'Groundhog Day,' which it finally admits near the end, so there’s no mistaking where the “repeat the same day again and again” set-up comes from. But instead of just being a lazy copy, it takes that formula and mashes it together with a slasher storyline—and it works way better than it probably should.

At first, the main character is pretty unlikable. She’s self-absorbed, snarky and the kind of horror protagonist you actually may even want to end up on the wrong end of a serial killer's knife. But soon you realise that that’s part of the fun, because as she relives her death day over and over, she actually starts to change. Watching her growth gives the story more charm than most slashers ever bother with and by the end, you find yourself rooting for her.

It’s not groundbreaking, but there's definitely enough dark comedy mixed in with the slasher element to make it a fresh spin that makes it stand out from the recent flood of horror flicks.  Add in some genuinely fun moments (courtesy of the lead actress - who makes her performance stand out from the majority of 'scream queens!') and a surprisingly heartfelt arc and you’ve got a film that’s definitely a cut above.

7/10

The Spell (1977) - TV Carrie

On the surface, it’s easy to see why 'The Spell' - 'Carrie' was a massive success just a year before at the Box Office, so the idea of a telekinetic teenage girl dealing with bullying was suddenly marketable. Because of that, this TV movie kind of starts off as little more than a cheap knockoff.  But even though the set-up is familiar, 'The Spell' actually goes in its own direction and manages to work in a few clever twists that give it some identity beyond being a "Carrie clone."

The story follows an overweight, unpopular high school girl who discovers she has psychic powers. Unlike 'Carrie' though, the focus here leans more on the whole family, rather than the girl's struggles alone.  This is where it does feel more like a TV soap opera/movie in the household. The pacing is slow at times and the TV-movie budget shows, but there’s enough intrigue to carry it through to a satisfying ending.

It's no classic and, if you have 'Carrie' in your DVD collection, you're probably better off just watching that, but even though this one is far from a classic, 'The Spell' is an interesting curiosity from the late ’70s supernatural boom. If you’re willing to lower your expectations and enjoy it on its own terms, it’s worth a watch.  Just.

5/10

Something Evil (1972) - Spielberg's 'training wheels'

Steven Spielberg may be one of the most well-known filmmakers of all time, but I must have missed his name in the credits, as I didn't know he directed this until I was writing this review and spotted his name.  This is an early made-for-TV horror outing and, at just under seventy-five minutes, it’s a short feature, yet somehow feels way too long, with very little actually happening in that entire span.

The story follows a family moving into a rural American farmhouse that—surprise, surprise—has a supernatural element dwelling there. On paper, it’s a decent enough set-up for a ghostly movie, but the execution is just totally bland. Like I say, it’s not long, but it's also not scary and it never produces a truly unsettling moment. Those hoping for creeping dread, memorable scares, or even a splash of gore will find none of that here.

Instead, the movie settles into the most restrained rhythms of 70s TV horror with soft lighting, slow pacing and basic storytelling. Spielberg’s direction shows hints of what was destined to come, but I guess he had to make films like this so that his true classics like 'Poltergeist' could run.

If you’re a fan of supernatural or possession films, there are plenty of better choices, such as 'The Exorcist, Burnt Offerings,' or, of course, Spielberg’s own 'Poltergeist.' 'Something Evil' is more curiosity than classic, of interest only to die-hard Spielberg fans. For most viewers, it’s a forgettable detour.

3/10

The Three Faces of Eve (1957) - A product of its time

'The Three Faces of Eve' is an interesting film to revisit, especially as a product of its time. While it tackles multiple personality disorder (now more commonly known as dissociative identity disorder), the portrayal comes off as a bit simplistic (and definitely melodramatic!) by today’s standards. 

Certain elements feel overblown, simply to get across the affliction for the Hollywood audience of the time, but as someone who lives with a relative suffering from a similar affliction, I can’t say the film mirrors much of what I’ve seen in real life. Still, considering it was made in the 1950s, you can forgive the filmmakers for getting a few things wrong—understanding of mental health was far less advanced back then.

The performances are what carry it. Joanne Woodward, in particular, does an excellent job differentiating the “three faces” (of the three different elements/women living inside her mind) and it’s easy to see why the role was considered a landmark at the time. However, the story has to have that neat, “typical Hollywood ending,” which sadly glosses over the reality that mental health struggles don’t always tie up in a bow. For those who know what living with such a condition really looks like, that final note rings hollow.

Despite its shortcomings, The Three Faces of Eve is a decent enough attempt for the time of how the era perceived psychology and mental illness. Not perfect by any means, but worth a watch for its historical value and decent acting.

6/10

Edge of the Axe (1988) - I've forgotten it already

It’s only been a few days since I watched 'Edge of the Axe' and, believe it or not, I’ve already forgotten most of it.  Not that there was much of a plot to begin with - it's effectively a cheap 'Friday 13th' rip-off, complete with masked serial killer.  The fact that I had to look up a plot summary just to write this says a lot about just how unremarkable this late 80s slasher really is. On paper, it has adequate ingredients: a masked killer, small-town characters who are oblivious to the menace among them and a - semi - mystery whodunit element. But in practice, it never sticks.

It just feels so dated, even for 1988.  By this point, slashers had been around for nearly a decade, yet this one feels like it’s some sort of cheap prototype for the 'Jason' movies.  There are better in the eighties and many even made during the seventies.  Even lower tier slasher films like 'Black Christmas'  is better, let alone the classics like 'Halloween.' Any of them give us more atmosphere, more gore and more well-rounded, even likable characters. Compared to that, 'Edge of the Axe' feels flat, with its characters mostly existing as completely unlikable fodder for the killer.

The kills themselves are nothing special, so if you're hoping for either some creative or gory deaths, you won't find any here.  Plus the pacing drags and the reveal of the murderer doesn’t add much weight. It’s not terrible, but it’s the kind of slasher you watch once, shrug then forget about almost immediately—which is exactly what happened to me.

4/10